Welcome to Derrie-Air, the world’s only carbon-neutral luxury airline, where you don’t have to choose between living the high life and saving the planet. Nine out of ten scientists agree-we need to reduce our carbon emissions or perish from the face of the earth. Air travel is one of the biggest sources of carbon emissions and global warming. Derrie-Air will be the only airline that plants trees to offset every pound of carbon that our planes release into the atmosphere.
The more you weigh, the more you’ll pay.
But not only will we do our part to protect the environment, we will expect you, our passengers, to do your part as well. The magic comes from our one of a kind “Sliding Scale”
How much will your tickets be?It depends on how much you and your luggage weigh. These masses will be combined and then turned into a price with our “Sliding Scale”. If you and your luggage have a combined weight of less than 200 pounds, the cost savings is considerable-as high as sixty percent for domestic flights!
11 comments
Skip to comment form
. . . some of the people I have over the past couple of months, and past few years, you’d applaud such a thing.
I’m sorry, but when I pay (through the nose) for a ticket, it frosts me a little to have the person next to me taking up their seat, and 1/3 of mine. Thing is, this is only Americans. I’ve flown to and throughout Asia over the past many years and never have that problem with any Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Malaysian, Indonesian, Thai, Indian . . .
Just sayin’.
Mu . . .
Zwoof essay, Zwoof. It soars above above the rest.
Author
Last year when the wife flew to America, she was seated between a very large African guy and a Chinese guy. The big dude smelled so bad that the Chinese guy asked to be reseated. There were no other seats. The African understood enough Chinese to know that the other guy was complaining about his aroma and got very upset, saying it was a “man’s smell.’ They started pushing and shoving (in flight) and an air marshal had to settle it. After things calmed down, the Chinese guy took off his shoes and started fanning his toe funk toward the African. Luckily, an older gentleman offered JWoof his seat and she survived until she changed planes at Narita.
Maybe you know this, but I didn’t. Seems that there’s a thing called a “seat belt extender.” If the seatbelt isn’t long enough to go all the way around a passenger, there’s this additional belt that gets inserted to make it big enough.
How did I learn this? Stop reading here if you can. I was crammed into a rear window seat in a commuter jet (one of those ones that are 2 seats on each side of the aisle). Along comes the passenger for the aisle seat. She was really gigantic. She asked the flight attendant for the “seat belt extender” and then tried to lift up the arm rest. Hah! Fortunately for me, it would not lift. This was enough, in itself, to re-affirm my faith in goddess. The passenger squeezed herself into the seat anyway, flowing over the armrest. Her arms wider around than my legs.
I was astonished. For the next hour and a half I couldn’t even complain.