This is some personal shit I just need to get out before I explode…or implode.
Yesterday my daughter-in-law left me absolutely gob-smacked. She said she was going to do the prep for sushi nite at the restaurant in the AM, changing her schedule, because it wasn’t good for the baby to stay with us.
This is Not the first time statements like this have been made. At first I thought it was ‘lost in translation’ moments, because she IS Japanese & English IS a second language for her. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive but, I’m feeling Very hurt. Wanting to crawl back into bed…sleep till the ugly feeling is gone.
Let me fill you in a lttle bit in hopes that Someone can offer me some advice.
‘B’, my son, fell in love with Japan & its culture. He saved his money, got a ticket, went to Japan & got a job teaching English (he is a HS grad-no college) He met ‘Y’ thru a private lesson, they started dating, then got married. Money is tight for them. We send some now & again to help get them over the ‘hump’. A coupla years go by and they have my 1st (& only) grandson. B takes the new responsibility hard, turns to alcohol. Things are NOT going well, divorce seems imminent. Both Y & B are calling for advice…I try doing long distance marriage counseling.
After several Months of this, things seem better between them. Then the contract with the school is up for renewal & new clauses are in the contract are unacceptable. It is late summer, no positions available. I say ‘Come home, I’ll send tickets’ My aching to see my grandson may have precipitated this. I said we would provide a roof over their heads and food in their bellies till they could get their feet under them. MrD & I change direction mid-stream… from a planned return to the farm way out in the sticks & a simpler life (to make it a working organic farm), renting out this house in town…to staying in town, cranking the buisness back up to provide work for B part time, $$ to pay the extra expenses and immigration fees for Y & baby.
I came out of my depression somewhat (again) and scurried around to clean/organize the house, moving MrD & I to the attic because the stairs are steep & hard to climb, especially with a baby; giving them our room, ½ bath and the adjoining room for the baby. MrD & I now must traverse stairs & the length of the house to pee. (Did I mention I’m not in good health? I quit smoking last Feb, finally, after Years of trying. I have trouble breathing, especially in the humid summers of the south.) We put down carpet in the babys room & bought a crib, high-chair, car-seat & wagon. We painted our half of the attic and hung a sheet over the piled-high-with-boxes-other-end.
I tried Very hard to extend myself, be friendly, to this person I didn’t know. I was prepared to love her because my son does. I tried to include Y & baby all the time. I introduced them to my friend S. S’s daughter had a baby 10 days after my grandson was born…she & I hoped the two girls would be friends, the babys playmates.
On a whim I had bought a bib for baby & said to Y ‘you could make these, sell them for a little $’ explaining coastal life & tourist season. I bought a small bit of cloth, opened my craft cupboards to her (appx 30 yrs of crafting). After a polite thank-you I never saw the cloth again. Soon box after box arrives from japan-she has her mother sending cloth…she’s making bibs & sunhats to match. OK. After spending months sewing many sets and 2 Saturdays driving the coast trying to sell to stores the whole project is shelved. The store in town was never entered…she was told they did consignment & felt it wasn’t worth the bother.
I made a few outfits for the baby, some shorts and a pair of pants…never worn. I recently found out in a backwards way that ‘label’ clothes are what’s desired NOT homemade.
When asked, I offer suggestions which are dismissed out of hand. A week or two later I’ll hear that S or her daughter said the exact same thing & its now the greatest thing since sliced bread. It doesn’t matter if its to do with cooking, or sewing or rearing children…
Not long after they got here I told Y there is a private school with ½ day daycare for 2+yr olds…’no, its very important to me to stay home & teach him’ Yet now S’s grandbaby is going- it’s THE thing to do…even tho it is $300/month…even tho they’re still in our house & Not Yet standing on their feet…I’m still buying their f-ing toilet paper & shampoo!
When they got here I mentioned they could make a bit of extra $$ doing sushi one or two nights, check w/ the 3 local restaurants-especially the girl who caters…No, we don’t want to work in restaurants any more…now they’re doing sushi 2 nites @ the same place S’s daughter is.
I must admit I did have a depression relapse this past spring. I did ‘hide’ in the attic for several weeks and retreat from the family….part of it was the all horrible news all the time I was reading in orange…but part of it is how my opinion and my skills are dismissed so quickly.
Y seems to be very hidebound in her thinking.
Or maybe I am.