September 2007 archive

impatience

I find myself growing more and more impatient. Like a child waiting for the magic of Christmas morning, only to find those toys were not quite what they seemed, and may have been, in fact, argyle socks and tighty whitey underwear.

Little Grey Orb

On Monday morning a little grey orb was floating three feet off the ground in the living-room of Judd Frimp’s apartment.  Judd was late for work at the supermarket and didn’t notice. 

When he got back that evening, sweaty and swearing, it was still there.

“Don’t put bags of groceries on top of watermellons, Judd,” Judd fumed as he came in the door.  “Don’t smash carts into curbs to make a train, Judd.  It knocks the wheels out of alignment, Judd.”  He threw his green “Food Gnome” apron onto the 70’s-plaid couch and stormed to the shower, stripping clothes as he went.  “I’ll knock you out of alignment you fat pig,” he said to his boss, who wasn’t there.

A moment later Judd reappeared from the bathroom, naked, gawking at the orb.  One of his socks had landed on it. 

“Flubuck?” he said.  “Huh?”

The orb was about a half-a-foot in diameter and unblemished . . . aside from the gym sock.  It hovered motionless above the coffee table in the living room.  Judd had bought the coffee table at a Target Superstore and put it together using the stupid little hexagonal tool that came in the box.  He’d hurt three of his fingers in the process.  Stupid hexagonal tool.  Stupid hexagonal Chink tool.

More importantly, though, nothing was holding the orb up.  It hung in mid-air, next to the lamp on the table.

Judd shuffled toward it warily, squinting.  He expected lighting bolts or maybe laser beams to shoot out of the orb and fry him.  He reached and grabbed his sock.  The orb was unperturbed. 

Judd tapped it with his finger.  Tap tap tap.  Nothing.  He tapped harder.  Tap tap tap.  The orb didn’t move at all.  It was as though it were lodged in the oxygen.  Fixed.  Fast.  Frozen.

It was reflective.  Judd saw himself in the orb — a funhouse-mirror skinny self.  Looking at his own eyes, Judd imagined the orb or the Smurfs inside it could see him.  He covered his privates with the sock. 

“Devil’s own business,” he mused.

Phone in kitchen.  Back up slow.  Dial.  Bart. 

“Hullo.”

“Hey Bart.”

“Yeah?”  Bart sounded groggy.

“You ever see a little grey orb?”

“What?”

“A orb.”

Waking up some: “The fuck are you talking about?  Is this Frimp?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucker,” Judd said.  “Like a ball.”

“Have I ever seen a ball?”

“Yeah.”

“Well lemme think on that, Frimp.  Yeah, yeah.  I believe so.”

“No shit?  Floating?”

The orb sat in the air, silent, reflecting a Dokken poster on a wood-panel wall.

“You high, Judd?  Get ya some bad shit?”

“No, man, I was gonna ask if you had it in –“

“Yeah, I had it in,” Bart said, mimicking him.  “I been holding it for you all weekend.  You didn’t go buying that shit Harriet sells, did you?”

“Naw, no, Bart.”

“That shit’ll make you see things.”

“No Bart, I’m straight at this exact moment.  Look I’ll be right over.”  Judd hung up.  He got dressed and went over to Bart’s.  He didn’t want to piss off Bart; Bart sold the California shit.

__________________________

Suzie at work agreed to a date for Friday.  Judd invited her over to his place at nine.  At eight, he sat on the couch, watching television on his thirty-inch flat screen, changing channels.  The orb was still there.

Judd had heaved on the orb, tried to shove it, beat it with a tennis racket, all week long.  The orb never budged.  It was a rock.  A rock floating three-feet off the ground in the living-room of his apartment with wood-paneled walls.  It was a true-to-life bitch, is what it was.

But Suzie was pretty, so Judd sat there and contemplated the matter.  He had to hide the orb from her view, so that when she came over in an hour, she wouldn’t see it.  It was some embarrassing shit, having an orb in your place.

Judd took the lamp on the table and tried to arrange it so that the lamp shade covered the orb.  The lampshade was puke-orange and fairly translucent, but Judd figure it would do if he could arrange it correctly. 

He’d left the TV absently on channel 43, the science Discovery channel.  A guy was speculating on higher-dimensional objects, and what would happen if they protruded into the known universe.  Only three of their many dimensions would be apparent, of course.

Judd messed with the lampshade and the lamp and got it about right — the shade was a bit askew but it covered the orb.  He looked down into the shade from above and he could see the orb there.  Good enough.  He changed the channel to a Friends rerun and drank a beer and smoked some weed.

Suzie came over looking nice in a jean-skirt and sweater and they made out.  But Judd made the mistake of trying to turn on the lamp at one point to help her look for an earring.  This sent the lamp twirling about and cast a weird dancing shadow of the orb onto the walls.

Suzie freaked out and left.  Judd kicked the orb a karate kick and hurt all five of his toes.  He drank himself into a daze and then crashed on his bed at two o’clock in the morning.

____________________________

When Judd woke up, the little grey orb was gone.  He thanked God loudly and took a numb, hung-over shower.  He went to work at Food Gnome where the boss yelled at him again.

The most amazing thing that ever happened in the history of the world happened in Judd Frimp’s apartment, but he was stupid and so nothing ever came of it.

Posting on Posting

If you are NOT a Contributing Editor….If you have NOT been specifically informed by e-mail that you are a CE….If you have not spoken to me about your Editorship….If you just signed up like a normal person…then the following applies to you!

Just a quick post to clear some stuff up and answer any questions you might have. It seems that some folks misinterpreted (my fault) the rules for being a CE (Contributing editor) with general posting in the recent list.

After spending all morning over at pff responding to comments in the launch diary, I am afraid to write this next sentence….but here goes!

You can literally write anything you want, in any form you want, at any length you want, in the recent essay list.

Really.

Anything

Economist displays the power of Magical Thinking

Now look, children, here is how you dazzle rather than honestly make an argument:  If the surge is working it is a good reason that we should stay in Iraq; if the surge is not working it is a good reason that we should stay in Iraq.  Huh?  Watch the hand with the ball, not the hand fluttering around in front of your eyes.

From the 13 Sept 07 Print edition “Why They Should Stay”

This newspaper was not wowed by either man. The spin General Petraeus put on the military achievements of the surge exaggerated the gains. Mr Crocker’s claim to see a spirit of sectarian reconciliation bubbling just beneath the surface of Iraq’s stalemated politics was even less convincing. But on one point Mr Crocker was surely right. If America removes its forces while Iraq remains in its present condition, the Iraqi future is indeed likely to be disastrous. For that reason above any other, and despite misgivings about the possibility of even modest success any time soon, our own view is that America (and Britain) ought to stay in Iraq until conditions improve.

So, since its been a disaster we should stay: keep eye on ball as we move below

My Docudharma Manifesto

No, I haven’t written my own manifesto.  But my intention at this site, and one which I think it is particularly fitting for this site, can be summed up by Tristan Tzara’s 1918 “Dada Manifesto”, from which I quote:

Pony Party: Dock Drama Edition

Years ago, I lived on my boat at Squalicum Harbor in Bellingham, WA.  The boat was way, way out at the end of the dock – next to the breakwater on the end, in a physically huge basin.  There were other boats around me, but I was the only one nuts enough to be living out there on the end, at the time.  I was awakened one morning by the whack of something on the hull.  Whack.  Long pause.  Whack whack (from different sides).  I start to fall back asleep.  WHACK!

The Outraged Left

I recently came across another of those simple-minded rightwing references to the outraged left offered as an epithet by those of limited cranial capacity.  Ignored is the larger context, that we may actually have good reasons for being a wee bit peeved, that our anger may in fact not be irrational but rather completely and indisputably justified. 

UnAmerican1

Dharmaceutical: Your daily dose of outrage

I’m still trying to figure out this place and the DDharmiacs who inhabit it.  As I always wanted to know what it was like to be a DD, I have to say, it isn’t what I expected.  *g* 

I’m a novice health wonk, and as I learn more, my outrage-o-meter simply reads HIGH-OUT-OF-RANGE now.  So I’m relying on you, DDharmiacs, to let me know if I’m terminal or if there’s hope for a cure. With that, here’s what consumer-driven health care means in the free-for-all market:

CNN reported a story of consumer-directed health care – the mantra of the Republicans.

A man threw his seriously ill wife four stories to her death because he could no longer afford to pay for her medical care, prosecutors said in charging him with second-degree murder. According to court documents filed Wednesday in Jackson County Circuit Court, Stanley Reimer walked his wife to the balcony of their apartment and kissed her before throwing her over.

I’m going to be short again

Here’s a short, simple, message contact your Seantors and your Representitive BY PHONE. If you are represented by Democrats, call twice.

Tell them that you want an immediate end to the war. I don’t care what your specific preferred plan is for Iraq: the Congress has available to it only purse power–which members will use if so pressured by their constituents.

That’s your short message for the day!

Four at Four

This is an open thread, but it also features four stories in the news at 4 o’clock. It’s like trying to dunk a donut by grasping it by the ears.

  1. The Independent is reporting that General David Petraeus has presidential ambitions. “Sabah Khadim, then a senior adviser at Iraq’s Interior Ministry, says General Petraeus discussed with him his ambition when the general was head of training and recruitment of the Iraqi army in 2004-05. ‘I asked him if he was planning to run in 2008 and he said, ‘No, that would be too soon’,’ Mr Khadim… said… ¶ Petraeus went to Iraq during the invasion of 2003 as commander of the 101st Airborne Division and had not previously seen combat.” His “critics hold him at least partly responsible for three debacles” —

    Although Mosul remained quiet for some months after, the US suffered one of its worse setbacks of the war in November 2004 when insurgents captured most of the city. The 7,000 police recruited by General Petraeus either changed sides or went home. Thirty police stations were captured, 11,000 assault rifles were lost and $41m (£20m) worth of military equipment disappeared. Iraqi army units abandoned their bases.

    The general’s next job was to oversee the training of a new Iraqi army. As head of the Multinational Security Transition Command, General Petraeus claimed that his efforts were proving successful. In an article in the Washington Post in September 2004, he wrote: “Training is on track and increasing in capacity. Infrastructure is being repaired. Command and control structures and institutions are being re-established.” This optimism turned out be misleading; three years later the Iraqi army is notoriously ineffective and corrupt.

    General Petraeus was in charge of the Security Transition Command at the time that the Iraqi procurement budget of $1.2bn was stolen. “It is possibly one of the largest thefts in history,” Iraq’s Finance Minister, Ali Allawi, said. “Huge amounts of money disappeared. In return we got nothing but scraps of metal.”

    Khadim doubts the “surge” is successful. “Commenting on the US military alliance with the Sunni tribes in Anbar province, he said: ‘They will take your money, but when the money runs out they will change sides again.'”

  2. Iraq Oil WarMore news from Iraq from The New York Times reporting that the compromise on the Oil Law in Iraq seems to be collapsing. I know, try not to be too shocked. “A carefully constructed compromise on a draft law governing Iraq’s rich oil fields, agreed to in February after months of arduous talks among Iraqi political groups, appears to have collapsed… ¶ Contributing to the dispute is the decision by the Kurds to begin signing contracts with international oil companies before the federal law is passed. The most recent instance, announced last week on a Kurdish government Web site, was an oil exploration contract with the Hunt Oil Company of Dallas… ¶ Some members of one of the main Sunni parties, Tawafiq, which insists on federal control of contracts and exclusive state ownership of the fields, bolted when it became convinced that the Kurds had no intention of following those guidelines. ¶ But the prime minister’s office believes there is a simpler reason the Sunnis abandoned or at least held off on the deal: signing it would have given Mr. Maliki a political success that they did not want him to have.”

  3. The Financial Times has more on the Strategic Survey 2007 put out by the International Institute for Strategic Studies. FT reports the US sufffers a decline in prestige. “The report says the US failure in Iraq had meant the Bush administration suffered from a much-reduced ability to hold sway in both domestic and international affairs.”

    But a more fundamental loss of clout occurred at a strategic level. “It was evident that exercise of military power – in which, on paper, America dominated the world – had not secured its goal,” the survey says. The failings in Iraq created a sense around the world of American power “diminished and demystified”, with adversaries believing they will prevail if they manage to draw the US into a prolonged engagement.

    Washington’s ability to act as an honest broker in the world had declined; and Iraq had meant the US had failed to pay as much attention as it should have to other parts of the world.

    America’s standing in the world has gotten so bad under Bush, that simply having a new president will not make things magically better. “The report concludes that the ‘the restoration of American strategic authority seemed bound to take much longer than the mere installation of a new president’.” “Installation” as opposed to election — a very telling choice of words.

  4. Lastly, some potentially good news on addressing global warming. According to The New York Times, a U.S. court ruled States can set their own measures to cut greenhouse gases emitted by automobiles and light trucks. “Ruling in a lawsuit against Vermont’s standards on those heat-trapping gases, the judge, William K. Sessions III, rejected a variety of challenges from auto manufacturers, including their contention that the states were usurping federal authority.” The ruling “explicitly endorses the idea” that States have the right to set their own regulations on the greenhouse gases. The judge wrote such regulations do not hurt the economy or undermine safety. “The judge also rejected a claim that Vermont’s standards would intrude into the sphere of foreign policy, which is the unique province of the federal government.” Vermont and other states rules on emissions hinge on California being granted a waiver from the Bush administrations’ Environmental Protection Agency. Am EPA decision is promised by the end of the year.

One more story below the fold…

For all of us newbies

Thanks guys. Oh and is there a minimum on length of diary? Also there appears to be a 24 hour waiting period before you are able to post an essay/diary. Someone asked before so I was looking and then after it had been 24 hours, poof “New Essay” appeared. And no, I haven’t read FAQ, I also don’t read directions when putting things together, unless all else fails.

Alright, now we all have one more place to keep up with and I’m happy to say most of my favorite kossacks are here, past and present. Okay okay, this is not the best first post, but it is more of an experiment to see if it works.

Bush and Homeless Man Embark On ‘Prince and the Pauper’ Escapade

Washington, D.C. – What began as chance meeting during a morning jog snowballed into a screwball comedy of errors as President George W. Bush met his exact look-a-like in a transient by the name of George Burnswick. After a heartfelt speech by President Bush to his Secret Service Agents about his need to get back to the people, the two men decided to switch places for a week. Formerly homeless Burnswick would take the helm of one of the most powerful nations in history, while Mr. Bush would take over Mr. Burnswick’s role of screaming at cars on random corners and digging through trash cans for lunch.

The men’s switch went seamlessly, in a transition only noticed by Karl Rove, who was already getting his media puppet strings ready to cash in on the delightful affair. Though there were some madcap capers as each man adjusted to the life of the other.

“How hard can this job be?” said Mr. Burnswick from the decadent leisure of the Oval Office. “Cheney practically runs the show here, and whatever is leftover goes to Karl Rove and his pack of hounds. All I do is rubber stamp bullshit and take full advantage of the buffet. Life is good for Burnswick. Did you know I can call anyone in the world? Right now? Before I had to wait 6 months to talk to a lowly case worker.”

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