I thought we could all use a bit of a pick-me-up, so here’s some entertaining quotes. The following are personal ads compiled by the editors of America’s Best Non-Essential Writing 2007. I find these both to be funny as hell, and also rather insightful into the romantic lives of people today.
American Man, 57. I just want a girlfriend. What the hell is going on here?
Angry trollop, 37. Offers?
Meet the new me. Like the old me, only less nice after three months without any sexual intercourse. 42 year old fruitcake (F).
Nihilist seeks nothing.
Woman, 43, would like to meet a man – any man – whose evolutionary path isn’t that of Homer Simpson. Suspecting that’s too difficult, I may go lesbian.
Hello girls of Mumbai and beyond! I am looking for an obnoxious girlfriend of one week to restore my glee in being single.
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And remember, Dante didn’t call it the Divine Comedy by accident!
preferably one with her own set of wheels
search craigslist for the 42 year old fruitcake, or maybe pff.
I had a couple friends over for dinner on the weekend and he got VERY FRIENDLY with the woman. Kinda my fault, he licks me when I tell him,”Give me a kiss.” There was no humpage involved, but he jumped on the couch and started engaging in face slurping. She wasn’t too thrilled. She said,” I thought you took him to obedience.” I did take him where he learned to sit, stay, come, and he does all that. He just likes the women.
I signed a breeding agreement that states I can’t breed him with anything other than a long haired dutch shepherd so his options are limited. Poor guy.
have with my husband tonight. I was telling him about various disturbances and how in my opinion what the Bush administration has chosen to focus on fucks almost all of us. I wondered aloud if there wasn’t some diabolical symbolic connection between the word focus and my new Tracyism fuckus because their focus does fuckus and they fuckus with their focus. My husband added that sometimes they fuckus till we can’t focus and while we focus they fuckus 😉
all day. Wondering what would Jay say here. Perfect from the man who said ‘Reading any Marx’? or did you? Maybe I have garbled all my initial intros until they all roll out as one.
Are we taking a mental hygiene day?