Washington, D.C. – What began as chance meeting during a morning jog snowballed into a screwball comedy of errors as President George W. Bush met his exact look-a-like in a transient by the name of George Burnswick. After a heartfelt speech by President Bush to his Secret Service Agents about his need to get back to the people, the two men decided to switch places for a week. Formerly homeless Burnswick would take the helm of one of the most powerful nations in history, while Mr. Bush would take over Mr. Burnswick’s role of screaming at cars on random corners and digging through trash cans for lunch.
The men’s switch went seamlessly, in a transition only noticed by Karl Rove, who was already getting his media puppet strings ready to cash in on the delightful affair. Though there were some madcap capers as each man adjusted to the life of the other.
“How hard can this job be?” said Mr. Burnswick from the decadent leisure of the Oval Office. “Cheney practically runs the show here, and whatever is leftover goes to Karl Rove and his pack of hounds. All I do is rubber stamp bullshit and take full advantage of the buffet. Life is good for Burnswick. Did you know I can call anyone in the world? Right now? Before I had to wait 6 months to talk to a lowly case worker.”
And of course, becoming homeless on the hard streets of Washington, D.C. has been quite a wake up call for Mr. Bush. “I scored some leftovers and a pint of Nightrain, but at 3 a.m. these three large men told me I could decide between the half-eaten salami on rye or my anal virginity. So I decided to let go of the goods,” said the former President of the United States. “I tried sleeping on the grates, but I guess Mr. Burnswick built of quite a reputation for pissing all over doorways, so the cops keep harassing me. I hope White House doors are safe.”
Unfortunately the doors were not. However, Mr. Burnswick held court without incident for some of the most important leaders of the world, who were present for the Asian trade summit. “I thought for sure my 6th grade education and rather rustic street charm would reveal my true identity in front of seasoned diplomats,” stated the now-well balanced and well-fattened Brunswick. “But that could not be further from the case. In fact, they all complimented me on my wit, which they said had never been quite so clever before. It was then I decided I had to tell them truth and that I was a homeless man secretly replacing the President who is probably defending his life for his jacket from a gang of hoodlums right now. They thought that was Bush’s best joke ever, so I let him have it. I sure hope he knows better than to sleep under the bridge like they do in the movies.”
Again, unfortunately, Bush did not. The Commander and Chief did remember seeing movies where homeless people slept under bridges. What he did not know was they usually do so in loosely formed gangs. In the middle of the night, a group of men overcame the President and stole his wallet and all his personal effects. Basically, the President could no longer prove he was elected to run the United States of America. But come to think of it, he never really could before either.
Bush slowly descended into madness as he tried to get back into the White House, but instead was sent to a mental institution for evaluation. That was until the gig was up.
When Mrs. Bush came back home she instantly realized this was not the man she married.
“It just took a moments glance when I saw him in the shower to know that was not my George,” said the First Lady. And with a smile she added: “I had to look for a good extra minute just to make sure.”
Luckily, Brunswick was stopped before he gave the State of the Union address, and when confronted with the disheveled Bush, they both broke down and cried how the trading places had changed their lives. President Bush returned to his former duties, but did give Brunswick a job as gardener on the White House lawn. He now lives in an apartment and is no longer homeless.
When asked if the experience got Brunswick the job, Bush replied, “Well, it’s always good to have a double when there might be snipers around.”
——
2 comments
funny@….awesome keep ’em coming
Or would be, if it weren’t so…believable.
Nice to see they’ve got decent imported beer in the Oval Office Mini-Bar, though.