When Good Sea Monkeys Go Bad

It started innocently.  The Ponies were taking up too much space. 
I traded the larger ones in on Pygmy Ponies, but even then they were just too much for me to handle, so I gave them to my friends.

Portia and Ellen promised to take good care of them, so at least I don’t have to worry about that.

To fill the void in my life, I decided to collect Sea Monkeys. They’re small, they don’t eat much and according to the ad in the back of the comic book, they provide hours of entertainment. I could not resist.

Little did I realize what hell I would unleash….

  I was overjoyed when my Seamonkeys arrived.  The instructions were simple and soon I had a thriving population of the little critters in the provided plastic viewing tank.

 

  But as you can see, the tank became over-crowded, so I bought a rather large aquarium complete with multi-colored pebbles, little bubbling things and 4 underwater castles. It was a beautiful little Sea Monkey World and they appeared quite happy.

And then I screwed up. Big Time!

I thought I was adding the Sea Monkey Food but I had forgotten to put on my glasses and instead dumped an entire bottle of Viagra  into the tank. They devoured them in a matter of seconds.  About 30 minutes later, all hell broke loose. It was Sea Monkey Porn and while quite disturbing to watch, it did entertain me for hours (as advertised). I can’t say it was as thrilling as a lot of the human porn content that you can find on places like videoshd, but I certainly got a kick from it.

Needless to say, the population of Sea-Monkeyville exploded. The next morning I was surprised to see that The Sea Monkey Industrial Revolution had started.  They had obviously been busy all night constructing roads, factories, houses, schools, and other infrastructure necessary for The Good Life.

It was chaotic at first, but soon a group of Sea Monkeys began to organize the others. They started by collecting all of the food I added to the tank. They became very fat. 

Then I noticed that since there were fewer yellow pebbles in the mix of gravel I had initially put in the aquarium, the Little Sea Monkeys would then exchange the yellow stones for food. The Fat Ones discovered that they could pay the Little Ones just a few of the coveted yellow stones to gather the food which they then traded for even more yellow stones in return.

Soon the Fat Ones expanded this concept to include all things necessary for The Good Life.  They would even loan yellow stones to the less fortunate in return for the promise of future payment of even more yellow pebbles. In this way the Little Ones could provide their families with shelter, food and health care.  I felt rather satisfied to see my community working together in harmony and went to bed happy that night.

When I returned from work the next day, I was surprised to see that The Fat Ones had moved into the castles I had provided.
100 of the fattest moved into one castle, 435 into a second, 9 into another and The Leader Sea Monkey and his family had moved into the 4th (the White Castle).

It appeared that this was OK at first, as the Little Ones continued to go about trying to accumulate more of the now elusive yellow stones. The 544 Chosen Ones had meetings and followed the Leader Sea Monkey everywhere, all nodding their little Sea Monkey heads in unison. The Leader Sea Monkey spent most of his time on his knees, looking up at me for some reason.

This went on for about 6 days and then I began to notice the Little Ones appeared unhappy.  They didn’t play and swim about anymore.  Some became very angry. Some became sick and died, especially the Baby Ones.

It was then that something quite unexpected happened.  When A Little One became too angry, a group of Black Sea Monkeys would storm out of The White Castle, grab the little guy, strap him to a board and swim to the top where they would force his head out of the water until he thought he was about to breathe. Then the Black Ones would gather up all of his friends.  They must have taken them somewhere at night when I was sleeping because I never saw them again.

As time went by, the water became murky.  The  Industrial Sea Monkeys  had  dumped waste near the bubble machines I had put in the tank. This clogged the filters naturally and more of the Little Ones got sick, more of the babies died. The Leader Sea Monkey and The Fat Ones continued to do nothing.

Unexpectedly, some friends called and said they were going to drop in.  My place was clean except for the now green aquarium sitting in my living room. I had just enough time to roll it into the closet when the doorbell rang.

Out of sight, out of mind, I forgot about the damned thing for several weeks.  Finally remembering it, I slowly opened the closet door, not knowing what I would find.

To my surprise, I found an aquarium with crystal clear water, no Sea Monkeys and no evidence of their existence, except for…

…thousands of little Sea Monkey Shoes scattered on the bottom.