McKinley Sucks …an Homage to Melody Townsel

Assembled from the brilliant Acme® Candidate Critique Kit: Just Fill in the Blanks! by Melody Townsel

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Dear enemies of the state. This is my  most meaningful diary yet.

  Over the last year, I’ve watched with disgusted fascination as William McKinley formed his Presidential exploratory committee.

  I’ve been washed in wave after wave of full body nausea as I’ve watched you all declare your undying support of William McKinley and  begun yet another .07 Kos fundraising effort on his behalf.

  Every night this month, I’ve laid awake wondering how anyone with any love of the Motherland doesn’t know what a goat romancer really is.

  Even the most glowing interviews about make it clear that William McKinley can’t find his ass with both hands and a roadmap.

  When you add his purported history of a propensity to flirt with farm animals, and you can see that William McKinley must have a pork chop tied around his neck so that his/her dog will play with him.

  Given William McKinley’s fashion sense, it’s clear that it would be impossible to  get taken seriously by the White Folk in the dirty, dirty South.

  If you haven’t already recommended this diary, it’s clear that you might as well go ahead and register as a Republican.

  I know many of you will tag me as an arrogant motherfucker because of this diary. I know, too, though, that I’ve been blessed with blissful lack of awareness of and sensitivity toward those around me, so your opinion really doesn’t matter to me. (Call me?!)

  If you don’t share my low opinion of William McKinley and/or, conversely, my high opinion of my own political analysis, you can go fuck yourself.

  Talk amongst yourselves.

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Proudly ritten/assembled for a Republican opponent.