Republican VP Contenders – Get to know the Enemy – Part 1

I thought it might be fun and informative to get to know the people behind the names being floated about in the media regarding John McCain’s possible running mates in this year’s Presidential Election.

We know how that guy from Taco Bell became the running mate of George W. Bush.  Old Fourthmeal himself chose himself out of all the Neo-Cons on the planet, and….      

What?  It’s not Fourthmeal?  It’s fourth BRANCH??!? But, I thought it was all those refried beans from Taco Bell that made this administration so full of….What?  OK, OK!

We know how that guy from Halliburton became the running mate of George W. Bush.  Old FourthBRANCH (I hope you’re happy now) himself chose himself out of all the Neo-Cons on the planet, and became the VP from Transylvania.

While I don’t give John McCain high rankings on being the brighest bulb in the string of Christmas Lights, I still don’t think he is dumb enough to ask Vlad Cheney to assist this time.

Therefore, WE will assist Mr. McCain in his quest to find just the perfect combination of “right-wing-crazy” and “young enough to be his grandchild” Candidate for VP!

Come along and give me a hand with this one.

Well, now that Senator McCain has nailed down the presumptive Republican Nomination for President of the Unites States of America, we need to consider whom he might be vetting for the position of Vice President of said States of America.

Here in Part 1, we are going to discuss who those “candidates” might be, and give a little insight into why McCain might want to hook up with them on the Republican ticket.

Let’s get started.

The Criterion

o  The “candidate” should be, as Elmer Fudd would say, “Vewy, vewy Konservative.”  The Maverick™ is known as a centrist in the Neo-Con world and will need someone even more interested in Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bombing Iran than even he himself is.  This is a must!

o  The “candidate” should be YOUNG.  Considering his likely opponent, Barack Obama is hypothetically young enough to be his Grandchild, McSame will need the youth factor to weigh in here.

o  The “candidate” should be an outsider.  Another Washington inside-the-beltway fixture would not work well for many reasons.  One of which is that McCain has been a Washington Insider for half of forever, even though he attempts to portray himself as an outsider.

The “Candidates”

Condi Rice – For me, this one is too much of an Washington insider and also has done a particularly terrible job of being head of the State Department.  (But, I’m not a Republican, so I could be wrong).  

Joe Lieberman – Too old, too Liberal (HA!) too much from a State that Republicans won’t win anyway and looks too much like Deputy Dog for most Republicans.

Tom Coburn – The Senator from Oklahoma is a super Konservative!  Still, how many electoral votes does Oklahoma have?  Not to mention, Texans and Oklahomans don’t get along very well, due to Texans always telling people that Oklahoma is just a suburb of Texas anyway.  Republicans need to carry Texas if they want to win.

John Thune – A Republican HERO for his ability to finally take out then Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle in the 2004 South Dakota election.  Quite konservative.  Hmmmmm…..  South Dakota isn’t exactly an electoral vote panacea either, but did I mention that Senator Thune is a HERO for his ability to finally take out then Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle in the 2004 South Dakota election.?

Marsha Palin – This Tennessee Republican is much younger than McCain, much more attractive than McCain and quite a bit more female than McCain, which could attract the womens vote.  She also backed Mittens Romney originally, so that could be a problem for the HotHeaded One.

Tim Pawlenty – Minnesota’s Governor certainly is no Washington insider, and he has been quite the hard liner on immigration, an issue that Republicans don’t quite trust McSame on.  

Kay Bailey Hutchinson – Not particularly young, but certainly not old and has good name recognition.  Konservative voting record is pretty depressing (from my point of view).  Republican like her voting record.

Jim DeMint – Extremely far right ideology, Iraq war top cheerleader, want’s to round up all illegal’s and deport them and is from the South.  

Dishonorable Mention

Mitt Romney

Rudy Giuliani

Mike Huckabee

Tom Ridge

Charlie Crist (Gov. FL)

Colin Powell

Mark Sanford (Gov. SC)

Duncan Hunter (Rep. CA)

So, there you have it.  My list of “candidates” for John McCain’s inspection, and your inspection as well.

Let’s have some fun with this.  In the comments, please help me with your quick bio of any of the above mentioned “candidates” or “dishonorable mentions” or even any persons you feel I may have overlooked.

Remember Dick Cheney, and during your hunt for this candidate, don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes!  

x-posted at eenrblog