You can be replaced, you know

(Woohoo! The hatchet is here! – promoted by buhdydharma )

Did you ever have an employee who just wouldn’t do what he was asked to do? Who just – in spite of clear and concise instructions – never managed to accomplish what it was you hired him to do? The guy who came off great in his interviews, who tossed around an impressive-looking résumé, but once he was hired, all of a sudden became the living embodiment of the Peter Principle?

You think to yourself, cheeeez, exactly how many times do I have to tell this person what to do? I mean, what does he want – a fax, for God’s sake? A written invitation? A full-page ad in the friggin’ New York Times??

But you’re patient. You work with him, holding his hand, making suggestions, gently at first, then perhaps a bit more sternly. All the while remembering Gen. George Patton’s advice on being a good boss and inspiring those who work for you:

Don’t tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.

Only thing is, the “results” you end up getting from this employee continue to be disappointing. The guy almost never fails to let you down. I mean, he continues to demonstrate – time and time again – that he couldn’t organize a dog fight.

Or, how about the guy who, in spite of having been given all the tools he needed to get the job done, still managed to weasel out of getting it done, complaining the whole time that it was impossible, that in fact he didn’t have what he needed to do it? Or – get this – that, if he were to actually do the job he was hired to do, he wouldn’t get hired again? Or – better yet – after utterly failing to – or failing even to attempt to – do the job that you hired him to do, this guy somehow believes you’re going to hire him again???

Or – how about the guy who manages to look busy all day, peering intently into his computer screen, talking loudly on the phone (with whom, you’re not quite certain), assiduously shuffling stacks of paper, making a great show of moving them from one side of his desk to the other – all the while somehow never managing to put any of the “agenda” he’s so mightily working on into action? An “agenda,” by the way, invented by him, not the one you hired him to carry out?

Have you ever had an employee who had no gumption, no resourcefulness, no fire in the belly, no initiative, no stick-to-itiveness? Someone who, when faced with an obstacle, simply rolled over and gave up? Someone who made excuses for not doing the hard work? Someone who gave up after – at most – one try?

What do you do with an employee like that?

Of course, it might not simply be that such an employee is incompetent or lazy. It could be that he’s got another agenda, one that he didn’t bother to share with you when you were hiring him. He could be one of those guys who somehow gets it in his head that once he starts punching the clock and using the employee restroom, somehow he’s entitled to a paycheck. You know: the guy who thinks he knows better than you. Someone who has the balls to get snippy with you, his boss?

Sometimes, once someone like that is hired, they start to play politics. They forget the real reason they were hired – the job they were brought on board to accomplish – and they instead get all wrapped up in office intrigue. Sometimes, they get so deep into it that they become deluded into thinking their real boss is someone different from the person who hired them, and that that “New Boss” somehow carries more weight than the boss whose decision it was to bring them on board in the first place.

So – just what DO you do with an employee like that?

Simple: You FIRE him.

It’s harsh, but it’s necessary. There’s work to be done around here, after all. And you feel bad having to do it, of course. I mean, it’s not like you hired the guy thinking that you were gonna hafta fire him, f’cryin’ out loud. You’re not on some big power trip – you don’t get your jollies from firing people. It’s just that, well, you hired the guy to Do. A. Job, and if he’s not gonna do it, no matter how many chances you give him, and no matter how much you hold his hand, and no matter how right and obvious the need for the work is – well, then, you’ve got no real choice. The work still has to get done – it’s just that he won’t be the one doing it for you, that’s all. I mean, it’s not like there’s any shortage of people willing to fill the position.

So, ya goofed. Made a mistake. Erred in your assessment of someone’s capabilities, their motivations, their character, their work ethic, their commitment. Don’t beat yourself up – it happens all the time. Hey, you hired the guy ’cause you thought he would help you get the work done. And you were wrong. No crime in that.

Just – let’s fix it, okay?

Now appearing in Orange, too.