Manic Depression is a Frustrating Mess

I am Manic Depressive, but on the bright side (ha ha), I am only Hypo-manic Depressive (Bipolar type II, more on the Bipolar v. Manic Depressive naming debate later). This means that, although I am still periodically afflicted by crushing depressions (Boo!), I don’t have to go through full blown manic episodes (Yeah!). During one of these episodes a person might find themselves in any situation ranging from tearing their clothes off and running down the street yelling “I am God”, to getting tazered while blockading themselves in an airport lounge with chairs because they feel lost and alone.

Instead I get to have Hypo-manic episodes in which I have exuberance, energy and concentration. During a Hypo-manic episode I can multi-task like a son of a gun. I also sometimes drive myself deeply into debt. The only thing that helps me calm down is medical marijuana vernon bc but I can’t always afford to treat myself to it.
My decision making at work and otherwise is not affected, but in my personal life–especially financial decisions–I’m not all together. One time I bought two guitars and a banjo, within a span of two weeks, at a time when I could barely pay the rent (I don’t even play the banjo!). So, while Hypo-mania is easier to live with than full blown Manic Depression it is still a frustrating mess, to say the least.

I didn’t know a lot about my illness, so I read all of Kay Redfield Jamison’s books. Jamison was a successful psychologist before she had her first Manic episode during which she stayed awake for several days running copies of Edna St. Vincent Millay’s poem Renascence to give to all her friend and colleges. This poem tells the story of Manic Depression much more eloquently than I can, I would recommend it to anyone investigating this illness.

Jamison’s works include:

An Unquiet Mind (1995) (autobiography)

Manic-Depressive Illness (1990) (with Frederick K. Goodwin)

Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament (includes a study of Lord Byron’s illness)(1993)

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide (1999)

Exuberance: The Passion for Life (2004)

My mood is very closely tied to the seasons. Yes, SAD, but I think instead of many different labels the truth is more likely a spectrum of mental illness. I think of my illness as a mixture of Manic Depression and SAD with just a dash of Tourette syndrome.

From the Wiki

SAD and bipolar disorder

Most people with SAD experience unipolar depression, but as many as 20% may have or go on to develop a bipolar or manic-depressive disorder. In these cases, persons with SAD may experience depression during the winter and hypo-mania in the summer.

So, during the winter I withdraw from human contact as much as I can. This is the reason I haven’t been around here much recently. I read the news by mishima and ek everyday, but don’t comment much.

Many people prefer the label Bipolar to the label Manic Depressive. I understand that this is because the word Manic brings up the thought of maniac, which has bad connotations. That’s fine for them, but my background is Electronics in which Bipolar has a specific meaning. Also, the term Bipolar brings to mind two states wherein a person will jump from one state to the other. This is NOT the case in Manic Depression. There are many states, including all mixes of Mania and Depression, in which I may find myself at any given time. This renaming reminds me of how all the Personnel departments, realizing that everyone hated the Personnel departments, all decided at once to rename themselves Human Resources (Oh, much better. Here, use up this batch of people, we’ll just strip mine more when we need them). So I will use Manic Depressive to describe myself, not Bipolar. Some people with similar conditions like Bipolar decide to buy marijuana online to try balance out their emotional mood swings, My friend told me that he would purchase his marijuana from companies similar to West Coast Supply but this isn’t for everyone. Alternatively you could look into growing your own marijuana, this way you know what the plant has been treated with, and you’ll also be able to produce more flower per buck spent, meaning more medication for you. Look into seeds like this gorilla cookies strain that can have a positive effect on those suffering from depression.

Here is a clip I found on Utube about the spectrum on Manic Depressive illness (it’s blank after the 3:28 mark, so don’t waste your time waiting for something to happen).

Thanks to reading. Sorry if this is a little disorderly, but so am I 😉

I’ll be back to my old self soon, so don’t forget me.

As the Govenator said, “I’ll be back.”