More Signs Of The Coming Apocalypse

Seriously. Time for the Shipping Container Bunkers.

McDonald’s New High-Tech Straw Optimizes Your Shamrock Shake Experience
by Rose Leadem, Entrepreneur
February 16, 2017

We’re heading into March, and you know what that means… McDonald’s Shamrock Shakes are coming back.

This year, McDonald’s is going above and beyond just offering the green sugary shake, adding a new Chocolate Shamrock Shake to the menu for a limited time. It doesn’t stop there — the fast food giant has also invented a new scientifically designed straw that will be available for a limited time.

Created by a team of engineers from JACE and NK Labs, the new high-tech straw is made specifically for slurping on a Chocolate Shamrock Shake — and making sure the drinker gets exactly 50 percent chocolate and 50 percent mint in every sip.

Calling the assignment an “ambitious goal,” principal engineer and managing partner at NK Labs Seth Newburg explained, “From a physics perspective, it’s actually quite difficult to deliver a proportional amount of both chocolate and mint flavors with each sip. But that’s exactly what we did. It’s a marvel of fluid dynamics.”

Although if you want the “ultimate shake-drinking experience,” you’d better hurry. Only 2,000 of the special straws were produced, and they will be available at select McDonald’s locations across the U.S.

Cure for Cancer? Missions to Mars? Jetsons Flying Cars?

Global Warming?

No! This is exactly what our best and brightest Engineers should be working on because nothing takes your mind off imminent death, the destruction of civilization, and Mass Extinction like a cool sugar infused Shake carefully calibrated to deliver precisely 50% Chocolate and 50% Mint and dollars to a Slave Labor based Global Corporation’s pocket.

Why are you so negative?

1 comment

    • BobbyK on February 17, 2017 at 17:10

    And we could all save 15% by switching our car insurance!

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