BREAKING: US Spy Program Targets American Town

FLASH! From your editors at the Weekly Hyperbole.

Our sources have informed us of a stunning new development that outlines and emphasizes the lengths the Bush Administration will go to in their perfidious quest for power. It appears that this time they are preparing a direct assault on American political opponents. In a covert operation that we have heard referred to as Operation Drop Dorothy’s House, US spy agencies have propelled an object thought to be about 13 feet to 16.5 feet across, and weighing a maximum of 10,000 pounds out of orbit and on to a path that will cause it to strike Brattleboro, Vermont.

In a pathetically transparent cover story about decaying orbits, Air Force General Gene Renuart states:

“It’s really just a big thing falling on the ground that we want to make sure we’re prepared for.”

We remain skeptical, General. Very skeptical.

This reporter has found an anonymous source who has this to say. “Yeah man, these cats have been trying to ‘drop a house’ on some dudes for a log ass time. These motherfuckers are sick.”  Before we could obtain more information, our informant finished his cigarette and headed back into the bar…a bar that this reporter has been barred from entering after the previously reported story Reporter Discriminated Against For Political Views, Proprietor Claims  “Dancing Naked On Pool Table,” thus ending the interview.

Why Brattleboro? Here;s why:

The petition – with more than 436 signatures, or at least the 5 percent of voters necessary to be considered – was submitted Thursday and the town Select Board voted 3-2 Friday to put it on the ballot. It goes to a town-wide vote March 4.

It reads: “Shall the Selectboard instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against President Bush and Vice President Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictments for consideration by other authorities and shall it be the law of the Town of Brattleboro that the Brattleboro Police, pursuant to the above-mentioned indictments, arrest and detain George Bush and Richard Cheney in Brattleboro if they are not duly impeached, and prosecute or extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them?”

Air Force Officials have repeatedly stated that they have “no idea” where the satellite will fall, but our sister publication, The Reynolds Wrap Report has determined….using a sophisticated telemetry tracking device, that the target is indeed the embattled town of Brattleboro.

Contacted for comment, President Bush replied in his typical fashion, and I quote, “Huh?”

Will these people stop at nothing?

11 comments

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  1. Photobucket

    • pfiore8 on January 30, 2008 at 18:26

    totally totally genius

    omg… hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    and i just watched the matrix the other night.

    bam. it really hits home.

    have to check out other links now

  2. 2 hours but now open on Google

    http://video.google.com/videop

    Puts all of the lunacy in a new light.

    Playing this one film for three days straight over all “communications” media might do it.

  3. Unfortunately, a little too close to home.  

    Just take, for example, martial law.  Martial law is closer than you think.

    In a stealth maneuver, President Bush has signed into law a provision which, according to Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont), will actually encourage the President to declare federal martial law (1). It does so by revising the Insurrection Act, a set of laws that limits the President’s ability to deploy troops within the United States. The Insurrection Act (10 U.S.C.331 -335) has historically, along with the Posse Comitatus Act (18 U.S.C.1385), helped to enforce strict prohibitions on military involvement in domestic law enforcement. With one cloaked swipe of his pen, Bush is seeking to undo those prohibitions.

    Public Law 109-364, or the “John Warner Defense Authorization Act of 2007” (H.R.5122) (2), which was signed by the commander in chief on October 17th, 2006, in a private Oval Office ceremony, allows the President to declare a “public emergency” and station troops anywhere in America and take control of state-based National Guard units without the consent of the governor or local authorities, in order to “suppress public disorder.”

    President Bush seized this unprecedented power on the very same day that he signed the equally odious Military Commissions Act of 2006. In a sense, the two laws complement one another. One allows for torture and detention abroad, while the other seeks to enforce acquiescence at home, preparing to order the military onto the streets of America. Remember, the term for putting an area under military law enforcement control is precise; the term is “martial law.”

    Section 1076 of the massive Authorization Act, which grants the Pentagon another $500-plus-billion for its ill-advised adventures, is entitled, “Use of the Armed Forces in Major Public Emergencies.” Section 333, “Major public emergencies; interference with State and Federal law” states that “the President may employ the armed forces, including the National Guard in Federal service, to restore public order and enforce the laws of the United States when, as a result of a natural disaster, epidemic, or other serious public health emergency, terrorist attack or incident, or other condition in any State or possession of the United States, the President determines that domestic violence has occurred to such an extent that the constituted authorities of the State or possession are incapable of (“refuse” or “fail” in) maintaining public order, “in order to suppress, in any State, any insurrection, domestic violence, unlawful combination, or conspiracy.”. . . .

    Camps!

    The law also facilitates militarized police round-ups and detention of protesters, so called “illegal aliens,” “potential terrorists” and other “undesirables” for detention in facilities already contracted for and under construction by Halliburton. That’s right. Under the cover of a trumped-up “immigration emergency” and the frenzied militarization of the southern border, detention camps are being constructed right under our noses, camps designed for anyone who resists the foreign and domestic agenda of the Bush administration. . . .

    Global “war on terrorism” — not!

    . . . . the new law, signed by the president in a private White House ceremony, further collapses the historic divide between the police and the military: a tell-tale sign of a rapidly consolidating police state in America, all accomplished amidst ongoing U.S. imperial pretensions of global domination, sold to an “emergency managed” and seemingly willfully gullible public as a “global war on terrorism.” . . . .

    Too bad! (snark)

    Unfortunately, this past week, the president dealt posse comitatus, along with American democracy, a near fatal blow. Consequently, it will take an aroused citizenry to undo the damage wrought by this horrendous act, part and parcel, as we have seen, of a long train of abuses and outrages perpetrated by this authoritarian administration. . . . .

    Timing!

    It has become clear in recent months that a critical mass of the American people have seen through the lies of the Bush administration; with the president’s polls at an historic low, growing resistance to the war Iraq, and the Democrats likely to take back the Congress in mid-term elections, the Bush administration is on the ropes. And so it is particularly worrying that President Bush has seen fit, at this juncture to, in effect, declare himself dictator.

    (emphasis mine)

    • Edger on January 30, 2008 at 19:38

    We just move the earth over a few miles and drop the damn thing through the window of the Oval Office. Or on Crawford, Texas. Take your pick.

    Everybody –  all together now….

    Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….

    Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….

    Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….

    Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….

  4. to see for myself how having a female leader is viewed in Argentina, maybe Chile as well.

    Does this all mean that during my abscence martial law will be declared in order to protect the United States from danger from the out of control SPY satellite, thinly disguised as a foreclosed sub prime mortgage casualty, entering earth’s atmosphere intact without any means of stopping it.  Will they let me back in the country, do you think?  I am definitely a suspect person, not having been actually hatched in an American laboratory.  Now, I am truly   scared.

    What on earth and space have we spending all those billions on the missile defense system if we can’t even stop a rudderless  satellite. Talk about shoot a falling star.  

    This has gone way beyond comedy, or even farce, it is now tragedy.  

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