Your Accu-Blog Five Day Weather Forecast!

Morning Dharmenizens, Skip Sunshine here with the weather for the week…

Monday morning expect a 70% chance of “early work avoidance” with scattered “excited publishing of diaries written over the weekend” and, out west, a trace of “surreal typo-laden rantings of a sleepless writer whose daughter has taken his spot in the bed.”

By mid-day we’ll see heavy doses of “angry reaction to some crap the President said” with highs of “new superdelegates” and lows ranging from “revelations about the war” to “recently discovered abuses of the American Constitution.”

This evening were looking at mostly “prediction threads” with pockets of “hand-wringing and molar gnashing about upcoming primaries” and some “pony parties”, followed by a 93% chance of overnight “ek hornbeck.”

As you can see by the radar image, in the south on Tuesday morning the National Weather Bureau has issued a “why the fuck won’t they vote for the black guy” warning, while in the northeast we’re predicting “Prius-driving recyclers fretting about whether the vegetable-based ink they used to address their ballot was dark enough for the post-person to read.”

Tuesday evening will be dominated with mixed “poll results”, turning inclement with the likely late arrival of a “why isn’t this fucking over” nor’easter as well as strong patches of “somebody’s got to get Hillary Clinton to drop out.”

In the mountains on Wednesday look for exceedingly high-levels of “what Barack Obama MUST do immediately” while the low-lying areas try to dig out from “unpleasant flames directed at fellow bloggers in drunken fits of anger” as well as some possible patchy outbreaks of “monosyllabic troll from Little Green Toe Cheese.”

Thursday will be dominated by a relentless string of “unbelievably geeky but incredibly smart analysis of block-by-block voting trends in Puerto Rico” along with dense “meta”, record setting levels of “hostility toward John Sidney McCain.”

Look for a slight lull after lunch on Thursday as some areas are hit with a torrent of “how is it possible that I’ve not actually done anything other than blog this week.”

Finally, on Friday, morning “mojo storms” will be followed by patches of “actual citizen journalism,” along with more widespread, “bug-eyed, slack-jawed stares,” as most are hit by with a wave of “realization that the general election is still months away.”

Friday evening shows a “100% chance of leaving work early” as well as “uncomfortable conversation with super-hot co-worker with mostly-hidden lower-back tattoo while riding the elevator down to the parking lot.” So… don’t forget to wear your rubbers!