(Yes, I know. I promised to go away. Well . . . I lied. I am a Republican after all. Deal with it!)
Well, surprise, surprise! Even though I lost the election and would have been perfectly happy to just fade away, the liberal media just can’t let it go. They’re whinin’ about my clothes again even though I already dealt with that. And they’re pickin’ on me again about talkin’ to Sarkozy (also dealt with already).
But now things are gettin’ so ridiculous the Fox News Channel is lyin’ about me too! Gosh darn it, with friends like that who needs Keith Olbermann?
Give me a break! Of course I know that Africa is a continent. In fact, I consider Africa one of my top ten favorite continents! Which is pretty gracious of me considerin’ how many black people live there. And do you really think somebody as adorable as me could ever throw a temper tantrum? That’s just silly. John and I have the same problem — people mistake “maverickness” for “temper” when they don’t like what we’re bein’ mavericky about. But the liberal media loves to put labels on real folks because they don’t understand ’em. Their favorite label for me now is “diva” which just goes to show ya they don’t understand me at all. Would a “diva” shoot wolves from a helicopter? No! But a hockey mom would. And “hockey mom” is a much fairer label for me than Wasilla Hillbillies Looting Nieman Marcus.
I suppose we have to expect some finger-pointin’ after losing such a close race. But it just ain’t fair. I did my part by carryin’ all the western states with predominantly patriotic white people that allow moose hunting and have snow machine races but don’t start with the letter “C”. It was John’s responsibility to carry the states with predominantly right-handed people who thought the economy sucked. So who didn’t pull their weight? I’m still studyin’ the election returns so I can really wrap my brain around what Americans are sayin’. I think they’re sayin’ that “we wanted to vote Republican but the Black Panthers scared us away.” Now I ask you: is that democracy? And more importantly: how will the liberal media blame me for that?
People have another thing comin’ if they expect me to take all the blame. Adorable or not (which I am), I ain’t gonna take this without fightin’ back like the mavericky reformin’ folksy hockey mom that certain parts of America have grown to love. For example, my loyal supporters at RedState.com have initiated Operation Leper on my behalf:
We’re tracking down all the people from the McCain campaign now whispering smears against Governor Palin to Carl Cameron and others. Michelle Malkin has the details.
We intend to constantly remind the base about these people, monitor who they are working for, and, when 2012 rolls around, see which candidates hire them. Naturally then, you’ll see us go to war against those candidates.
It is our expressed intention to make these few people political lepers.
I fully support Operation Leper and encourage all you nice folks at Docudharma to join in! I’m convinced that the way to kick off the next phase of my political career is to declare war on Republican campaign insiders. And if any of you patriotic biological warfare folks out there could get your hands on some weaponized leprosy virus . . . well, I’d make it worth your while to sneak some out of the lab. Don’t worry, I’m good for the money — I’ll just list it on my RNC expense account as “hair care products.”