Operator: ‘Computer help desk; may I help you?’
McCain: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
McCain: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
McCain: ‘They disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
McCain: ‘Nothing..’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
McCain: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
McCain: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
McCain: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
McCain: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
McCain: ‘What’s a monitor?
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
McCain: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
McCain: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
McCain: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
McCain: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable..’
McCain: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
McCain: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
McCain: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
McCain: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark??’
McCain: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
‘
Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
McCain: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
McCain: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power……… A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
McCain: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
McCain: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
McCain: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f—ing stupid to own a computer!!’
7 comments
Skip to comment form
Author
…but while I’m here, could you please tell me, “What’s a computer?”