learning lessons

All high schools look the same don’t they?  That weird cheap tiling on the floor and cinderblock walls painted industrial beige.  I looked in the trophy case as I passed by, taking notice of years of proud football awards, basketball, plaques, pictures, memorials to accomplishments.  Posters all around.  Some hand made from students advertising upcoming events, a few supplied by companies or public interests.

I turned the corner there and walked into the main entrance, looking up at the staircase and glass entranceway.  He walked around the other corner and met me just like he said he was going to.  It was empty and after classes were over, I guess judging by the lighting sometime in the early evening on a not so special non-seasonal sunny day.  I walked over to him and he held my hand.  We started talking about nothing in particular.  I mentioned I was really glad to see him and he smiled at me, like I always wanted him to.

We headed to that private space underneath the stairwell and sat down on the floor.  I crossed my legs and he sat behind me with his outstretched along side mine, wrapped his arms around me and interlocked our hands.  I leaned my head back and rested it on the dip between his shoulder and neck, just so I could breathe in closer to his skin.  His embrace was warm and I had been waiting for it.  There was so much to say and it felt like we were talking for hours.  When the light was heading out I noticed we were wrapped in a blanket that looked just like the one my mom had knit me… I had never seen this school before …and I couldn’t help but cry.  I told him that I loved him and he said he loved me back.  [I thought you were?] you’re dead though.  Yeah, I know.  So [this isn’t?] none of this is real is it?  No, it’s not.  My chest felt heavy, but I decided to stay there anyways.  Wrapped in my blanket with my friend holding me.  It didn’t feel the same anymore.  I miss you so much.  Are you happy?  Were you ok?  I’m not sure if he answered, but his face was there and I remember he looked peaceful when he first turned the corner.  It had all felt so right, I just wanted to tell him the things I never had a chance to.

When we finally stood up I took his hands again and looked at him.  I could feel the tears welling up.  He smiled at me like I had always wanted him to and our fingers slid apart as he started walking back towards the hallway.  I stood there with the blanket beside my feet and watched him go.  It was light outside again and I woke up.  I’ve never dreamed of him again since then.  Maybe it makes my mind feel better thinking that I saw him one last time.  

Sometimes death is so sudden and you don’t always have a lifetime to say what you want to….

…seems like such a simple lesson.