I know that Docudharma is a blog focused on national and international affairs. But one of the things I love about this place is that we talk about all kinds of things. Tonight I need to make one of the toughest decisions I’ll have to in a while. So I’m wondering if any of you good dharmaniacs might have some words of wisdom for me.
My springer spaniel Libby is 18 years old and is on her last leg. Here’s my favorite picture of her that was taken not long after I adopted her.
Of course, being that she’s 18, she has quite a few health problems. She lost her hearing a couple of years ago and doesn’t seem to be able to see real well these days either. The muscle tone in her back legs is pretty much gone and a couple of months ago she lost control of her bowels. Her latest ailment is that several times a day she seems to get disoriented and her head travels around in circles. The vet thinks its a form of dementia.
Libby spends her life these days sleeping on the couch and I have to lift her up and down from there. Since we have a pretty good snow cover, when she goes outside, all she can do is walk up and down the shoveled walkway since her legs can’t maneuver in the snow. She’s eating real well, and seems to have moments when she’s uncomfortable but doesn’t show signs of being in constant pain.
Not much of this has changed in the last few weeks, but something in me snapped a bit today. I had to leave work because I couldn’t quit thinking about her and had an uncomfortable feeling about all this. I think I’m just tired of it all. She’s no problem to take care of, so that’s not the issue. Its just so hard to keep going when the only way we relate to each other is me trying to figure out if she’s ready to go yet; looking into her eyes and wondering if its time.
I talked to our vet today and she says this is one of the hardest kind of decisions to make. Libby’s heart seems to be doing fine and she has no impending health issues. It really comes down to a quality of life. My brother stopped by for a visit this afternoon and he feels like Libby is only nominally “there” right now. He wonders is maybe she’s just hanging on out of loyalty to me.
Most everyone I talked to today thinks it might be time to let her go. And I think I agree. But when I think about that moment when its time to say goodbye – I just don’t know if I can do it until I feel more certain.
So I’m giving myself tonight to think about it all. I can either go on with things the way they’ve been and wait for a more clear-cut sign. Or its time to say goodbye tomorrow. As I sit and ponder all that this evening, I’d love to hear any words of wisdom you have for me.
Thanks!
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my dog sammy had kidney failure. we worked hard for three months, but in the end he let us know.
quality of life… who’s to say. that’s between you and libby.
good luck NL. my heart goes out to you. it becomes so clear how inanimate a house really is… without a dog in it.
{ { { { { { { NL } } } } } } }
she is… love that nose!!!
…I don’t think I have one of the actual day our beloved Woo-Girl passed, but I have several “Woo Tales” that you may like. They go in order, from the bottom to the top:
Yia-Yia and Woo-Woo — BFF [Warning: Pictures]
“Hannibal” Jack Malamute
You don’t know Jack.
“Someone to watch over me…”
The Haunting of Woo House
The lady vanishes…again.
Every few years, this issue comes up around here, and I have to agree with pf8 — they let you know, especially since you and Libby have such a strong connection.
Right now, my little old boy (16) has congestive heart failure, low thyroid, is completely deaf and also has signs of dementia. He’s still a real trooper, but probably not for much longer. As the vet told me, “There’s never a right time — but there’ll be a time when they tell you ‘I have to go.'”
Before I start crying, I’m going to go. Big, big hugs to you and Libby, NL — when you do it, you’ll be doing the right thing for her.
I had Luna the retriever in doggie hospice for her last days. She died on the dining room floor with her family around her. She had no real pain until her last breath. I’m happy it worked out that way for her and for us.
I think Libby will let you know what to do. I think it will be clear to you.
My heart goes out to you both. I wish you both comfort and peace and ease.
before mentioning a young dog we had with cancer.
I knew there were some that had cancer themselves or had spouses or children or parents with cancer. It is hard to imagine there is anyone untouched by cancer despite the caustic attitude of many towards those attempting to devise cures for cancer. (No I am not talking about Big Pharma though many do not bother distinguishing.)
The outpouring of pain and sympathy was overwhelming. I knew cancer has become the greatest killer of dogs.
I know you did not mention cancer. Know about age too – in both dogs and people.
I doubt you can let Libby go without obvious signs of distress. We couldn’t. We traveled way too far on the other side.
Good health to both you and Libby.
Terry
I had to make that decision in Oct. for my little Mirri girl. She had kidney failure and made it for 3 years after her diagnosis. When she went downhill, it happened very fast.
Its never easy, but know that they love you, as much as you love them.
I think most know about it. Trials were supposed to have shown it was worthless but vets swear by it for aging dogs not able to get around so dog. It was literally a life saver for our relatively young German Shepherd.
I really don’t mean to give advice other than the suggestion for consideration.
Best, Terry
IMHO — is to let her go. It will save both of you pain and indignity. Some vets will come to your home and you can hold her in your arms as she falls into a gentle sleep.
And crosses the bridge, and lives in your heart, and will welcome you when you arrive.
http://www.slate.com/id/2090327
I think you’ll find it worthwhile. I’ve had to make the decision a few times and probably waited too long with my last one. It’s hard to see it when you are with the dog everyday.
The other thing is that they can become a danger to themselves, if you aren’t there to watch every second, they can fall and be really hurt for a long time. And I think that would feel worse on the owner.
Chin up.
her size and breed has to offer. I have six adult dogs as well as the puppies right now that will be going to homes soon, doing what I do though I have been down this road before and agree with those on here who say that they have a way of letting us know. A young dog suffering from cancer and in pain isn’t even a question really because their eyes tell it just like the old ones do who get there a bit at a time. Hospicing with my dogs has been the same as hospicing with my grandparents was. It is a time to say good bye and there is no set time for doing that in the universe. They begin to unwind just like we do when we get old and many of them in ways return to their puppyhood being able to do less and less for themselves. Our bestest buddy in the whole world old dog Major went slowly too and was 14 and was a huge German Shepherd. The vet couldn’t believe the way he lasted with the size he was. He loved Joshua so much, he probably would have left sooner if Josh hadn’t been born but he really didn’t want to leave that baby boy because he needed looking after. One morning after many mornings of me helping him to stand until he could manage it himself he looked me in the eye and he told me he just wasn’t having any kind of fun anymore. Then he laid back down and he wasn’t able to stand at all and we had the leaving take place with a vet who came to our house. If we didn’t already have two other dogs then we may have never been able to recover from his loss. You will know.
All my pups are under the age of four, except for my nasty curmudgeon, Little Guy, who’s about 15 or 16. They all own their own piece of my heart.
I have made this decision or come to this spot in the road so many times. And I agree with everyone on here, oddly. Pluto’s comments are quite worthwhile, as are nlob’s.
For me, though, it’s a bit like wondering what the cost is on something unpriced. If you have to ask the price, you may not be able to afford it yet. If you are asking us, it may not yet be time – you might still be seeing enough of the old Libby who truly treasures your presence and comfort.
Like most here, I think Libby will let you know. Good luck and my heart is with you.
“The dog doesn’t know what you are about to do.”
Somehow those words of simple common sense were more comforting than all others.
Mindy was a small terrier that would have fought a grizzly bear but hid under my desk during thunderstorms like our German Shepherd does today. Neither ever feared man nor beast but that unseen Higher Power throwing thunderbolts at them was more scary. I guess there is a virtue in being God fearing but it can be a bit of a pain.
A far meaner and more lethal enemy, cancer, took Mindy out when she was only 7. We paid way too much trying to defeat that monster.
Later we got The Mutant Dalmatian. Roxy followed one of the kids home when she was just a pup wandering the highway. Roxy followed one of the kids visiting home when he was out jogging on the road.
Strangely Roxy looks like Mindy but the small telltale signs of the Damnatian tell you what you need to know about the kind of dog that is most often returned to shelters. The “clown of the dog world” is the best that can be said by fanciers. The cowardly master thief is despised by the other dogs (we thought more than once her life was forfeit to them), by anyone that can’t stand the constant noise, by good righteous folk. But there are those who like clowns in spite of all. I would have to leave home before the mutant Damnation I fear. Possibly I could smuggle Roxy out the back door in the dead of night if anyone needs lots of noise, pain, missing food and even utensils.
The Mutant is a lousy replacement for the small warrior done in by cancer at a tender age but even a real dog would be.
What is best for you is best for Libby as it was for Mindy.
QUESTION: Do dogs go to heaven?
ANSWER: How could there be a heaven without dogs?
Best, Terry
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to all of you. Your words and support last night meant more to you than you’ll ever know. This is hard, isn’t it?!!
I think that for now, I’ll give it a little time. Something in the article nlob linked really spoke to me.
Libby has lost her interest in lots of things, but I think that’s mostly because she can’t hear or see well. But yesterday when my brother came over, he sat on the floor beside her on the couch. She was obviously glad to see him and did her best to let him know that. So I think she’s not quite ready to go yet.
I’m just going to try to be grateful that all these tears I keep shedding are her gift of a nice long goodbye for a long life well lived.
The vet said ‘I can give her something… it’ll help her get though a few more days, maybe a week or two’
It was Dec 23. Our Shadow, mother of all the others, was Not Well. She was only 12, but very small for a chow-chow. Her appetite had fled where once shw was round as a sausage. The most fastidious of dogs(nearly a cat) she had just that morning lost control of her bodily functions.
I looked at her sweet face, into her deep milk chocolate eyes. She was tired. She was ready.
It’s never a good day to lose your best friend, I said to the vet.
Libby will tell you… you will know.
What a gorgeous creature is your Libby. This is such a hard place. No words, other than you will know in your heart when it’s time to let her go. And yes, I do think they hold on for us, I know my beloved Buddha cat stayed just as long as she possibly could which was probably past her time, but once she turned her little head away from my hand for a much needed nap, in my heart, I knew. My husband didn’t catch the moment of goodbye and he was devastated. She left on her own time, because we simply couldn’t make the decision. God, it’s heartbreaking. Only people who share their lives with animals can possibly understand this bond of unconditional love.
My oldest sister sent us $$ out-of-the-blue so we could plant some rose bushes in her name. We ended up creating a small garden and placed her ashes with the roots of the bushes. It’s her garden.
but this thread brings my heart into my throat
reading all the tender replies and feeling the concern and emotion… i can’t help but cry and be so thankful for the people here. good people.
thanks for this NL… and for a chance to get to know Libby.
I’ve been to this thread a few times but couldn’t choke out a response. I was very sad to make this decision for my cat and I’m very sad for you and all the other folks who have gone through it. A river of tears.
But as pf8 just said all of us ‘good people’ share this pain and are here to help you and Libby get through it. It cheers me up (a little) knowing that you took comfort in our advice and support last night. We’re here for you!
Best wishes to you and wonder dog. ♥ ♥ ♥