My candidate lost last night! I’m so depressed, I can barely function.
I guess the voters of New Iovadalina just don’t get it. Spineless bastards must have lied in the pre-primary polling.
The only reason we lost is because the other guys outspent us three to one.
The only reason we lost is because the media likes the other candidate better.
The only reason we lost is because older women thought the other candidate was someone you could sit down and have a tear with.
The only reason we lost is because the other side smeared my candidate as being “too angry.”
The only reason we lost is because the other side smeared my candidate as being “too conciliatory.”
The only reason we lost is because the other side smeared my candidate as being “too much in bed with corporate interests.”
We only lost in New Iovadalina because it was never our intention to win there. The primary system is a joke, anyway.
We only lost because those damn college kids registered to vote locally.
We only lost because those damn college kids didn’t show up to vote.
We only lost because the other candidate kept spouting platitudes about “hope.”
We only lost because the other candidate kept spouting platitudes about “change.”
We only lost because the other candidate kept spouting platitudes about “hope and change.”
We only lost because nobody bothered to look at the other candidate’s voting record.
We only lost because everybody got hung up on our candidate’s voting record.
These people are so mired in “pragmatism,” it makes me sick.
These people are so out there in idealism, it makes me sick.
These people clearly don’t understand the value of experience.
These people clearly don’t understand the value of fresh blood.
What’s wrong with these people? Don’t they understand the importance of electing the first woman president?
What’s wrong with these people? Don’t they understand the importance of electing the first black president?
What’s wrong with these people? Don’t these understand the importance of the Southern vote?
These people are idiots. Can’t they see the need for a fighter in the White House?
These people are idiots. Can’t they see the need for a consensus builder in the White House?
These people are idiots. Can’t they see they need for someone who can get things done in the White House?
OMG, can’t these people see that their candidate is not electable??
The voters have made a huge mistake. It’s all over. I’m afraid there is no hope for this country. If my candidate doesn’t get elected, America is doomed. I hate to think what life will be like in this country for the next four years if this other person gets elected.
How stupid are these people, anyway? Can’t these people see that no one besides my candidate could possibly serve the interests of the Democratic Party and the people of the United States?
I don’t know why I even bother anymore. That’s it – the Democratic Party has lost me forever. Democrats and Republicans – they’re all the same. Nothing will ever change. If my candidate doesn’t win the nomination, the Democrats will not get a nickel of my money.
Just for that, I’m voting for McCain.
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Hey – it ain’t over ’til the Supreme Court decides the election . . .
So everybody keep going!
… this is great.
and now, for a song:
“Everybody’s doin it, doin it
picking their nose and
chewin it, chewin it
They think it’s candy
but it’s SNOT!
It’s a hot-fudge sundae with
a buggur on top!
hey. John Edwards said it succinctly… only 2 races down, 48 more to go.
let’s see what happens if he’s able to push it to the edge.
interesting, no?
worms. isn’t there a reality show for those kind of predilections?
Voting for the walking dead always did have a certain appeal to me.
And just think, if any of McCain’s staff displease him, as opposed to asking for their resignations, he can just eat their brains.
Why don’t we dispense with all of the primaries and conventions and election nonsense, and submit the question to the Supreme Court, who can rule 5-4 that McCain is the next president. Maybe we could use all the money and time wasted on elections to get the WGA strike settled and get something worth watching on television. All this politics is boring. Just saying.
😉
You’ve pretty well summed up the reasons that candidates groupies have used/will use to try to explain losses. The reason my candidate lost is that he didn’t even run… Now I’ll have to choose one of the “losers”.
(snark, BTW)
are here in PA (I thought May but read April somewhere today)…it doesn’t matter. Almost certainly, the candidates will have been chosen before the PA primaries.
So I ain’t got a dog in this race. Yet. All of ours are better than any of theirs.
I think you nailed it, occams hatchet! Very clever, BTW!