We Got ‘Em Right Where We Want ‘Em!

(noon. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

It’s gettin’ down to crunch time, America!  And I couldn’t be more pleased about the state of the Palin-McCain ticket as we head into these last few days.  As I proved conclusively earlier, polls show that we are in great position to win this election.  

I’ve been workin’ like the dickens to shore up this misperception that I don’t understand foreign policy too good.  Just the other day I was chattin’ with French President Nicolas Sarkozy about all kinds of things, like which countries we can see from our houses, unfair things the liberal media says about us, our shared love of hunting, the relative hotness of me and his wife . . . well, I’ll just let you listen for yourselves:

See how at ease I am talkin’ with foreign leaders?  It’s no big thing.  I’ve grown so much as a candidate in these last few weeks as I’ve traveled around these wonderful United (swing) States.  Our campaign really turned a corner when I decided the McCain folks were too overprotective, and it was time for me to start goin’ rogue.  They didn’t seem to think I was ready for anything except a crowd of those polite right-wing-base folks.  But I’m not afraid of mixin’ it up a little, so I started doin’ some impromptu interviews and public appearances outside of “the base” among all kinds of Americans.  And ya know what?  Folks just couldn’t be any nicer to me!  Sometimes I even get greeted with chants of “Cari-BOOOOOO!!! Cari-BOOOOOO!!!” just like sports fans do.  Isn’t that the cutest thing ya ever heard?

So I agree with John:  we got ’em right where we want ’em!  Sure, we’re underdogs, but that’s how John and I like it (not “doggy style” as has been reported in the liberal media).  The polls are turnin’ our way.  I’m rapidly closing the credibility gap on foreign policy, as my conversation with Sarkozy clearly demonstrates.  Our message of anti-ObamaBidenism is resonating with the hard-working folks in this great country of ours.  The long lines to vote are sure to discourage black folks from makin’ their voices be heard.  Can ya feel the momentum turnin’ around, America?  It’s like havin’ patriotism injected intravenously through my whole body!

I don’t want to get overconfident or anything, but I’m startin’ to feel there isn’t anything we can’t do.  For example, I know people are skeptical about my claim that we’re gonna balance the budget in our first term.  But it’s a principle I share with all those patriotic Republican administrations before me that balanced the budget.  So read my lipstick, America:  I promise that we’re gonna be just as fiscally responsible as the Bush administration.  And the other Bush administration.  And the Reagan administration.  And Ford, Nixon, Eisenhower, Hoover, … heck, all the way back to Lincoln himself!  What great company I stand to join!  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Palin Memorial right next to the Lincoln Memorial?  Maybe shaped kinda like an igloo?  

I promise that John and I are gonna close strong in these last few days, showin’ the country what a pair of mavericks can do if ya send us to Washington.  Well, you would be sendin’ John back to Washington, because he’s been there since the days of the dinosaur almost 6000 years ago.  But I’ve never been there before, or been hardly anywhere else for that matter, so sendin’ me there would be really mavericky.  You keep blathering on and on about wantin’ change?  Well, put up or shut up, America!  Send me to Washington and just see how things change!  Especially when I start dealin’ with Sarkozy.