my boy died this morning. he was a sweet soul. kind. abiding the silliness of us humans.
mae west in drag.
bouncing dog. always wanting food. was known to raid the kitty litter.
kind. really kind. gentle. funny. he loved me. i loved him.
strange. how it happened. last night at my aunt’s house (we were house sitting), he seemed not to be able to see. and i was down on the floor with him, trying to understand what had happened… that it had happened. the seizure was next. i found the animal hospital… we did xrays and full blood screen. nothing detectable, except he had no platelets… not good. not good at all. i left him there at 3am, sedated. i got up at 6:30am and he had done well the tech said over the phone. i was getting ready to leave and not five minutes later the vet called and said i should hurry… he had taken a turn for the worse.
he was gone when i got there. i wanted to be with him when he left this life. i went over to him on the steel table. they had covered him. and he looked peaceful… they said he went easy. and i was so grateful for that. but i wanted more time. i didn’t see this coming. and now he’s gone.
he saved me so many times. my humanity. my sense of humor. my sense of belonging. there is something eternal in the love of a dog. life makes sense next to them.
i miss him. i came back home. i had to. but it’s so quiet… so still.
i love you Bear. Bear-Lo. Smuppy. Silly dog. Sweet dog.
The sun came out and it’s a bright day this day. Like when the cosmos gets back a really really special soul… it can’t help but to light up.
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and to haven he provided for my emotional self…
I’m so sorry pfiore8. He sounds like he was a wonderful friend. I miss him just reading your essay and never met your dog.
I feel I know your boy though pictures and walks I have taken with you both. My heart goes out to you. Animals are the best of friends and their love is sane, grounding and reciprocated. They bring a unconditional love into your life and your giving to them is never unappreciated or questioned. RIP Bear. Sorry for your loss.
our Maine coon cat, I spent day after day visiting a newsgroup dedicated to our lost pets. Whenever I read something like yours I almost feel as I did then, and understand so well how you must feel today.
“My heart goes out to you”. What exactly does that mean? I’d rip out my heart and give it to you if I could? Maybe that’s it. If your heart is breaking about Bear, perhaps you need a new heart and I’d give you mine it that would help.
Oh sweet {{{pf8}}}! Sweet smuppy {{{Bear}}}! Reaching out with hugs and tears for you both…
I’m so sorry!!! This is very very very sad news. Wish I could do something to help.
O I’m sooo sorry {{{{{*{pfiore}*}}}}}
oh my goodness… so unexpected…
so quick… {{{{bear}}}}
oh my dear, what a blow… always so very tough to lose a dear friend, especially an old dear friend
(;_;)
you & ej must get a new baby when you get to NL…
pf — I am so, so sorry. How horrible to lose your friend so suddenly, no time to prepare either of you for it. If there was something I could do to help you feel better, I would do it right now — I hope you know that. Much love and a huge hug and a poem written for a beloved dog that died (and which Gregory Peck read at Frank Sinatra’s funeral — go figure!):
To Those I Love
by Isla Paschal Richardson
If I should ever leave you,
Whom I love
To go along the silent way. . .
Grieve not.
Nor speak of me with tears.
But laugh and talk of me
As if I were beside you there.
(I’d come. . .I’d come,
Could I but find a way!
But would not tears and
And grief be barriers?)
And when you hear a song
Or see a bird I loved,
Please do not let the thought of me
Be sad. . .for I am loving you
Just as I always have. . .
You were so good to me!
There are so many things
I wanted still to do. . .
So many things I wanted to say
to you. . . Remember that
I did not fear. . . It was
Just leaving you
That was so hard to face.
We cannot see beyond. . .
But this I know:
I loved you so. . .
’twas heaven here with you!
He was beautiful.
I’m afraid to get another dog–their loss is so great.
Reminds me of my very cheap aunt–never spent a nickel on something frivolous. One day, her 14 year old golden swallowed a golf ball. She rushed him to the vet who advised putting him down. Stella refused, paid a thousand dollars (1960) to have the ball removed, and had her dog for 6 extra months. I was so proud of her and her priorities.
I lost two dogs in 2007, one from an accident, and the other just died (while I was in Denver visiting my brother).
I know it is rough, there has been a lot of this in my life over the last few years. I have so far been content to pet the cat, and think about the best way to replace two friends.
My heart goes out to you.
Know exactly how you feel and how much it hurts.
So without warning and no chance for “goodbyes!”
There’s nothing like losing one’s best “buddy!”
My heart goes out to you!
There’s one less sweet soul in this world tonight.
You have my sympathy and a big HUG for being our sweet soul on Docudharma.
I’ve had a few dogs in my day whose company I preferred to 99% of the people I know. When it was time for them to go it left behind a terrible hole in my heart.
There’s no “morphine” for the kind of pain that’s left. We just have to take it and it sucks. However, there’s the old adage which I suppose applies: It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
He was a lucky guy to have had you. Hang in there.
…all I can say is so very sorry. Sucks.
{{{pf8}}}
im so sorry for your loss. im even sorrier that i auto-pub’d a pony party for tomorrow with dogs in it before i read this. im really, really sorry.
if there’s anything you need, you know where to find me xoxo
So sorry Pfiore.
I lost my Weenie this past July. Her nickname was Little Bear.
Hugs to you my friend.
My Little Bear
Hopefully they’re hanging out together somewhere 🙂
The pic that has helped me since, maybe it will help you too….
I copied the wrong photo link. UGH.
Here she is:
If I could pick an afterlife, it’d be the Rainbow Bridge one, where all the Good Beasts would be there, and I would lie down in the tall grass, and they’d just pile on…
Maybe it’s just an image in the mind.
Maybe not.
…will be waiting for you.
be strong. Blessings.
{{{{{{pf8}}}}}} {{{{{{Bear}}}}}}
beautiful Bear is gone. oh god i’m so sorry.
fuck fuck fuck. i’m so sorry, pf8.
after 9/11, after i learned my brother was safe, after everyone around me had cried and i hadn’t, i spied a cat killed on the road and completely and totally lost it. it’s the unconditional love that animals have that just strips the heart bare. “Bear.”
beautiful boy