Jun 27 2008

“No time like the present to attack Iran”

No time like the present to attack Iran

Of all the nations America has arbitrarily decided are evil, the worst is Iran, an oppressive theocracy that sponsors international terror, but doesn’t pretend to be friends with us and give us oil. Obviously they must be destroyed, but we’re running out of time to do so. Experts agree we must attack by January, or it’ll be too late. If we wait any longer, we run the risk of no longer having a president who’s crazy enough to do it.

We must bomb Iran, as payback for the Iranian hostage crisis, a despicable act that happened before I was born. Those hostages were taken in retaliation for the America-backed coup that occurred when my dad was a baby. So you see the startling immediacy of the conflict. The problem is the only possibly attackable thing Iran’s president has done lately is say a lot of crazy stuff. And though our own president has shown it’s a short leap between saying crazy stuff and blowing things up, Iran hasn’t yet made the jump.

It wouldn’t be an issue if we knew either presidential candidate would follow through on making Iran not exist anymore. But sadly that’s not the case. Barack Obama’s more likely to do something boring like diplomacy. Maybe he’ll get mad and drop the F-bomb, but that’ll do little damage to the nation’s infrastructure. As for McCain, he says he’d attack, but he’s said so many different things that you can’t take him at face value. Also, he’s an old man, so he’ll probably forget about it and take a nap.

Iran poses a real danger  – the danger that if we don’t bomb them soon America will suffer devastating impatience and loss of interest. There’s only one way to avert such calamity. For years, the president’s hinted he wants to do this. I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually meant to invade Iran in 2003, but hit Iraq accidentally because they’re right next to each other. It’s an easy mistake to make. Let’s let him finally declare war on the right guys. After all, nobody’s better at starting wars than him. Sure, he’s bad at actually winning those wars, but he’ll be out of office by the time things get that far. We’ve got to take advantage of this limited window of opportunity before it gets shut by a president who listens to reason.



Elliott Kalan is a producer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.”

8 comments

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    • Edger on June 27, 2008 at 18:37
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    And have faith. He knows what he’s doing, even if the rest of us are too fucking dumb to understand.

    Yet another Mideast war?

    Aijaz Z. Syed, Arab News, Friday 27 June 2008

    Common sense tells you that at a time when the US is already neck-deep in two disastrous wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, it is not likely to open another front in Iran. Especially when it’s doing so miserably on both fronts. And particularly when the US economy and the world economy are in such a mess and oil prices are shooting sky-high. Besides, there are less than six months before this born-again president leaves the White House.

    This is why the idea of an attack on Iran seems so utterly absurd and downright stupid. This is totally illegal too. Because, according to nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, to which Iran is a signatory, every signatory state has a right to peaceful nuclear power. And uranium enrichment is part of this right. Which is why even these sanctions – three rounds of them – that the EU and US have imposed on Tehran are illegal too. These sanctions have been inflicted on Iran despite the fact that it has taken every step of its nuclear program under the watchful eyes and cameras of the IAEA. And now Israel and its friends in the West are threatening to attack Iran even though IAEA’s El-Baradei insists that its nuclear program is NOT “a current, grave and urgent danger.”

    why even America’s own National Intelligence Estimate in December last year categorically concluded that Iran is NOT developing nuclear weapons and that even if Tehran were seeking nukes, it would take it at least 10 years to develop them!

    But then this cowboy president has seldom allowed facts and common sense to interfere with his neocon agenda. And in case we all forgot, in 2003 the US invasion of Saddam’s Iraq too appeared so improbable. Editorial pundits and think tank wonks assured us then that a war on Iraq was not possible because the US was already fighting a bad war in Afghanistan.

    Notwithstanding their relations with the US, the Gulf Arab states are understandably worried about the coming war against Iran. After all, they have so much at stake. There are hundreds of billons of dollars in investments across the region – from the UAE to Qatar to Kuwait and Bahrain.

    Bandar Abbas, the all-important Iranian port, is only a stone’s throw away from where we are. The Bushehr nuclear power plant – currently at the heart of Iran’s standoff with the West – strategically located as it is close to the Gulf is not far from Dubai and many booming Gulf capitals and cities. The consequences of an attack on the Bushehr atomic plant or other strategic installations wouldn’t be limited to Iran; they would be felt by America’s friends and allies in the region.

  2. for trading oil in Euros.

    Even if I can’t find it now(cause I’m at work) I did so enjoy Mark Dice interviewing average Americans on the street.  They pointed to Austrialia and said we should invade Iran next.

    Still on for August, far a I know.

    • Alma on June 27, 2008 at 20:14
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    Thanks for putting Bush/Co in their true perspective.  ðŸ˜‰

    • geomoo on June 28, 2008 at 02:41
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    Lefty:  “It’s pretty quiet out there.”

    Slim:  “Yeah.  Too quiet.”

    “Reasoning” something like this:  they’ll never expect us to do it with our debt skyrocketing, our military over-extended in Iraq, the tide turning against us in Afhanistan, serious trouble brewing in Pakistan, a majority of the country against the occupation of Iraq, and our reputation in the world community at a low point.  No one would we expect us to be that stupid.  This is the perfect time to attack.

    Ah, the miracles of the paranoid mind.

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