Being social…..

Writing is complicated for me, blogging is a disaster.  I’m very socially adept in person and actually quite outgoing when I feel like it.  People usually seem to like me despite my severely antisocial tendencies and sarcastic speech impediment….but online I’m shy, avoidant, and unsure of myself.  From reading people’s comments it seems it’s usually the other way around.  Most interact online more boldly and open than they would in person.  I guess I just happen to fall on the opposite side of things.  I’m not really concerned about how I’m perceived in person for a multitude of reasons…but for one, there is no record of myself floating around (well…) and no one I’ve known has time stamped transcripts of every conversation I’ve ever held with them….not to mention the silent audience…the whole idea quite frankly makes me uncomfortable and paranoid.

I think my main problem with interacting online though is the lack of body language.  In person I can usually read people like a book (ha! like a book…) and I think there is much to be said about intuition and general feelings or ‘vibes’ you can only get from being physically near someone.  Especially in the back and forth of conversation.

Personally I feel more comfortable online with the people I have physically met than with those I haven’t.  I think it changes the dynamic and it also changes how you perceive their thoughts.  I have no worries of anyone I’ve met in person misinterpreting something I’ve written because they know where I am coming from.  And vice versa.  I interpret the writing of people I’ve met much differently than those I haven’t.

With social interactions online I’m stuck with only words and how I personally perceive those specific words in my head.  Without the context of body language I have a really hard time understanding what someone intends behind their statements and the nuances of the subtexts.  I guess that’s where the writing skills come in, especially as far as commenting.  You need to choose very specific words that from every angle can still be seen the same way by every person (or more specifically by your intended audience, or better yet both).  I’m terrible at that on the fly and really hate to be misunderstood….I also think that many people come off online as archetypes of themselves and it can be easy to pigeonhole someone into a certain personality type.  I think it has something to do with how deep everyone who writes is delving into their psyche to express what they’re thinking.  It’s difficult to expose and everyone has their bizarre mental ticks that can only be exasperated when you’re communicating on this level.  

It’s not that I’ve been surprised or disappointed when I’ve met someone in real life that I’ve personified in my head, but it’s definitely not the same.  And actually Ria’s last essay I think illustrates my point exactly [I can’t even get into the last WITR…holy crap Ria!].  In my head everyone here is a character based on my wild imagination and personal mental associations.  Obviously we are not that in person.  At least for realities sake I sure as hell hope not.

Online I’m a lurker at heart (In person I guess its called voyeurism :p)   Most of what I end up writing is just a mental indulgence I allow myself to keep my head from wondering aimlessly while I try to sort out the messes in my life without resorting to self destruction to pass the time.  I keep posting them because…well…it’s nice to know I’m not the only one!  I tend not to comment much for the reasons I stated previously, or because it’s already been said more eloquently by someone else, or because my head is so tired from whatever I wrote that I’ve used up all my witty and thoughtful words for the day.  So I end up showing up once a week or so and posting something intensely personal and then not saying much afterwards….I’m not sure if that’s rude, but I haven’t been shunned yet, so I’m assuming it’s acceptable.

I guess I’m also looking at this from a really weird perspective.  I went about the whole blogging thing totally backwards…[well I also think I’m doing my whole life backwards…but that’s another beast]….I met many of the people I know online in person protesting before I ‘met’ them online.  It’s a really strange bridge to gap and I know for myself when the internet was first coming around the warnings and fears instilled about trusting predators online out to kill you were very persistent.  There is of course reason behind that, but so is fearing your physical neighbor.  It’s a fear that’s causing an exaggerated dismantling of community on both sides of the equation…  

I’m also of the mindset that many of the people who write here have ideas that are incredibly important and I think conversations between groups of thinkers can only do the world good.  I originally started this whole blogging thing because I thought the people writing on sites like this were going to be the ones to make the real changes in the world.  [I gave up on politicians years ago]  I really like this site specifically because I think the people that have gravitated to writing here have some of the most interesting perspectives I’ve come across and the biggest hearts of any people I’ve met or ‘met’.  

I’m not quite sure where I am going with all this…as usual.  But to find a point, I’m excited to see everyone in Boston on Saturday!  And I think for those of you who find comfort in the online community, this is a nudge to let you know you can also find support from the same people in your real life too.  Turns out we’re average people (well….) working towards the same goal in a very strange time…. The rules seem to be fairly flexible…so I say bend them when you can!

And on a side note…for you Bostonians…I’ll be a resident by the end of the month…just signed my apartment away this morning!  I’m personally always up for meeting new people, so if you ever find yourself in town give me a ring a ding 🙂