Apocalypse Now

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

Be careful what you ask for.  I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one.  Brought it up to me like room service.  It was a real choice mission, and when it was over, I never wanted another.

“Your mission is to proceed up the Impeachment River on Daily Kos.  Pick up the trail of RePug lies, war crimes and treason, follow it and learn what you can along the way.  When you see Madame Speaker’s complicit hackery, expose it by whatever means available, and Terminate her Speakership.”

I got terminated instead.  But I still wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me another one.  Brought it up to me like room service.  It was another real choice mission.  

“Your mission is to proceed up the Warmongering Hackery River.  Pick up Colonel Kurtz’s trail, follow it and learn what you can along the way.  When you see Colonel Kurtz’s warmongering hackery, expose it by whatever means available, and Terminate It.”

I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn’t even know it yet.    Months away and thousands of Bullshit Express campaign miles later, it was clear that Colonel Kurtz’s Bullshit Express snaked through America like a main circuit cable–plugged straight into Hell.

Brace yourself America, Colonel Kurtz wants us to crawl along the edge of a straight razor.  For a hundred years. That’s his dream.  That’s our nightmare.  America the Snail.  Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor:

For a hundred years.

In the interests of clarity, I have translated Colonel Kurtz’s stump speech into plain English so every American will understand what he’s really saying:

Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror.  Horror and moral terror are your friends. When I had no campaign money left and had to hitchhike to my campaign appearances, I wanted to tear my teeth out.  I didn’t know what I wanted to do.  And I want to remember it.  I never want to forget it. I never want to forget.  And then I realized . . . like I was shot . . . like I was shot with a diamond . . . a diamond bullet right through my forehead.  STAY IN IRAQ FOR 100 YEARS!  And I thought: My God . . . the genius of that. The genius.   The will to do that.  Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure.

100 years in Iraq.  I’m not sure that’s . . . oops, Colonel Kurtz isn’t quite finished sharing his perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, and pure vision of America’s endless war against terrorism. . .

We must kill them.  We must incinerate them.  Pig after pig.  Cow after cow.  Village after village.  Army after army.

Hey asshole:

Um.  Can SOMEONE in the corporate media talk to this guy?  You know, actually interview him, so voters will know he’s a batshit insane lunatic?  How about it, Tweety?  

Hey, man, you don’t talk to the Colonel.  You listen to him.  The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet-warrior in the classic sense.  I mean sometimes he’ll… uh… well, you’ll say “hello” to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you.  He won’t even notice you.  And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say, “do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life?

Thanks, Tweety.  I didn’t know that.  That demonstrates strong leadership, in a psychopathic sort of way.  But I do know THIS:

As President Bush gave his last State of the Union address to Congress, Democracy Corps and Greenberg Quinlan Research conducted a large scale survey in the Republican battleground of the most competitive 40 Republican-held House seats.  Democrats start off even with Republicans (45 to 46 percent) in a challenging battleground that Republicans won by a 10-point margin in the past two elections. These named long-term incumbents are at only 46 percent on average, and are behind in the most competitive 20 seats.

And THIS

A few months ago, there was a spate of retirement announcements among House Republicans, but it wasn’t too big a deal. The announcements were a little early, but the numbers were in line with normal turnover that happens in practically every cycle. But what started as a modest trend is starting to look like an exodus. At this point, House Republican incumbents are fleeing from the House as if it were on fire. In all, there are now 28 House Republicans who will not seek re-election (about 14% of the House GOP caucus) – including five retirement announcements in five days.

RePugs, RePugs, RePugs, your heroes in Congress are cutting and running, your presidential candidates are clawing each other’s eyes out around the clock, but don’t lose heart.  Your Permanent Republican Majority has crashed and burned here, but Republicans are still admired in the Reddest State of all.  Speaking of Hell, The Gipper has been watching all your crashing and burning from down there, and just sent a message to all of you regarding your future prospects up here . . .