Important If True

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

“Important If True” is an irregularly-scheduled Mojo Swap Meet wherein the diarist cobbles together a collection of seemingly random thoughts, no single one of which, taken by itself, may be worthy of attention, but which, when presented en masse in a veritable mélange, a pastiche, as it were, of cerebral offal, might thus put to rest any niggling doubts that you may have had about whether the effort would be worth it. Or, to paraphrase someone, you should waste no time in reading this . . .

- but definitely spread the mojo around in the comments! Thanks for reading!

WHY THERE’S NO MONEY FOR CHILDREN’S HEALTHCARE: I was bumping around the Intertubes, looking for something else, when I came across this gem on whitehouse.gov. Barney’s Holiday in the National Parks. Now, completely aside from the insane chutzpah necessary for various Bush family members to claim repeatedly that “Our national parks are so important,” the mind-boggling waste of resources necessary to put together this embarrassment of a video  is breathtaking. Watch it and see if you don’t agree. Then, consider that this is but one in a string of Barney videos that have been put together, each one an integral component in maintaining our American way of life in the War on Terra and the War Against The War On Christmas: My Barney Valentine, Barney’s Holiday Extravaganza, A Very Beazley Christmas, Barney and Miss Beazley’s Spring Garden Tour, Barney has found Miss Beazley, Where in the White House is Miss Beazley?, Barney Reloaded, Barney and Spot’s Winter Wonderland, and the original, classic, Barney Cam. I am not making this up. Barney has his own entire page on the White House website.

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG A FELON DEPT.: Kossack LunkHead tells us that the Recording Industry Association of America is pursuing a lawsuit against a guy, not for illegal downloading, but for – get this – “illegally” transferring the music files from CDs he bought legally onto his personal computer. WTF?? Super marketing idea, RIAA. Way to curry favor among your customers. True genius . . . To be more specific, the RIAA maintains that the conversion of AIFF-format files (the type of larger, higher-fidelity files that are found on CDs) to MP3s (the smaller, lower-fidelity files that iPods and other similar devices play) constitutes “unauthorized copying” of copyrighted material – the essence of their argument is that the conversion process itself is what makes the MP3s illegal . . . Pondering the legal nuance of this esoteric argument, J R Hand asks, timelessly, not “How many recording-industry executives can dance on the head of a needle,” but rather, “What if I get a song stuck in my head? Could I be sued for transferring music from the radio/CD/iPod to my brain cells?” Great question . . . (engadget also has a good discussion on the issue . . .

NEXT MONTH’S SELECTION – MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM RUDY GIULIANI: I’m sure Lynne Spears is positively giddy about being a Maymaw agin. Too bad her book on parenting, scheduled for publication by Christian book publisher Thomas Nelson – the largest publisher of English Bibles in the world – has been postponed indefinitely . . . Wise move, Thomas Nelson. I hear Michael Vick has a killer manuscript available on Christian dog rearing . . .

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD SCIENTISTS DEPT.: Josh Brolin‘s not the only one whose desert outings have been put off by drug traffickers. Scientists who spend time in the remote regions on either side of the U.S. – Mexico border are reporting that their work is becoming increasingly dangerous – and not because the jumping cholla are jumping farther. Since 2001, drug smugglers, in an effort to avoid border security, have moved further and further afield, out into areas where it used to be that only dedicated desert hounds and researchers such as geologists, botanists and zoologists could be found. Citing a new medical condition that has seen a sharp uptick in recent years, botanist Richard Felger said, “I got kind of allergic to pistols being held to my forehead.” Where’s Tommy Lee Jones when you need him? . . .

IT’S OKAY IF YOU’RE ME DEPT.: Who does this guy think he is, anyway – George Bush, or something?  Portugal’s new anti-smoking law went into effect January 1, banning smoking in public locations such as bars, restaurants and hotels. Enforcement began immediately – starting with the guy responsible for implementing the new law.  But Antonio Nunes, who was caught lighting up a cigar in a casino, claimed he didn’t understand that the new law applied to casinos as well . . .

LEARN TO BE AN AYATOLLAH IN YOUR SPARE TIME DEPT.: I don’t know how he does it, but Muqtada al-Sadr is somehow finding time to squeeze in studies for his ayatollah-ship. It’s gotta be tough, juggling responsibilities as a leader of a rebel militia, husband, father, political leader and teen idol. But according to NPR, al-Sadr will use CDs, videos and home study to complete his course work some time around 2010, at which time he can be elevated to the level of ayatollah. As ayatollah, his orders to kill infidels will attain the level of religious fatwa, as opposed to being mere contracts to whack someone . . .

UN-HAPPY ENDING DOWN UNDER: Awww, poor Ozzie government officials – looks like they won’t be getting massages at taxpayer expense anymore. After expenditures of nearly $200,000 AU over two years (most of it by postal workers – who knew?), the Australian government has decided to take a “hands-off” approach to such perks . . .

THIS STORY HAS LEGS DEPT.: – and tits, ass, guns and money: 8ackgr0und N015e reports that Kumari Fulbright, law clerk for U.S. District Judge Raner Collins and member of the editorial board of the Arizona Journal of International and Comparative Law at the University of Arizona, has been arrested and charged with a whole bunch of wacky stuff, including kidnapping, torture, assault with a deadly weapon, and – well, hold on: did we mention that she’s a calendar girl? For a website called subguns.com? Yup – Miss May 2008, carrying a Heckler & Koch HK 51. Check it out. Yeah. Umm, according to the reports, Fulbright is accused of “tying up her 24-year-old ex-boyfriend with plastic cable and duct tape, and holding him captive for hours in two different Tucson homes,” and says that she “bit him several times while he was bound, stuck a butcher knife in his ear … said she was going to kill him, [and] pointed a pistol at him.” Whew. That’s hot . . . Pandering? Who’s pandering? . . .

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