The Downside of Luck

People complain about the bad things that happen to em that they don’t deserve but they seldom mention the good.  About what they done to deserve them things.  I don’t recall that I ever give the good Lord all that much cause to smile on me.  But he did.

I know how crazy it makes you when I don’t simply let you know what I want, or more importantly, just act on it.  How can I blame you for that?  How can I not understand your frustration with my hesitancy, my inaction, my desire for reinforcement that you want to do what I want to do before I’ll let you know that I’m going to do it?

The worst part is that this becomes a cycle; I anger you by being hesitant to act on what I want, you become frustrated with me, and hearing your frustration my confidence falls lower and lower.  And as my confidence falls, my ability to overcome my hesitancy falls further, and I frustrate you more.

I know that you are trying really hard to do something for me.  I know that you have a lot of other things to do and that it is difficult for you to also make possible doing things that are important to me.  And I know how lousy it is of me to respond to that by asking you for reassurance that doing what I want is really what you want.  And I know that on top of that, I’ve been acting this way towards you for years.  I know that you’ve had dozens if not hundreds of unpleasant days and nights because of it. 

And I’m sorry, and I’m working on it.  What more can I say? 

Everything I ever thought has turned out different, she said.  There aint the least part of my life I could have guessed.  Not this, not none of it.
I know.
You wouldn’t let me off noway.
I had no say in the matter.  Every moment in your life is a turning and every one a choosing.  All followed to this.  The accounting is scrupulous.  The shape is drawn.  No line can be erased.  I had no belief in your ability to move a coin to your bidding.  How could you?  A person’s path through the world seldom changes and even more seldom will it change abruptly.  And the shape of your path was visible from the beginning.
She was sobbing.  She shook her head.
Yet even though I could have told you how all this would end I thought it not too much to ask that you have a final glimpse of hope in the world to lift your heart before the shroud drops, the darkness.  Do you see?
Oh God, she said.  Oh God.
I’m sorry.

The above quotes are taken from No Country for Old Men, by Cormac McCarthy