Healing

Sidebar:(I told Ria the other day how much I understood her essay; I do that without fever… here is a glimpse in her honor.)

Crossposted from The Wild Wild Left

(Or how music takes me from there to here.)

We are all Gods.





don’t be afraid…

dry your eyes

lay it all down

don’t you cry

can’t you see I’m going

where I can see the sun rise?

i’ve been talking to my angel

and he says that

its alright.


Why do you love her?

She is me.

She is more me than me sometimes, she is what I aspire to be.



pretty girl, pretty girl

do you hate her cuz she’s

pieces of you?



I’m not that broken.

At least I don’t think I am.

thenwhatsyourexcusewhatsyourexcuseexcuseexcuse





take a load off annie

take a load for free

and you put the load, put the load

right on me



You were supposed to carry the load because you wanted to.

I did, I do.

But you are angry you did.

No, I’m glad I did. I’m angry she didn’t when I needed it most.





This town thinks i’m crazy

They just think i’m strange

Sometimes they want to own me

Sometimes they wish Id change



You want to be carried too.

Rarely. I carry the world, why can no one I love ever carry me?

You feel robbed. You are so different, how?

I am different. I am a carrier.

You aren’t different, you acted the same way, needy.





..My hands are small i know,

and we are never broken…



Except when you are.

Except when I am.

I loved her broken.

She can’t love me broken.





don’t be afraid

dry your eyes



Yeah, yeah, I know.

Don’t make break into “Whipping Post”….

She didn’t care.

Thats not true.

Broken. Remember? YOU said it.

And whats my excuse?





But I can feel the thunder

Underneath my feet

I sold my soul for freedom

Its lonely but its sweet



If its sweet, why do you still cry? I though you left that little girl behind years ago.

I spent a lifetime as a child being called unworthy and picked to death over every tiny thing, you know I did. The one to Blame. Its like once attacked, people smell it on you, have radar for who to rape next; even intellectually rape. They smell victim.

So, how did you beat it?

I walked away from the abusive family. I RAN.

What did you find?

In time…

that I was worthy, was lovable.





i’ve always had to run

i don’t know just why

desire slowly smoking

under the midwest sky



So now what?

I have to unlearn victim-hood again, dammit, AGAIN!

Maybe she hasn’t unlearned it the first time.

But she is me, almost.

We were supposed to protect eachother.

shehasn’tthetoolshasn’thetoolsthetoolsthetools.





theres something waiting out there

that says i’ve got to try

i’ve been talking to my angel

and he said that its alright



There are no Angels.

I know.

Who is it?

It’s just me.





my hands are small, i know,

but they’re not yours they are my own

and I am never broken

we are never broken

we are God’s eyes

God’s hands

God’s mind

We are God’s eyes



So do you love her or hate her?

Yes.

Thats because neither of you love yourselves right now.

Yeah. I know that.

Do you love you or hate you?

Yeah, yeah I get it.





who will save your soul?

if you won’t save your own?



So you couldn’t save your Mother.

Lets not go there, I thought you wanted the crying to be done. I tried so hard to save her.

You were a kid, she should have been saving you from her.

I know, I forgave that long ago.

Why did you forgive her?

Someone broke her, too. Someone broke her first.

WELL?

Ok, I get it, I know.

Not just about forgiving her, dumbass, its about you forgiving yourself.

Someone broke you too.

But I learned to be Unbroken.





Mothers tell your children

Be quick you must be strong

Life is full of wonder

Love is never wrong

Remember how they taught you

How much of it was fear

Refuse to hand it down

The legacy stops here

Oh my child…



It always comes back to Love. Thats how you become Unbroken.

Yep.

There it is.

Again, what now?

Love us both, and remember my lesson from before:

Away from abusers one heals, sees the ones that DO love them. That and I can’t save anyone, really.

Only myself.

Right on.

Be Well.

4 comments

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    • Diane G on April 9, 2008 at 11:59 pm
      Author
    • RiaD on April 10, 2008 at 4:47 am

    is a wonderful thing!

    great stuff D~

    ♥~

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