The fever burns. Whether the fever of the head or the heart, it burns.
Temperature rising,
it isn’t surprising
she certainly can can-can–Irving Berlin
Twenty-four hours being bathed in fire, spiked with the occasional five minutes of shaking from being chilled to the bone and frequent bouts of coughing which rendered breathing problematic have passed. Memories linger and are recorded. Ideas joust with each other for primacy. Words erupt.
Memories of the bad times…of decades of burning pieces of my heart to keep the world out…and me in, all in the pursuit of safety, or so I thought. When in doubt run away, either emotionally, psychologically or physically. What else could be considered sane when one lives in an insane world? And the inhabitants of this world became more fearful with each passing day.
You do not want to see this. I didn’t either. I was just innocently looking for Robert Plant’s Ship of Fools on youtube. What is at that link, however, reveals some of the source of the delirium. And the 40th anniversary of the Tet Offensive should be remembered, as unsanitized as it happened.
The following version is easier to see. The words take on special meaning.
The soul must breathe as well as the lungs. It must be set free. Eventually. Can we climb out of the holes we have dug for ourselves? Can we reassemble the fragments we have sought to destroy? Do we want to?
Time is an arrow. There is no going back. But it is also baggage we carry forward.
I can’t imagine life if I had not won my freedom. Those thoughts and emotions had been buried under a sea of mathematical logic. No time for the self. Who needs to lie to oneself when Truth works so much better?
Turn this boat around. Back to that loving ground? Away from the Land of Fear. Can’t we find that place? As a people? Can’t we be those people we wish existed? Shall we always deny our better selves? Why?
The fever burns. Who knew there were so many different kinds of truth to be pursued? All one has to do is listen.
And maybe try out another point of view.
Flying high up in the sky
I wonder why I have to have another point of view
To see me through
But now I think I’m gonna fall
I hope this isn’t all
And on top of that I hope it’s not the last time–Harry Nilsson
A cough amidst the delirium ignites a random irrelevant memory:
–Carol Burnett
The fever burns. Some of what it burns away deserves to be gone. The delirium is an alternate point of view. My email says the solution to all of life’s problems is a bigger dick…er, “love cannon.” If only they knew…
Life is a neverending story problem. Can we find the solution before the Nothing devours our world?
Delirium
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Author
…which can be interpreted several different ways.
I appreciate the concern that was expressed by everyone this morning. Treatment seems to be working.
Robyn
Thanks very much — don’t think I ever saw that before.
Author
What is the most single truth you’ve learned in your life
I can really identify with this part:
“… a poissen can develop a cold!”
Haven’t yet watched the Tet video, will do so later.
You take pain, your own pain, and give it to us as beauty and I appreciate that so much.
Famous Buddhist Milarepa said “Perfectly transcend all fear of the true meaning. There is no other patience.”
I have no understanding of this saying yet it has always stayed with me after I read it. Reading your essay brings it to mind.
Maybe that I just think that although it may be full of fire, you have a great amount of patience.
I was kinda worried over the whole problems breathing thing.
posters here comprise two groups.
Those who think the current sysytem allows for a correction.
Those who think the current system is broken and does not allow for a correction.
This poster falls into the second group.
I was a wingnut once and loved to hate on Clinton during his early years in power. I was a Naderite once as well. And now, I am currently on my 4th Presidential candidate (Obama) after the other three (Feingold, Gore, Edwards) all dropped out. Who knows who I will support after all this is over with.
is how do I know when I’ve punished myself enough? What constitutes atonement for my stupidity, my stubbornness, my lack of charity. Not can we climb out of the holes we have dug for ourselves? but should I?
Maybe the hole is what I deserve.
Maybe it is just easier.
I know it’s safer.
Author
…that the discussion here always has a different flavor that the discussion at Daily Kos.
and sure, my life HAS its problems. big, unfixable ones. but approaching life with the presupposition that it IS a problem isnt likely to bring positive results.
although youre a arithmetician, and might have a different definition of ‘problem’ than i do. it always kind of ticked me off that they called them ‘math problems’. rather uninviting, if you ask me…
my life is a neverending story with ups and downs, windfalls and downfalls, love and loss.