FLASH! From your editors at the Weekly Hyperbole.
Our sources have informed us of a stunning new development that outlines and emphasizes the lengths the Bush Administration will go to in their perfidious quest for power. It appears that this time they are preparing a direct assault on American political opponents. In a covert operation that we have heard referred to as Operation Drop Dorothy’s House, US spy agencies have propelled an object thought to be about 13 feet to 16.5 feet across, and weighing a maximum of 10,000 pounds out of orbit and on to a path that will cause it to strike Brattleboro, Vermont.
In a pathetically transparent cover story about decaying orbits, Air Force General Gene Renuart states:
“It’s really just a big thing falling on the ground that we want to make sure we’re prepared for.”
We remain skeptical, General. Very skeptical.
This reporter has found an anonymous source who has this to say. “Yeah man, these cats have been trying to ‘drop a house’ on some dudes for a log ass time. These motherfuckers are sick.” Before we could obtain more information, our informant finished his cigarette and headed back into the bar…a bar that this reporter has been barred from entering after the previously reported story Reporter Discriminated Against For Political Views, Proprietor Claims “Dancing Naked On Pool Table,” thus ending the interview.
Why Brattleboro? Here;s why:
The petition – with more than 436 signatures, or at least the 5 percent of voters necessary to be considered – was submitted Thursday and the town Select Board voted 3-2 Friday to put it on the ballot. It goes to a town-wide vote March 4.
It reads: “Shall the Selectboard instruct the Town Attorney to draft indictments against President Bush and Vice President Cheney for crimes against our Constitution, and publish said indictments for consideration by other authorities and shall it be the law of the Town of Brattleboro that the Brattleboro Police, pursuant to the above-mentioned indictments, arrest and detain George Bush and Richard Cheney in Brattleboro if they are not duly impeached, and prosecute or extradite them to other authorities that may reasonably contend to prosecute them?”
Air Force Officials have repeatedly stated that they have “no idea” where the satellite will fall, but our sister publication, The Reynolds Wrap Report has determined….using a sophisticated telemetry tracking device, that the target is indeed the embattled town of Brattleboro.
Contacted for comment, President Bush replied in his typical fashion, and I quote, “Huh?”
Will these people stop at nothing?
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totally totally genius
omg… hahahahahahahahahahahaha
and i just watched the matrix the other night.
bam. it really hits home.
have to check out other links now
2 hours but now open on Google
http://video.google.com/videop…
Puts all of the lunacy in a new light.
Playing this one film for three days straight over all “communications” media might do it.
Unfortunately, a little too close to home.
Just take, for example, martial law. Martial law is closer than you think.
Camps!
Global “war on terrorism” — not!
Too bad! (snark)
Timing!
We just move the earth over a few miles and drop the damn thing through the window of the Oval Office. Or on Crawford, Texas. Take your pick.
Everybody – all together now….
Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….
Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….
Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….
Ommm Buhdy Pony Hum….
to see for myself how having a female leader is viewed in Argentina, maybe Chile as well.
Does this all mean that during my abscence martial law will be declared in order to protect the United States from danger from the out of control SPY satellite, thinly disguised as a foreclosed sub prime mortgage casualty, entering earth’s atmosphere intact without any means of stopping it. Will they let me back in the country, do you think? I am definitely a suspect person, not having been actually hatched in an American laboratory. Now, I am truly scared.
What on earth and space have we spending all those billions on the missile defense system if we can’t even stop a rudderless satellite. Talk about shoot a falling star.
This has gone way beyond comedy, or even farce, it is now tragedy.