The Teddy Bear Army of Muslims

So, last night, I’m settling down for a quiet and very enjoyable evening of National Geographic’s “Interpol Investigates,” I scroll down the channels (sometimes I get really lazy and just punch up or down buttons instead of entering the desired ones…kind of feels like the old days and running through the dial, remember that?  Sometimes, something really cool catches your eye that you would never had given the 2 seconds that hook you), and I see Bill O’Reilly (hey, old chum, you still on the air?) going into hysterics over the Teddy-Bear Jihad in Sudan…

“We all face a great danger,” he intoned, mentioning how the Sudanese Teddy-Bear Jihadists are an example of the danger facing white Christians in their safe little Christian homes…

Yes, apparently, the Sudanese Muslims so outraged by the Teddy-Bear fiasco that they’re currently commandeering boats and ships to sail to America to wage war on Christianity.

And just in time to join the War on Christmas, apparently…great timing…

You see, Bill nailed it…it’s not like an impossibly stupid Western woman teaching in the freaking Sudan, in Africa, among Muslims who will not even tolerate drawings or representations of their prophet Mohamed (see, I’m not religious, but this is what I call not bowing to ‘saints,’ fake idols, pictures, carvings, Holy Grails, slivers of the crucifix…ah, forget it), went and gave a Teddy-Bear the name Mohammed, thus committing an act roughly on par to hanging a crucifix upside-down and pissing on it and asking Christians what the fucking fuss is all about…

No, it’s not about that, is it?

It’s about Muslims of every stripe who hate Christians, as demonstrated by the Teddy Bear incident.  See, this proves it…

And, according to Bill, this puts us all in great danger.

So, any of you planning to fly to the Sudan to name other toys and pets after Islam’s revered prophet, I christen (poor choice of words?) you Holy Warriors of the Great Teddy-Bear Jihad of the 21st Century.

I mean, if we can’t insult Muslims in their own fucking countries and get away with it, what is this world coming to?

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I mean, it’s not like someone made an art piece depicting Jesus Christ carved from chocolate…I mean, that would be no big deal, right?  I mean, if any Christian got offended by that, they would be drooling morons akin to the frantic Teddy-Bear Muslims, right?

Or, say, if you said to someone, Happy Holidays instead of Christmas, I can’t imagine any getting offended by that…if they are, what the fuck is their problem?

I mean, even if I ripped up a picture of the Pope, big fucking deal, right?  Stupid fucking Muslims, always getting excited over bullshit…

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Prepare for war, people.  Bill O’Reilly called it.  First, they want to set their own religious standards in their own fucking countries, and enforce their own religious laws, including upon Stupid Fucking Foreigners who think they can roll into any old place and thrash around among alien cultures’ delicate sensibilities and should be exempt from any outrage or recriminations whatsoever.

And Bill’s right- It’s all about the Teddy-Bears…  Absolutely.

It’s not like the West is occupying any Muslim lands, or raping and shooting Muslims in those countries, or propping up murderous dictators, or shipping Muslims off to black prisons, or raping and torturing them in places like Abu Graib and God knows where else…no, Billy’s right…

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It’s all about the Teddy-Bears…

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Oh, and this threat is so significant that after warning us about the impending Teddy-Bear Apocalypse and how it threatens Western civilization to the core, Billy segued into the missing white girl Natalee Holloway, thus proving once and for all that America is so fucked, because it doesn’t know up from down…

Billy…Natalee should have been the first item…get your priorities right, dude…she was kidnapped, raped and murdered by a Muslim Teddy-Bear…it all fits…dude…

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God Bless America.