FIFTEEN DAYS!

(noon. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

“FIFTEEN DAYS is an eternity in politics. Anything can happen. So, you’d better stay watching our riveting, moment to moment analysis, because, considering the fact that all of human evolution occurred in under fifteen days (see scientifically vetted chart to the right) it is absolutely possible for John McCain, even with a huge financial disadvantage, to flip Democratic leads in Colorado, Florida, and North Carolina while simultaneously finding ways to salvage Nevada, Ohio, Missouri, Montana and North Dakota.

Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don’t flip to Cinemax…”

“…because, though John McCain has not lead in a single national poll since SEPTEMBER 19th, this is FIFTEEN DAYS people, which, of course, is all it took for Michelangelo to paint the whole right half of the Sistine Chapel. Day one he was like “Dude, I don’t know what to put over there” and day fifteen… GOD HIMSELF!”

“No. No. Look, there’s nothing on HGTV. Really!

I mean… there have been lots of stunning game changers in the last fifteen days, right?

Like when John McCain suspended his campaign before he unsuspended his campaign or when he decided to start talking about William Ayers so he wouldn’t have to talk about the economy, which happened a few days before he stopped (sort of) talking about William Ayers so that he could focus on the economy!

If you had gone to the Home Shopping Network last Wednesday you would have MISSED THE PLUMBER!

That’s why the race has been SO TOPSY CRAZY WACKO WHO IS LEADING NOW!!!”

“Seriously… Eifel Tower? FIFTEEN DAYS!

Egyptian pyramids? Look! Just… LOOK!

So, abandon your family and give up all your hobbies and bite off the ends of your fingers and forget to bathe so that purple fungus grows in your nether regions and IGNORE THAT VOICE INSIDE YOU THAT SAYS THAT YOU CAN BOTH WORK YOUR TUSH OFF AND SIMULTANEOUSLY ENJOY AND CELEBRATE, because if we don’t keep you from believing what your logic mind is telling you than what the fuck are we doing trapped inside this strange, electronic box?