Love and War

I was moved by Buhdy’s anniversary essay, 2 Fucking Years that was posted last weekend.  One of the themes of that essay that stood out to me was an affirmation of love in the cause. That was actually a bit shocking to me. In my real life, I make a living as a writer, poet, wordsmith etc. I take words pretty seriously. And I also take honesty most seriously of all. And I have to confess, I am not sure what love even means in the context of my political activism. Is it the love you might find on a postcard? Or on a t-shirt with a peace sign? Is it Jesus love, of the all mankind variety? Or was it just the love of a blog owner towards the people who put their hearts and souls into the community?

I can’t really answer any of those questions, though I feel where Buhdy was coming from. But to be clear, it is not just love that drives me. In fact, I would say there is an equal part of pure hatred.

When I was 15, I had an epiphany. I had been studying the origins of anger for a psychology class. And in a moment of illumination, it dawned on me – all anger, frustration, aggravation etc. pretty much result from one thing: expectations not met. Eliminate expectations and you will eliminate anger and frustration. So I spent the next 4 or 5 years dedicated to eliminating expectations. Or more accurately, I slowly learned to expect frustrating things. Traffic pissing you off? Learn to anticipate it, make time for it, even turn it into valuable time with audio tapes or whatever. Expect people to be bad drivers. Expect people to lie, cheat and steal. Expect the weather to suck. Eventually I became a pretty docile creature (the fact that I was high most of the time didn’t hurt). In fact, I became a fucking pushover. People saw my docility as weakness, and seized on it. I was robbed, wronged, and left out in the cold until I finally realized, some expectations are necessary. And so is some anger.

I expect my friends not to stab me in the back. I expect my daughter not to run out into the street and will react angrily if she does so. And I expect my government, my democratic government of, by, and for the people, not to systematically work to undermine the well being of the people to whom it represents.

I also expect my government to be corruptible and flawed. A utopianist I am not. But I do not expect, nor can I tolerate my government as an enemy of its own people. And that is certainly what it has become. It has been overthrown. Conquered as surely as if tanks were parked on the mall in Washington. But this enemy is far more clever than the sword. It is a silent, subversive enemy. It has taken us by induction. And we have walked into its grip unknowing, without hesitation.

My anger, my rage can only be measured against the atrocities occurring around us and the lack of will to do anything about it. Or most commonly, the lack of will to even notice. This is a picture of a woman I met a couple of months ago at a McDonalds (don’t ask me why I was at a McDonalds). She was 79 years old. You can clearly see scoliosis has set in with the the curvature of her back. I had heard about McDonalds hiring seniors as some sort of good will gesture ;). So in the most tactful way I could, I tried to get out of her why she was working there without embarrassing her. The best I got was a sardonic quip that confirmed her employment was not by choice (she was fully in charge of her faculties and quite a character). I didn’t need to ask her though. It was obvious that this work, which would have been fairly easy for most people, was too much for her. She couldn’t keep up. She knew she couldn’t keep up, and that appeared to scare her. It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen in my life.  I asked her if I could take her picture and she obliged.

When I got back to the table, my three year old daughter asked me if I was crying. I lied to her and told her I wasn’t. Then she asked me if I was angry. I lied again. I was enraged. And I’m still enraged – about her and countless other injustices and atrocities I see ever single day.

I refuse to lower my expectations of a society that has so much and allows so many to suffer. It is simply unacceptable.

Is that love? Absolutely. I absolutely love that old woman. But I despise whoever and whatever made it so she, at her age, in this fucking country, found herself needing to get a job. And I would happily see their heads on sticks if I thought it would remedy the situation.

This is war. Our country is under attack as surely as if bombs were dropping on our heads. But it’s not a combat war. The weapon of choice for our enemy is a box with electrons flickering across the screen. But it is war none the less. And I am not Jesus. I do not love my enemy.

But I sure was happy to read Buhdy’s essay.  That is because I don’t believe putting people’s heads on sticks could ever remedy anything (although it just dawned on me that Photoshopping people’s heads on sticks might be amusing). And I need all the reminder I can get that this war must be won with ideas. Ideas of justice, peace, and yes, love.

27 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. You’re quite easy to love. 🙂

    • Diane G on September 16, 2009 at 03:20
    • TMC on September 16, 2009 at 03:30

    from one combat zone with bullets, bombs and rockets that killed people to a war here where the weapons are profits, words and self interest of the “haves” on the old lady who needs to continue to work at 79. It is a war on the lives of those who can least defend themselves. It is war being waged by those who control the wealth, the 1%, and do not want to relinquish the control they have bought no matter who must work at 79 or die because of lack of access to medical care. I cannot love the enemy and I don’t want to. I won’t give up roaring as loud as I can with any means I can.

       Just as I fought with bureaucrats to evacuate severely injured in a war zone, I will fight the bureaucrats here to protect that woman in McDonald’s. I do not love my enemy. I do love coming here for not just Buhdy’s essay but yours as well, Toque. Thanks    

  2. Love.

    Hatred.

    Expectations.

    War.

    For myself, I’d want to include also….

    Peace. (check) and Justice (check)

    Respect.

    Grace.

    I strive for more balance, more Love, less Hate.

    But… that’s me.

    I think it’s one of the hardest things we have to do, to feel all the outrage at all the injustices, atrocities, and ugliness, and still have Love.

    I’d rather leave Jesus out of it (!) but I do think some of those concepts have been so grossly miscontrued and hijacked… the message is all but lost. Surely JC is not the only god, prophet, wisdom-monger, to have offered that particular concept?!? heh. well. anyway.

    “Love your enemy”… of course, sounds ridiculous, but I take it more to mean… hmmmm…. honor the divinity in everyone. Hate what they do, fight it with every fiber of your being, but love them… and by that I mean… that I wish them to discover the divine in their own self, and others, and if they can truly do that, they will no longer be capable of doing teh evil.

    That doesnt explain my thinking on it very well, sorry, but there it is. Using the word “divinity” probably muddies the waters a bit. And I’m sure I sound idealistic and naive, but… without Love, none of it really matters.

    • RUKind on September 16, 2009 at 04:31

    This episode of the war began in 1980 when Reagan was elected.

    It ran for twelve straight years of outrage. For those too young or forgetful – Ed Meese selling jobs as Atty General, James Watts giving Nationally owned wilderness to mining and logging companies, etc., etc. GHWB caretaking for Reagan’s third term.

    We had a brief respite for Clinton’s first six years but then the Glass-Steagall Act was repealed in 1998 during the impeachment farce/distraction. If you don’t understand the implications of that repeal then you should look it up right now – because you’re living it. An uninformed population has only itself to blame.

    We totally lost the War when SCOTUS appointed Bush president with no legal precedent to back it up. The electronic vote scam in Ohio in 2004 gave us four more years of defeat.

    The war is over and has been over for along, long time.

    We are living in an occupation by the corporations. Wake the fuck up!!!

    We lost. We will never win until their pain level exceeds ours to the extent that they give up.

    Turn the vise HARDER!

    • Inky99 on September 16, 2009 at 06:45

  3. Buddhist call them desires…

    Four Noble Truths

      1. Suffering exists

      2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires

      3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases


      4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path  

  4. The picture of that woman  is in itself an essay about the America we live in today. An America that bears little resemblance to the place we thought it was, or at least felt it should be.

    It feels like the heart has been torn from America. As if “compassion” and “justice” and even “simple civility” were disappearing, and now they’re gone and we are stunned at their absence.

    I will not forget that woman. Thank you for this essay, which somehow reaches deep down inside of me. And increases my anger and determination to somehow right the wrongs.

    • banger on September 16, 2009 at 17:18

    with people who care about sentient life-forms and we are all registering increasing levels of sadness over the situation we find ourselves in.

    We are occupied for sure but the fact of the matter is that, somehow, the majority of the American people support this system. Look how leftists ran to Obama in the hopes he was telling the truth. I remember how happy I was when Al Gore was nominated for VP in 1992 since I was very concerned with Global Warming at the time–yet nothing happened. Nothing. My vote was wasted in 92 and I did not vote Democratic again until Obama and I did so because I had hope that he might be a decent guy who wouldn’t do much but would make things less bad and bring us some health-care reform. Instead I find his reforms to be no better in sum than what we have now. It might even be worse because any government regulation at this time with an occupation gov’t is going to be bad for us. This is enormously sad because me and my circle of family and friends are suffering from this system that seems to be a system of extortion not a health-care system. So many of us are stressed and looking at the future and hoping we can be healthy enough to make it to the age of medicare.

    I don’t see any chance for change. The oligarchs have an iron grip on everything and the “people” right and left are passive. We need revolutionary change and we should be moving there–but most of us are too dispirited–I see no interest in the blogosphere including here in revolutionary activities–only in huddling together and commiserating.

    I don’t have the courage or the energy at this stage of my life when I have to give all I have to my family in organizing anything or taking revolutionary action by myself. I just hope there are people out there that can be leaders in a new movement. All I see, in terms of courage and activism is right-wing extremeism. If change is going to come they will be the vanguard. Think about that.

  5. with love in my heart but when I turned on the computer and read I found anger consuming me and my love of life. It gets directed at the  people who are actually my comrades in arms, who I see as enablers. I guess you have to love in order to care enough to try to stop this shit. Maybe it has always gone on but now we know. Once you know you can’t stop fighting it hard to turn away from reality. Love is answer but it as well as the fire of anger is often killed by the despair. DD keeps my soul intact and that’s no small thing , it must be love.  

  6. It’s sexy. It’s happening right now all over the world!

    The science, the mechanics of fucking people over worldwide is really big, no huge business.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v

  7. Excellent post! The photo of the “79” year old woman working at Mc D’s said it all.

    America is the richest country in the history of the world.

    But, THE CORPORATE BORG always wants, demands, MORE & MORE PROFIT!

    THE CORPORATE BORG is a suicidal cancer that is day by day devouring the very soul of humanity.

    Only LOVE can defeat such an evil force that is THE CORPORATE BORG.

    ALL the major religions “teach” LOVE. In the Christian religion, 1 John 4:16 says it all.

    Peace, Light & Love…  

  8. never,ever! We have to keep trying, it won’t always be dark like it is right now. The darkness never lasts!  

    • Valtin on September 17, 2009 at 04:58

    And I’ve got to ask… when did capitalism ever love people?

    • Inky99 on September 17, 2009 at 09:14

    who was selling vacuum cleaners.   I quickly realized he was way past retirement age, and working at a Sears store for god-only-knows how little.  

    I felt terrible, embarrassed for him, sorry for him , and worried that I could end up in the same boat.  

  9. and Knight of the Fifth Veil I would be open to a future position for say a Judge Dread type character for the heads on sticks thing.

Comments have been disabled.