Learn How to Ski

1. Wear tight fitting jeans and a free Jacket from Marlboro Country.

2. Stand in middle of parking lot and take pictures of the mountains.

3. Get pissy with the Ticket Agent for not honoring your photocopied coupon.

4. Walk into Rental Shop and say every pair of boots hurts your feet.

5. Drag rental skis and poles across parking lot.

6. Lessons are for wimps…head immediately for the double black diamond slopes.

7. Leave all the buckles on your boots nice and loose.

8. Bend over at the hip, stick your poles through your arm pits, lean back and ask for a push from another skier.

9. If you see a tree or boulder aim for it, gravity is tricky, anything you aim for you’ll probably miss.

10. Big Air, you’ll probably catch some big air on the way down so now is a good time to try all of those tricks you’ve seen on the X Games.

11. Ignore all Ski Patrol signs, they are just the man tryin’ to keep you down.

12. Lift Line Etiquette – most people who have been standing in line for 20 minutes just love having you and your friends cut ahead of them by scooting under the rope.

13. Never look up the hill when traversing across a slope, it’s more fun to live dangerously.

14. Lodge Etiquette – take over two or three tables by covering them with crumpled napkins and spraying ketchup (preferably Heinz) all over.

15. At the end of the day it is considered good form to cry and throw your skis at the rental person.

16. On your way home be sure to stop at the local gas station and brag about the things you did.