Buffalo, NY – While most Americans’ are introduced to their candidates through friends and families, local salesclerk Tim Ofroll has gone about things differently. After not finding any candidate through traditional means, he wound up finding, then choosing, Ron Paul online.
“I am sorta a political junkie,” said Ofroll, who still hasn’t told his close friends he discovered Ron Paul on the internet. “I watch Countdown with Keith Olbermann and even Meet the Press on Sunday mornings, but I just didn’t see any other candidate I liked. It wasn’t until I went by Reddit.com that I saw Ron Paul, and then clicked on a link to his profile.”
Ofroll, like most normal Americans, usually finds candidates through his friends, or even at bars and parties, where political discussion abounds in the lead up to the 2008 election. But after playing the field, Ofroll still could not find that special candidate in real life that he wanted to share his vote with, instead having to go online to discover Ron Paul.
“Man, Thanksgiving is coming up, and I just know my mom is gonna ask my where I first saw Ron Paul,” said a distraught Ofroll. “I better come up with a story quick, or else I am gonna be shamed into admitting I became a Ron Paul supporter online.”
Such cover stories thought up by Ofroll include: meeting Ron Paul at a rally, a booth at a rock concert and even at the kiosk at the county fair.
“I had to shoot all those down because my family went to the fair as well, and they would have seen the Ron Paul kiosk. And let’s face it, Paul isn’t exactly Cold Play’s target audience either so the concert tale is out. My only real choice was to go with “a rally,” but kind of rally? The only thing I could come up with was a Truthers for 9-11, and that’s worse than admitting you meet your candidate online,” sighed Ofroll. “I guess I could say (girlfriend) Jill introduced me to Ron Paul, but everyone knows she loves Hillary.”
Even Ofroll’s best friends do not know the ugly truth about where Tim became a Ron Paul supporter, though some do suspect something.
“He got all weirded out when I asked where he got his Ron Paul t-shirt,” stated Eric Benfall, a childhood friend of Ofroll’s. “He went into this epic story involving a circus, a three day trip with the Rainbow Gathering, beers with someone named Alex Jones and even tangent about dinner with some Gold Bugs. Whatever the fuck that means. But I think he just saw Ron Paul online, liked what he saw, and is now to chicken shit to tell everybody.”
When told of his friends suspicions, Ofroll cleared the cache on his internet browsers and UN-friended Ron Paul on his MySpace page.
“It’s not that I am embarrassed,” said Ofrool. “people meet people online all the time, don’t they? Don’t they?!?”
He then cried himself to sleep like the loser he was.
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What is the Paul’s position on the warming of the planet?
And………..hi!