Do Children Dream of Phallic Sheep?

Title with apologies to Phillip K. Dick.

All other apologies to ye who further enter, for, beyond possible prurient amusement, there is absolutely no political value to what’s below the fold.

But this is the day of the fool, a role I’ve chosen to play often.

Anyway, consider yourself warned.

So I’ve got these two kids, the eldest of which is my closing-in-on-six-year-old daughter.

Daughter has a PASSION for stuffed animals.

Loves them, collects them, gives them personalities.

So far… everything normal.

Almost-six-year-old daughter goes to school.

School has after hours “enrichment program”.

One of said “enrichment programs” is Cuddly Creation, which is essentially sewing.

In sewing you are allowed to make… stuffed animals.

Great! Kid has a PASSION, school has a program. PASSION meet program!

Still… everything normal.

Well, daughter starts program and though she’s not overly into the “sewing” part of the sewing enrichment she’s highly anticipatory of the SHEEP she has set out to create.

Every week there are more questions: What color are sheep? How many legs do sheep have? Do we think her sheep should be fat or skinny? Do we think the sheep should have lots of wool or just a little? What color eyes do we think the sheep should have?

She can’t wait to bring the sheep home for her to enjoy and us to experience.

(And now I have to pause and remind you all (and educate a few) of one of the other personal stories I told on the web. The above referenced story centered around my overwhelmed wife unwittingly bringing about a moment wherein my daughter witnessed my son deep throating a… well… its industry term is “The Squirmy Rooter”.

In the comments section of the referenced diary I wondered how and when both children would dredge this moment up and in what way it would seep into their psyches.

Please hold the above in your mind as I return you the tale at hand…)

So, a few days ago my daughter announces its GO TIME with the stuffed sheep.

She’s done and she’s bringing it home with her. She’ thrilled about how it turned out and feels that she’s manifested it exactly as she hoped!

I’m thrilled. Her mother is proud. Her FIRST self-actualized school project.

I drive to school. I arrive at the classroom. I throw open the door to see her smiling face.

It is at this point that she thrusts out an arm and clutched in her excited hand is…

<—– Head

<—– Shaft

><—- Testicles

Sheep, not so much.

My wife and I are currently negotiating a discounted rate for fleet strength therapy.