I will cry…

…the moment it is announced that Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States of America.

I will sing and dance and act the fool as the number of Democratic senators rises toward 60 (could we really, actually, possibly get to 60?) and I will pump my fist every single time a bell sings and another Democratic Representative gets his wings.

I will walk onto my front lawn and scream at the moon when Proposition 8 in California, a modern anti-misceganation law for gay men and women, goes down in complete and utter defeat.

I have hundreds upon hundreds of celebrations planned for that night, but…

…as of yesterday, the only possible way that my election night will be complete… the only outcome that will mean that justice is still alive in this here great country of ours… is if the next Congressman from Minnesota’s 6th district, elected to replace the Katherine Harris of the North, Michelle “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or Anti-America” Bachmann, is one Elwyn Tinklenberg.

When Elwyn Tinklenberg is announced the winner I will strip off my clothes and shave off all the hair on my body and do the funky chicken and speak in tongues, quoting only Bruce Springsteen lyrics, and paint one of the cats puce and assault random strangers with acts of great affection and drink alcohol until I throw up everything I will have eaten over the last two weeks and maybe, just maybe, consider having a THIRD CHILD just so I can name him or her Elwyn Tinklenberg.

The announcement will read, we’d like to introduce, Carter Kennedy Ernie Banks Elwyn Tinklenberg Lieber, born healthy and TOTALLY AMERICAN…

Or, maybe, just think 007, folks.

Tinklenberg. Elwyn Tinklenberg.

HERE’S where we continue to give him the funds that will allow him to hand Ms. Bachmann her ticket back to whatever political hovel she skulked out of.

Do it for him.

Do it for me (and I’ll have my wife post video of the celebration).

Do it for… Martin Luther Robert F. Fergeson Jenkins e. e. cummings Elwyn Tinklenberg Lieber.