When I referenced the Hindenburg…

…I was talking about the first twenty one minutes of the flight, not the part when it was set aflame and thirty-two people were burnt to a crisp.

I’m really, truly and wholeheartedly sorry if you were too stupid to figure that out and were somehow offended by what I clearly wasn’t actually saying.

Also… when I casually spoke of Abraham Lincoln’s assassination I was talking about how much I would have loved to see Laura Keene’s performance in Our American Cousin, not the fact that the President of the United states was shot in the head and died.

I think about Laura Keen and Our American Cousin almost daily.

She was never better than that night.

I’m sorry… and sad… that wasn’t apparent to someone like you.

And when I brought up the Bay of Pigs, its wasn’t to invoke the image of one of America’s greatest political disasters, but instead because I just love those porcine fuckers so much.

It was OBVIOUSLY about pigs and nothing more.

I’m so sorry you are a pinhead and missed that somehow.

Additionally my choice to talk about Pearl Harbor was not to invoke the harrowing imagery of a foreign power bombing America, but because Pearl Harbor is in Hawaii and my wife and I took a trip to Hawaii and while we LOVED it, we weren’t so much into the poi.

That’s why I had that look on my face when I said “Pearl Harbor”.

The POI not the war.

I’m sorry if you are a simpleton and couldn’t keep up.

And I don’t mention September 11th to try and terrify you into voting for me or to stir up hatred in Muslims or to justify a position I may have had on the Iraq War, but because September is my favorite month and 11 is my lucky number.

I always play 11 in the lottery. And sometimes 22, which is double 11.

If you KNEW me, that would be obvious.

I’m truly sorry you don’t know me.

Glad we could clear that all up!