Breaking: Obama & Clinton Drop Out of Race

In a stunning development, both Obama and Clinton have decided to drop out of the race for President. Word from both camps is that Hillary and Obama had a private meeting last night over cocktails. According to an anonymous source, both Clinton and Obama had been nervous about their poll numbers against John McCain. They were sick of fighting with each other, and they wanted the election to be about the issues again. The anonymous source said that both candidates agreed that conceding the election to John Edwards was the right thing to do. We should be expecting a press conference announcing their withdrawals from the race later this afternoon.

more below the fold…..

I was thrilled to hear about the developments. No more bickering between campaigns. No more negative attacks. No more attacks by way of their surrogates. Both Obama and Hillary have decided to take the high road and hand over the nomination to Edwards. The press has been trying to reach the Edwards Campaign all morning, but their spokesman said they were not available for comment.

If things couldn’t get any stranger, when Karl Rove heard the news today that Edwards was going to be the nominee, he fled the country. Rove’s spokesman said that there was no place for him in America if Edwards was President. There have also been reports of Cheney bashing his head into the bathroom wall in the Capitol Building. No one is sure if it’s because Edwards is the nominee, or if another puppy peed on his leg. Apparently, it happens to him regularly.

Update

It’s being reported that Barack Obama had a vodka tonic with a twist and Hillary Clinton had a scotch and soda. More soon…

Update 2

It’s now being confirmed that a puppy did pee on Cheney’s leg. Out of sheer anger, Dick Cheney kicked the puppy numerous times. The Humane Society was called to the scene by an anonymous source and they’ve been searching the Capitol building for Dick. More soon……