The Reverse Rapture Strategy

For understandable reasons, most of us can’t stand to watch a Republican for more than a minute or two.  I learned today that turning the channel quickly has been a big mistake, because it’s prevented us from formulating an effective counter-strategy to this rampage from hell BushCo has subjected us to for seven years. 

My enlightenment occurred because of a malfunctioning remote control channel button, which left me no choice but to watch a replay of Cheney’s American Legion speech on C-Span.  I couldn’t help but notice that after several minutes, his head started spinning around on his shoulders.

This rather revealing event occurred 11 minutes and 6 seconds into his speech.

If my math is correct, that’s 666 seconds . . . 

 

Call me an alarmist, but I think the services of this guy are needed:

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Is it just a coincidence that Bush tells 666 lies about Iraq every week?  Is it just happenstance that Larry Craig had men’s room sex 666 times before he got caught?  Is it just a statistical quirk that Dick Cheney shot 666 hunters in the face before one of them complained? 

I don’t think so.

How many times has this started happening on Meet the Press, compelling Tim Russert to take a hasty commercial break?:

Take one guess.

BINGO.

666 times.

More and better Democrats, my ass.  That isn’t going to help worth a damn.  Mephistopheles and Beelzebub are still laughing about it:

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OK, Mephistopheles is busy lawyering up and quit laughing several weeks ago, but Beelzebub is still chuckling:

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If she’s so damn bound and determined to, Jane Harman can keep trying to reach out in a spirit of bipartisan harmony to Republicans possessed by Adramelech, Baphomet, Moloch, Pazuzu, Shedim, and Hell only knows who else, but I think that would be RUBBISH.  I think it’s time to try a mass exorcism.

Take action now before it’s too late:

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If that link works, maybe Ann Coulter will finally stop doing gruesome things to herself with a crucifix.  Jean Schmidt might stop levitating above her bed.  Bob Novak might finally notice he’s been dead for ten years and vanish in a puff of sulphurous smoke.  Every Republican in the country from Bush on down to the lowliest racist in an Idaho trailer court might reverse rapture themselves straight to hell.

It’s worth a try.

Can Harry Reid save us?  No.

Can Nancy Pelosi save us?  Not fucking likely.

But handy little gadgets like this might save us all:

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We don’t need more and better Democrats, we need more remote control malfunctions.  If every American saw what I saw today, they’d wake the hell up in a hurry.  Every Republican in sight would get dragged kicking and screaming to the nearest exorcist and experience some enhanced exorcism techniques that will have them projectile vomiting their demons into everlasting damnation.  And if the dark souls of many of them end up departing this earth in the process, that’s tough shit.

It’s called collateral damage. 

Support The Exorcism Project.  Don’t stick door to door volunteers with all the gory work, reverse rapture a Republican today:

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If your children start asking you about those strange supersonic hurling noises in your neighborhood, tell them not to worry, it’s the sound of freedom.

Say goodbye to the Star Spangled Banner, America, we need a new national anthem:

41 comments

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  1. …to coin a phrase…

    excellent essay, ’76.

  2. that will exorcise Republicans and clean my house at the same time???

  3. Think the entire current cabal is part of a vast Satanic worshipping secret government and the whole Christian Rapture story is a mere subplot aimed at keeping the lower spiritual entities among us “in line”.

    It is darkest before the dawn so to speak.  Prophecies from diverse people and from many locations in the world point to 2012 but does this mean “The End”, and what End.  Some think the End means man activates his DNA and becomes something akin to the X-Men or the series Heros.

    And what is up with that rising Schumann Resonance?
    http://www.nexusmaga

    • Alma on November 3, 2007 at 17:10

    One of your best.  Might be right up there with your Information Minister piece.  I’m sorry you had to go through that hell, but hey, sometimes you learn something.

    • fatdave on November 3, 2007 at 17:56

    Check Wiki out here:

    http://en.wikipedia….

    for the 23rd of the 72 Demons and his attributes.

    Lawyers and civilians beware…wark wark!

    • feline on November 3, 2007 at 19:26

    A resolution to begin the exorcism of the White House.

  4. I have my concerns as to whether exorcism would even do the job!  The demons are so deeply inbred!  But, hell, it’s worth a shot!

    So that’s it — my next sign — “EXORCISE THE REPUBLICANS NOW!”  Maybe, we could start a whole movement!

    Thanks for your innovative thoughts!  Enlightening!

  5. have to say about Exor-rapture?

  6. But one question….  Why don’t you tell us how
    you REALLY feel?  😉

    • Diane G on November 5, 2007 at 02:20
  7. on a bloodthirsty drunk, constantly reincarnating since that infamous (“writing on the wall”) drunk at Babylon.  Here they are, still.  We’ve been told.

    There is and will be justice in karma.  Watch.  And stay out of the way.

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