March 25, 2008 archive

Pony Party: Hollywood Calls!

     Straight outta the Big Orange, baby, it’s time for an all new, all the way live Pony Party, complete with a great big welcome hug (and when I say “hug,” I mean “hug,” okay — keep your mitts off the merchandise) because I been missing you ALL like crazy!

   But last week, as you probably heard, there was biz-ness to tend to. As multi-talented, pony-tending partner nocatz explained, Hong Kong called with an offer to finance our newest project, the motion picture version of buhdy’s stunning essay, The Edge of Moistness. Well, okay, they didn’t actually offer, but they did call. Yeah, it was a wrong number – so what? It was like a blind date – I mean, you never know where it might lead, right? Plus, it was a chance to take the Docudharma corporate jet out for a spin, which took a little longer than flying commercial – but hey, it was on the house, so why not? It was actually kind of fun…I’m just not too sure where we are at the moment.

Photobucket

   Before we move on, I have to say, nocatz set the bar pretty darn high with his pony-sitting treks the past few weeks. Who else could take us deep into the untamed wilds of the Arizona desert and then just casually throw in a starring role by a U. S. Supreme Court Chief Justice? Tough act to follow — and I’ll get even with him for that later. But being the responsible, totally grown up, gratification-delaying adult that I am, I did manage to steal a few minutes here and there from my busy jet-setting schedule to work on the much-anticipated screenplay for The Edge of Moistness.

    So far, the credits are done:

    Inspired by a title by buhdydharma.

    Story by: kj, nocatz and undercovercalico.

    Script by: yours truly.)

    Casting is almost complete, too!

    Jack Nicholson IS buhdydharma (Lance)

    With Edward Norton as nocatz (The Dude)

    Sharon Stone as undercovercalico (Samantha)

    Lindsay Lohan as kj (Desiree)

    Plus, a very special guest appearance by Paris Hilton as moneysmith

    (Please feel free to add your own casting suggestions and don’t be shy! No ego too big – that’s our motto! But clearly we need input from some of the PP irregulars – do I need to name names here, people????)  

    All of which brings us to the topic du jour – the four-letter word: LOVE. Question: Have you ever fallen so crazy mad in love that all you could think about was the object of your affection and how incredibly incredible the person is and for like 24/7 your brain resembles a pork chop marinating in an emotional broth of hormones and endorphins that turns the rest of you into some kind of jelly that you’d really like to slather onto places that we aren’t even going to mention because it’s kind of early and some children might stop by?  Nah, me neither. But apparently it happens. Just look at all the songs that have been written celebrating love found and lost, love tripped over, stepped on and squished like a bug. If love didn’t exist, what would musicians write about?? Think of it!!! We would be forced to listen to songs celebrating everyday stuff — the deal we just got on tires at Costco, our new Frosted Strawberry highlights, recipes for pineapple barbecue sauce. See what I’m saying? Everybody wants to wallow in the mud-pit of love, even if they’re wearing their good shoes – just because it’s there! But for some reason, writing about it is … oh, dare I say challenging?  

    For inspiration, I turned to our sponsor extraordinaire, a cherished website that I wouldn’t share with just anyone. But since you people are already known for discriminating taste, sophisticated and nuanced humor, and traffic-stopping good looks — in other words, since you’re just like me – here you go. Introducing the wonderful world of … Longmire! where romance isn’t just another two-syllable word!    

    But even Longmire hasn’t been helping when it comes to really nailing a pivotal scene. And according to the “experts,” we need more than just credits and character names. We need an actual script with scenes, preferably the kind that make people shell out 20 bucks – or whatever a movie ticket costs these days. So here’s what we’ve got thus far. To be honest, it might need just a teeny bit more work. But you all can be the judge:  

FADE IN

Sunset at the trailer park. Water shimmers in a small blue plastic wading pool, which is good because that kind of hides the clumps of dog hair floating near the bottom.

A lone man, LANCE, stands next to the pool, staring toward the horizon. His clothes have seen better days. In fact, he’s seen better days, and apparently quite a few of them. But even time cannot diminish his chiseled features — or the fact that he still has the butt of a 20-year-old in jeans. (Note: may require 18-year-old body double here).

An attractive woman, DESIREE, looking incredibly provocative in a simple $4,000 designer Spandex mini-dress, steps out of the trailer and walks up behind him.

Desire: You’re leaving again, aren’t you, Lance?    

With one eyebrow askance, Lance smiles down at the woman who is clearly putty just waiting to be shaped into something a little more exciting than dough-like cement.  

Lance: Damn straight. What’s it to you, woman?

She turns away from him, trying bravely to hide her tears.  

Desiree: Nothing! Go ahead, leave! But just remember this – I can’t forget you. I won’t – do you hear me? You’re exactly like those little tiny seeds on the Big Mac buns, the ones that get stuck in my teeth for days, and I can’t get them out without a toothpick. If I could find a toothpick for my heart, for my soul, Lance, I wouldn’t care if you left. But so far, I’m shit out of luck, toothpick-wise.

Lance snorts, derisively. (Or, if derisive is too hard, he can just snort.)

Lance: Oh, yeah. Well, you know what, Desi? I feel the same way about you. Ever since I met you, in the men’s room down at the pool hall, I’ve had the same feeling as that night I nailed your friend Samantha at the beach, when you went to get hot dogs, and we got sand …uhhhhh, in places where it’s not supposed to be.

Desiree: What???? What do you mean … where it’s not supposed to be?

Lance: You know …in my underpants.

Desiree: Underpants??? How old are you – six?

Lance: Okay, in my shorts – happy now? Geez!! You’re just like that sand in my shorts – and a toothpick won’t help.

Desiree looks confused.

Desiree: Wait … you slept with Samantha when I was at the concession stand????

Lance: You were gone a pretty long time.

Desiree: They ran out of sauerkraut for your Warsaw Dog, shithead!  

Lance: Whatever! It’s old news. I’m just saying … I still have feely things for you … you’re just like that sand in my shorts.

Desiree: Did it ever occur to you that you could just take a shower and wash your clothes?

Now it’s Lance’s turn to look confused, which he does with ease.  

Desiree: Oh, too complicated for you? Well, maybe Samantha could help out!  

Lance:  Well, uh, yeah — maybe she will. And by the way, you never told me what you were doing in pool hall men’s room at 2 in the morning.  

Desiree: Oh – ummmm (she looks flustered) …. Really, I never told you??? Hahahahaha!! Funny story, actually – but you know, we can talk about it later. Anyway, this is no time for words. Kiss me, you big lug!

    So anyway, that’s where we are so far. Obviously, it’s got a lot going for it, in terms of not too many big words and plenty of space between the lines. But if you see room for improvement, please feel free to share!! And contributions – ideas, dialogue, characters, cash, dog food, etc. – are welcome, too. Remember, The Edge of Moistness is a co-production, which means I’m not taking all the blame for this sucker.

    By the way, you know those rumors – the ones that say Pony Parties are not only educational and informative, but also raise your IQ, whiten your teeth and stimulate new hair growth (but only in places where you want hair to grow)? Sorry, but they’re not true.  Also, please understand one thing: if you rec this, you’re going to be flying on the corporate jet next and it’s going to be one bumpy ride, okay? If you’re dying to hit a Rec button, get your butt over to the esteemed Front Page and check out the Recent and Recommended Diaries. Then come back here and totally blow off the rest of your evening with a bunch of other people who apparently have nothing better to do either. It’ll be fun, in a pathetic kind of way.  

Four at Four

  1. Well at first this sounded good on ‘paper’, but then the nitty gritty details are looked at. The Los Angeles Times reports Supreme Court rejects Bush’s claim on death cases.

    The Supreme Court dealt President Bush a defeat today and ruled that he does not have the “unilateral authority” to force state officials to comply with international treaties.

    Chief Justice John G. Roberts said the Constitution gives the president the power “to execute the laws, not make them.” Unless Congress passes a law to enforce a treaty, the president usually cannot do it on his own, Roberts said.

    The case decided today arose from an unusual dispute and an unexpected intervention by Bush. But the justices used it to make a strong statement about the limits of presidential power…

    In today’s 6-3 decision, … Justices Antonin Scalia, Anthony M. Kennedy, Clarence Thomas and Samuel A. Alito Jr. joined Roberts’ opinion. And Justice John Paul Stevens concurred in the result.

    The dissenters, led by Justice Stephen G. Breyer, took the view that treaties become part of American law and must therefore be followed by state and federal officials.

    So, this undoes one Vienna Convention, so is this the first stab at undoing the Geneva Conventions and other treaties?

  2. The New York Times reports of a Cool reception for U.S. envoys in Pakistan. “The American officials also met with Nawaz Sharif, another bitter opponent of President Musharraf and the leader of the Pakistan Muslim League-N, the party that won the second biggest share of seats in Parliament in the recent elections. Mr. Negroponte is scheduled later to meet [Prime Minister] Gillani and Asif Ali Zardari, the widower of Ms. Bhutto and now a leader of her party.”

    Mr. Sharif had a strong message for the visiting officials on American pressure to fight the Islamic extremists. “It cannot be that while wishing to ensure peace for others our country is turned into a killing field,” Mr. Sharif said at a news briefing on Tuesday afternoon. “We want peace in America, but we also want a peaceful Pakistan.”

    Referring to their discussion of plans to open talks with the militants, Mr. Sharif said: “I told them that situation has changed now. There is no more one-man show. Parliament has come into being, and the Parliament will decide all policies. No individual today can give a commitment on anything.”

    I guess “cool” didn’t mean totally “awesome”.

  3. The Guardian reports 40% of Afghan aid returns to donor countries, says report.

    Afghanistan is being deprived of $10bn (£5bn) of promised aid, and 40% of the money that has been delivered was spent on corporate profits and consultancy fees, according to a hard-hitting report by aid agencies released today.

    The failure of western donors to keep their promises, compounded by corruption and inefficiency, is undermining the prospects for peace in Afghanistan, it warns.

    Civil aid programmes are a fraction of what is spent by America, Britain and other countries on military operations there. Much of the money earmarked for aid is diverted to political or military purposes.

    The report by Acbar, an alliance of international aid agencies working in the country, including Oxfam, Christian Aid, Islamic Relief and Save the Children, says the international community has pledged $25bn to Afghanistan since 2001 but only $15bn has been delivered.

  4. Whoopsy-Daisy! Here we go again, the Washington Post reports the Pentagon admits mistaken arms shipment to Taiwan.

    The U.S. Air Force mistakenly shipped fuses that are used in nuclear weapons to Taiwan in 2006, believing the crates contained helicopter batteries, officials at the Pentagon announced this morning.

    The error — undetected by the United States until last week, despite repeated inquiries by Taiwan — raises questions about how carefully the Pentagon safeguards its weapons systems. It also exposes the United States to criticism from China, a staunch opponent of a militarized Taiwan.

    Pentagon officials said Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates has launched a full investigation. The devices — which, when attached to a missile, help launch the detonating process — have been returned to the United States, and President Bush has been briefed.

    First accidentally flying nuclear weapons across the United States and now accidently sending detonators for nuclear weapons to Taiwan. Oy vey!

Catapulting the propaganda in Iraq and Basra

Compare the headlines out of Iraq today at Fox News with MSNBC News:

           

“Dagger in the Heart of Al Qaeda” versus “Heavy fighting erupts in Basra”.

Continues…

Americas Last Chance?

Pundits and Kossaks are saying Hillary is done. There is a quote about when “it” is over that I will not indulge in here, wishing to avoid any hint of misogyny…but her chances are looking, um, slimmer. It seems like everyday brings us a bit closer to McCain vs. Obama.

Could there be a bigger (rhetorical) contrast?

Old vs. New, Rhetoric of Peace vs. Rhetoric of War, Unity vs. Division, Hope vs. Death and Destruction….and there is one more I am forgetting, I think.

Folks here do not seem to be as easy of prey for rhetoric as elsewhere, but the choice is eloquently framed by the candidates, Obama using his natural eloquence, the last 8 years providing it for St. John the Asleep.

In eight long/short months, America will have a clear choice….of, at least, rhetoric. And to a certain extent, action as well. For we may not know what Obama will do for us, but it doesn’t take Kreskin to know what McCain will do to us.

America is crumbling. The ancient shards of broken pottery in the cradle of civilization spreading inexorably to our barn. Destroying not the merchandise, but the entire structure. As they always do, eventually, the walls of Empire falling in amongst themselves. This may not be the last chance to stop the implosion, but it is by far our best next step.

What will America choose?

Feedback: Call for Submissions – Official Launch Issue

The internet, primarily through blogs, has brought about a communications revolution. Yet the traditional media has maintained their position as information gatekeepers, and they won’t let you hear us.

We can’t bring about change when the media ignores us. We can’t rely on politicians to fix things for us. So we’re through playing nice. We’re done begging for attention. We’re bypassing the media and coming direct to you.

We can solve our problems if we work together. We can make things better when all of us try. All we’re asking for is your help. So we can generate a little Feedback.

Welcome to the first call for article submissions for Feedback!

If you already have an idea of what this is all about and want to get started writing, scroll down to our Guidelines section.  And don’t forget to subscribe for the weekly release if you haven’t done so already.  Just send an email to feedback.news.report{at}gmail.com with “subscribe” in the subject line.

If this is all new to you, or you just feel like refreshing your memory, start from the beginning and work your way through.  It’s not as long as it looks.  You can also check out our latest issue online.

Updated: A Dying Child’s Last Wish

This is a plea for signatures to help a young girl, Jayci Yaeger see her father for the last time before she dies of brain cancer.  Jayci’s father, Jason Charles Yaeger, is incarcerated in a South Dakota prison just three and half hours drive from his daughter.  He is scheduled to be released from prison in August.

Quote from ABC News:

He (Mr. Yaeger) has pleaded repeatedly with prison officials to honor the bureau’s apparent policy of allowing furloughs and transfers under “extraordinary” circumstances, but has been rebuffed time and again

And prison officials released a statement (pdf) saying:

Late Thursday, after abcnews.com published this story, the Bureau of Prisons released a statement saying that officials there “have reviewed inmate Yaeger’s request for a compassionate release and have determined his situation does not meet the criteria…”

If an inmates daughter’s dying does not constitute “extraordinary circumstances” then what does?

To sign the petition, CLICK HERE, there were only about 420 signatures when I signed and their goal is to get 100,000  so we need to get many, many more…QUICKLY!

This little girls life is coming to an end very soon.  Please help Jayci see her father.

Please send the petition on to friends, family or even your entire e-mail list.  

Let’s get this done!!!

Tin Foil Theater: May Day! May Day!

I love it when a plan comes together, especially when its some real A-Team geopolitical jive. While I don’t believe this will happen, the mere fact that it is plausible should make any citizen, left or right of the aisle, question their faith in the imperial executive. I give you the May Day Conspiracy:

I’M WRITING THIS DIARY UNDER VERY HEAVY SNIPER FIRE!!!

YOU’LL HAVE TO EXCUSE THE ALL CAPS, BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY I

CAN BE READ WITH ALL THIS HORRIBLE SNIPER FIRE AROUND ME!

THE SHOOTING IS SO TERRIBLE THAT THE CHOPIN PLAYING ON MY

IPOD HERE HAS SKIPPED TWICE!! YOU KNOW DEATH CAN’T BE FAR

OFF WHEN THE MINUTE WALTZ GETS ALL SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP LIKE THIS!!!

Timing the Olympic Dragon, by Gabriel Lafitte

Published by request, bd

Gabriel Lafitte  glafitte@aanet.com.au is a development policy consultant to the Environment & Development Desk of the Tibetan government in exile based in India. In 1999 he was asked by Tibetans to assess a World Bank project in Tibetan areas of Qinghai province, that proposed alleviating poverty by sending tens of thousands of nonTibetans settles to displace Tibetan nomads. While at the World Bank site he was detained and interrogated by China’s state security force for a week, then deported. He recently returned to China to present a plan to a state-sponsored conference on poverty, for improving Tibetan livelihoods by interbreeding Australian carpet wool sheep. Gabriel contributed to two reports just published, which explain the roots of Tibetan discontent:

www.tibet.net/en/diir/pubs/edi/tib2007/content.html

www.savetibet.org/documents/document.php?id=245    

Saturn’s Season: The Politics of Eating Your Own

Crossposted from The Wild Wild Left and to Station Charon and My Left Wing

You would have thought by now we may have figured out that Saturn’s strategy just might be a flawed one.

I guess it all depends on what one defines as their own.

Dalai Lama Renews Calls For Nonviolence While Protests Continue

From The Hindu:

“I have always made it clear that the expression of deep emotion should be in control. If it is out of control, we have no option. If the violent demonstration will continue, I would resign,” he told reporters here.

Disturbed by violent protests by Tibetans in various places, he asked the demonstrators to refrain from doing any harm to the Chinese people.

“I have always respected the Chinese people… Chinese communism. Even most of the Tibetan protesters are ideologically Communists. I think inside or outside China, if the demonstrators utilise violent methods, I am totally against it,” the Dalai Lama further said.

link: http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/…

Pony Party,

Please consider reading and rating this Yahoo!News story

I know it’s early in the morning, and I know I usually fill the morning pony with something less depressing….but it is things like this that get overlooked in all of the other disconcerting (to say the least) news on the treatment of ‘the troops’….and in discussions of immigration, and the ‘path’ to citizenship…

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