Overheard in the Senate Shitter

I’d been sitting in a dive In Washington DC all day drinking slow-gin fizzes and eating boiled eggs out of a big jar on the bar.  No matter how much I drank, the waitress never got any prettier so I decided I’d tour The US Senate.

I had to go through a magnometer and it must have somehow affected my bowels because no sooner than I had entered, I felt (and heard) a rumbling in my gut that damned near brought me to my knees.

It got worse and I started farting.  Since the aroma would have knocked a buzzard off the carcass of menstruating skunk, the tour group distanced themselves from me. I was moving kinda slow because I was holding my knees together tighter than a 12 year-old Alabama girl sitting on her Uncle’s lap.  Soon I had been left behind.  I ducked down a corridor, saw a restroom, and dashed in even though the door said “Members Only”. 

It was all over in a flash (I thought) and as I reached for the asswipe (yes, The Constitution is printed on it) two guys came in and started to take a piss.  I’ve never understood the term “take a piss”, seems like it should be “leave a piss”, but any way they started talking.

Now I don’t want to see any fuckin’ comments about “My Stance”.  I don’t have “A Stance” because I always shit in the lotus position.  Since we are all Buddhists here, I know you understand. They didn’t see me.

I couldn’t see them either, but you should’ve heard what I heard.

Pisser #1:  Damn I’ve been busy.  My constituents are calling, emailing and faxing me night and day.

Pisser #2: I know, it’s this fucking Internet Blog thing.  I talked to some of my folks back home and I’ll be damned if they don’t understand Parliamentary Procedure and Senate Rules.

P1:  Mine too.  They’re also aware of current events.  I miss the good old days when they didn’t know cloture from a dirt clod.  I don’t know about your Party, but all of us are worried.

P2: Yep, same same.  Many in our Party actually want us to force you to filibuster when you obstruct our programs.

(They both started laughing hysterically)

P1: You know it’s amazing that here we are from different political parties and we are both pissing together as equals. You’re a Democrat, I’m a Republican, and we’re here pissing together as brothers.
But what I really want to know is… why is your peeing so much louder than mine?

P2: It’s simple.  I’m pissing on your briefcase.

This, my friends, sent my bowels into another spasm.  I laughed so hard that I fired off another shit-salvo of rotten eggs and slow-gin that reeked so bad, I could actually see the ass-funk as it spread through the Senator’s Washroom. 

I had just enough time to wipe and run out the door faster than a scalded dog.  As I ran out of the building, I could hear all kinds of alarms going off and noticed other people fleeing the building as well.

Most of them thought it was a Iraqi terrorist gas attack.  I went back to the bar, but laid off the eggs for the rest of my stay in DC.