My Vision For America

( – promoted by buhdydharma )

Gosh darn it, the liberal media elite in this country is really makin’ it hard for me to communicate with the American people I love so much.  They twist my words about the danger of Russians invading Alaska, the dangers of William Ayers, the dangers of rollin’ out the red carpet for me at hockey games, blah, blah, blah.  So today I want to take my Vision For America directly to you, the real American people, without havin’ to worry about my words being made to look stupid.

I envision an America with a much smaller government that doesn’t get in the way of our patriotic spirit.  To cut the size of government, I propose eliminating a bunch of states that aren’t carrying their weight in the ol’ patriotism department.  States like California, New York, Illinois, Massachusetts, and Vermont are no-brainers – they’re out.  This election will be a test for some states that are unsure of their patriotism and they better think REAL HARD about whom to vote for if they want to remain in this great country of ours.  I’m watching you, Pennsylvania!  Also Virginia, Nevada, Michigan, New Hampshire, Colorado, Iowa, North Carolina, Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Indiana, Missouri, Wisconsin, North Dakota, and Montana.

I envision an America free from that awful socialism that the Democrat party keeps tryin’ to force down our throats.  They want to redistribute the hard-earned inheritances of patriotic Americans by giving it to illegal aliens and welfare queens.  This is not the American way!  This country was built by all those hard-working folks who have lived here all along, NOT by a bunch of foreigners who just came here and immediately put their hands out cashin’ in on a big government giveaway.  And it isn’t fair to reward poor people that just aren’t tryin’ hard enough!  Go apply for one of those jobs that only Mexicans will do.  That will get poor people off welfare and eliminate the need for Mexicans.  It’s a win-win situation!

Oh, and that reminds me – I envision an America surrounded by giant border walls.  And not just our southern border for the reasons I mentioned earlier.  As governor of Alaska, I saw first-hand the need to protect ourselves from Canadians sneakin’ across the open border to steal our freedoms.  I saw a show once on the History Channel about this wall they built in Berlin.  Once they got that wall up, West Berlin thrived by keeping all the riff-raff over in East Berlin.  It worked perfectly!  But later they tore it down, and can you guess what happened?  That’s right:  SOCIALISM!!!  It swept over Germany like a plague of too many polar bears.  It just goes to show ya that walls work.  Now I know that building walls can be very expensive.  So I propose we subcontract the job to China.  They have a lot of experience with big walls.  And you don’t want to give the job to someone who isn’t ready for wall-building on Day One.

I envision an America where our wonderful military is allowed to pursue our enemies to the gates of hell.  The key to this is cutting taxes.  Liberals just don’t get how cuttin’ taxes can actually stimulate our military activity and their patriotic aggression against our enemies.  When small businesses are allowed to keep more of their own money, they invest in building more tanks, fighter jets, aircraft carriers, and those really cool smart bombs.  Then the military uses up the vast stockpile of weapons, creating a need to make more, and small businesses like Joe the Plumber then have to hire more people.  See how it feeds on itself?  Is that brilliant or what?    

I envision an America free from the dangers of witches.  Even though God’s Christian people are livin’ their lives in peaceful prosperity, they face constant threats from witches.  And Muslims.  And Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Druids, and especially atheists.  When God speaks to us we need to listen!  For example, I heard His loving message of abstinence-only education and now I’m out there spreadin’ His word.  Our Christian values are going to sustain us through these difficult economic times, which I believe were brought on by witches.  Witches and Democrats.  But not necessarily in that order.  

Thanks America, for lettin’ me speak to ya without the filter of the liberal media gettin’ in the way!  I just know deep in my heart that once you’ve had a chance to really think about my words, you’re going to rush to the polls and do the right thing on Election Day.  Your vote (as long as it’s for Republicans) is your precious gift to the country that some of us love so much.