Ask Dick Cheney

Dear Vice President Cheney,

  Now that your term of power is nearing its “official” end (he he), which accomplishment makes you prouder:  the nearly complete dismantling of constitutional democracy or bringing torture back into mainstream acceptance?

                                                            Complete Idiot

Dear Complete Idiot,

   One hand rubs the other, he he.  And gleefully, too.  On one hand, torture terrifies people and makes them eager to give up their power.  On the other hand, committing torture with impunity requires weaseling out of hundreds of years of western jurisprudence.  I’m going to say it’s a toss-up, although on a personal level, of course, torture is a lot more fun.

Dear Vice President Cheney,

   At what point in your presidency did it become obvious to you that were going to get away with doing anything you wanted without regard to the constitution, your “opponents” in Congress, or basic human decency?

                                                            Clueless in Seattle

Dear Clueless,

    Naturally, I know a lot more than you.  Let’s just say it was clear you were fucked when they let Nixon walk. I turned to Rumsfield one day and said, “Next time, we’ll just ignore them.”  We still laugh about that.

                                                       

Dear Vice President Cheney,

    How do you think history will judge your reign, uh, term of office?

                                                         Eager to Talk to Famous People

Dear Eager,

    If you’re talking about my grandsons or any of his friends, unless they’re fools they’ll be even richer than I am, given the financial and political structure we’ve created.  How the hell do you think they’ll judge us.  If you’re talking about the pablum fed those suckers in public school, do I look like I give a shit?

Dear Vice President Cheney,

    What has been more personally satisfying to you, the unfettered exercise of ruthless power or the amassing of an obscene amount of wealth?

                                                       Thinks Rich People are Interesting

Dear Thinks,

    Again, I have to say I always take the overview.  Without the great wealth, I would have never been able to build my bunker which made me feel safe enough to makes enemies of most of the world, while without the power, I would never have been able to transfer so much public money into my coffers.  Just between you and me, I’ve never actually been very good at running anything constructively.  That’s what makes it all so funny, looking back.

Dear Vice President Cheney,

    This is a personal question, if you don’t mind.  It is well known that you have many hobbies, almost all of which involve killing or injuring living things.  Which would you consider a more enjoyable weekend activity, killing thousands of sitting ducks in an enclosed space or shooting a person in the face?

                                                         Mildly Insane Citizen

Dear Mildly,

   He he.  Funny you should ask that.  Most people are aware that I enjoy both activities immensely, and now I may not have to choose between them.  I have worked out a plan for inviting some of our good friends from across the isle to a baby bunny shoot.  Little do they know that a couple of them may be on the side of the bunnies, if you know what I mean.  Ha.  Not that it’s anything personal. Hell, they rolled over every time I told them to.  It’s just that they are such easy marks, of course I’m going to take advantage.