writing in the raw: self reliance. rewritten.

Empowerment.

The big, new-century term. I hate it.

Almost as much as i hate that last century throwback, political correctness.

Two ideas that both disable and imprison people. IMO.

Ideas like these are what make us like our pet dogs: in a perpetual state of puppy hood… needing to be fed, cared for, and looked after throughout our lives.

It’s time to toughen up. And it all starts with the way we think:::::: about ourselves.  

EMpowerment… the act of pouring power into… a person. That’s exactly how we use that word. Its meaning is literally fortified via use of the prefix em, which means to make into, to put into, to get into. Empower women, blacks, gays, children…

Now. From where i sit (in those classic cheap seats),  empowerment promotes the notion that we can only find power from outside the self… and, by extension, need to seek another or a group to infuse us with power… to allow us to BEcome powerful.

I say wait one bloody minute. NO. if we want to be free, then we need to position a concept that speaks to finding ways to unleash or unlock the power with which we are all born.

How My Father Imbued Me with a Sense of My Own Power

When I was in third grade, this kid punched me in the stomach and sent me home crying. My father told me what to do. Find a stick, he said. Hide in the bushes and when the bully comes, run out and whack him in the stomach. I know there will be those of you horrified by this. But I think you ought to reconsider. Cause I whacked that bully in the stomach and I felt like I had options. I didn’t have to take it. The kid’s father called mine that very night. Ha. My father said, hey I didn’t call you when your son hit my daughter… let the kids work out.

In high school, I came in about two hours after my curfew. My father was waiting for me. I walked in and he asked me if I had a good time. I said it was okay. He said, you’re an asshole. You’re going to get grounded for just okay? If you had a great time and told me it was worth getting grounded, at least I could respect your decision. Boink.

And there was the time my father gave me the sex talk: Don’t ever let anybody fuck you, he said. If you want to fuck them, fine. But don’t ever let anybody fuck you. So. You can see. I have no choice…

Don’t Empower Me… When I Can Just Knee the Jerk

Let’s take sexual harassment. My advice? Teach your daughters how a quick knee to the groin is always an option. Imagine. You have the power it takes to disarm an asshole. Novel idea, isn’t it? I mean change the fucking game. When somebody tries to victimize you at work, for example, put your hand out, tell them to hold that thought and you’ll be right back… get some trusted co workers and all of you walk up to the bastard and ask that they please… continue. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that person will cut a wide swath to avoid you.

You know what I find howlingly funny? We can now arrest  people for thought crimes. Really. It’s come to that. But the son-of-a-bitch who terrorizes his wife… with records upon mounds of xrays of broken bones and police calls… there’s nothing the police can do until the abuser strikes. And what can the victim do? How have we arrived at this scenario??? The abused woman has little understanding of her own power and probably has few options… the reason women cite for staying in these relationships.

What we need to learn and unleash in ourselves is the ability to connect with our power to make decisions. To figure things out. To come up with alternative scenarios. To imagine… grasp… believe that we could start college and get a degree at 30 or 40 or 50 years old. Or leave the company and start a florist shop or software company. That’s power.  And good god… infect our children with the idea of their own power and self sufficiency.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. And no one can turn you into a victim without your consent either.

We Don’t Need Surrogates to Solve our Problems

Back to that puppy state to which i referred up top. I think there’s an element of feeling threatened and exposed… how do we hold onto the infrastructure of our lives so we don’t starve or freeze to death? How can we take care of ourselves without electric lights, oil burners, or gas stoves? How many of us know how to make a fire? Do we know which plants are edible from those that could make us sick? Could we make a shelter? Or make a splint to tie up an injured leg?

Whether it’s a bully or uncertain survival, without options in our tool kits, we feel helpless and hopeless.

So maybe it’s time to stop relying on government, our jobs, school, god to take care of us in our personal lives. That’s not to say that government shouldn’t regulate workplace safety or provide single payer health care. That means that maybe we need to be more self-sufficient, both in being able to feed ourselves if necessary and to neutralize those who would take advantage of us.

Don’t Tell Me NOT to Say Fuck…  or Why I Want to Kill Political Correctness

I’d rather people be politically incorrect and hear their version of the truth. I don’t want words banned that betray the symptoms of our social diseases… racial/sexist/ethnic/religious/age bias and discrimination.

Yes… we stand up to people who use slurs and ugly words, yet images of Newark NJ evade our line of sight. Our sympathy segregates Americans and I say let’s stop the profiling. It isn’t about African American children in Newark. It’s about American children thinking that living to 21 is fucking old. It’s about American children who go to school hungry, who are scared to hand in homework for fear of reprisals, who have parents in fucking jail (and most for drug use… oh my god help us).

You better hear a word like NIGGER. Don’t silence it. HEAR THAT WORD. Don’t forget it. Let it take you someplace… like Newark. Face what it means about us… all of us and look the fuck around and see how silencing a word has not cured the disease. How maybe not hearing the word has helped the images to fade. How in good god’s name do we bring consciousness to the darkness??? Certainly NOT by silencing the way people express their thoughts.

I chafe when I hear kids described as “learning disabled.” Most kids are NOT learning disabled. Nothing wrong with their brains. It’s just that kids learn in lots of different ways. When they don’t conform to the flavor of the month being peddled by another pedagogic pedant, it’s the kids who are disabled. Or better yet, let’s shove some Ritalin^TM down their throats. Because kids are better seen and NOT heard.

We can’t say blind anymore. Or deaf. Why are we fighting over these words? And secretaries are now administrative assistants. The definition of secretary? A highly trusted individual. The definition of admin? One who performs functions blah blah blah. Kill me, but I like secretary better.

Somehow do we think if we change or banish words, the world will change?

I am myself. I stand for myself. I don’t give away my power to anybody else to speak for me. I speak for myself.

So instead of trying to control the way everybody else does things or what they say or what they think, control yourself. Use your power to turn those you can to clearer thinking. But don’t think that because the words are gone that the poison has left. It hasn’t. Silencing words only makes hatred more invisible.

The best way to convert the ignorant and indoctrinated is through your own self-confidence and power.  Because if it’s just about shutting them up, well, then nothing will change.

Don’t shut people up. Engage them. Enlighten them… bring light into their minds. Yes. As Carl Jung brilliantly observed… bring consciousness to darkness.