A Modest Proposal.

(10 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

Joseph Smith

In response to the ever-reasonable Proposition 8 in California, which restored TRADITIONAL marriage as it has been defined for thousands of years (and was mostly funded by the Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints), I hereby call upon the gay community to promote the equally reasonable and Jesusesque “Proposition P”, which would restore TRADITIONAL prophets, as THEY have been defined for thousands of years.

Proposition P, or The Defense of Religious Leaders Who Did Not Wear Magical Underwear, would change the California constitution so that only prophets identified BEFORE 1820 would be recognized.

Once Proposition P is law, any non-traditional prophets say one that claimed that they could find gold by putting stones in a white stovepipe hat or who, for years, promoted the practice of polygamy, would be devalued as second-class and the believers in these modern and substandard prophets would not be allowed to claim that their values was as valid as those of us who believe in, like, totally REAL God.

Look, I’m NOT trying to make these immoral, shameful and clearly substandard new believers feel badly about themselves, its just that TRADITION dictates one homogeneous world-view and I’m worried what it says about MY prophet if any paranoid, self-interested, outcast in Pennsylvania can wander into the woods and claim to have heard the word of God.

And then there’s the children?

What will happen to the little one’s blind adherence to my totally random, but much OLDER belief system, if they are forced to consider someone else’s totally random but very RECENT system of morality via fear and invented bogeymen?

Can we really take the chance that some “teacher” pushing an “agenda” of “tolerance” might suggest these “other prophets” are anything more than amoral puss sacks?

No! TRADITIONAL PROPHETS are the way it has always been done… always being defined as at least a couple thousand years, before which we had the PRE-TRADITIONAL Gods and Prophets Like Zeus and Vishnu, who we should also probably get around to outlawing and belittling at some point.

Look, if none of the above is compelling, consider this:

We must pass Proposition P, The Defense of Prophets Act, if for no other reason than to ensure that gay people, who have existed since the beginning of humanity, won’t find themselves being bullied by a religion which postdates, say, penicillin.

Proposition P: because every hateful acts of spite deserves and equally irrational response.

 

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  1. …the way God likes it.

    • Temmoku on November 6, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    none of this would be necessary….Seems the only “freedom” they believe in is their own and not in anyone else’s.

    I guess everything has to be spelled out exactly for the mentally and morally challenged.

    • RUKind on November 7, 2008 at 11:22 pm

    legal polygamist marriages for people of all sexual and gender identities. Obviously, we’ll have to start this movement in Utah and Northern Arizona. So I suggest an overwhelming influx of new voters and life-stylers into that area.

    When planning your next vacation or second home, forget about P-town, Northhampton, Fire Island, Key West or San Francisco. (I’m sure I’m leaving out a lot of places here.) Got to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, explore Zion and Bryce Canyons. Find some beautiful small towns that can be the next Sedona, Telluride or Taos. Set up an art community, cafes with sidewalk dining, wine bars. Start wearing tye-died magic underwear as a fashion statement – and let it peek out here and there. Paisley would be cool, too. Southwestern-themed madras patterns. Imagine what can be done with just buckles, belts and boots.Then start getting politically organized, take over some smaller town councils. Set up some diversity-safe zones. Get involved in county politics and then congressional. Gain local power. Overwhelm the Mormon fundies.

    For one thing, the real estate values will go up. The hipness factor will explode. Tourism will increase. It’s a win-win situation for the economies of those areas. And it’s truly God’s country.

    Bottomline, if the Mormons don’t want you getting married in California then move to Utah and take over. Make HGLBTQ polygamy legal. We’re all God’s children.

    Otherwise, come on up here to Massachusetts. Gay marriage is old news here and the sun still comes up every day anyway. We can always use more intelligence and creativity.

    Shanti.

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