(10 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)
Well, that gosh darn liberal media is up to their same ol’ tricks again! I’m tryin’ to do this cute thing about pardonin’ a turkey there in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Good patriotic folks love it when I do that stuff! But can ya trust a liberal elite cameraman to frame the shot to not make me look stupid? Or clueless? Or insensitive? I think we all know the answer to that question.
(Now, I should warn ya that the following video may be disturbing to some viewers because I attempt to speak the English language. Oh, and also some turkeys get killed.)
For those of you with enough sense to not be watchin’ these kinds of videos, let’s just say I’m givin’ a perfectly folksy interview while this guy there in the background is sendin’ some turkeys to meet God in heaven. You know, “circle of life” and all that. There really is no need for anyone to watch it. So don’t.
All you liberal-hippie-PETA-types need to just calm down for a second here. Where do ya think that big turkey dinner comes from on Thanksgiving? Did ya think King Obama just waves his magic wand and perfectly-prepared turkeys just show up there on your table? Get out of your socialist fantasyland! God gave us dominion over the animals that taste good. And He placed us at the top of the food chain for a very good reason. That reason escapes me at the moment, but I’m sure God know’s what He’s doin’.
Plus also the turkeys need to eat too. And they’re just as bloodthirsty as we are, out there in the woods slaughterin’ grass and nuts and stuff to selfishly fatten themselves up. Every tasty morsel in the food chain is one of God’s creatures, don’t ya think? It ain’t like I’m one of those crocodiles ya see on the Discovery Channel tearin’ up some wildebeest that just wanted a drink of water. And yet God loves the vicious crocodile too. Not as much as He loves people of course. He kinda has a slidin’ scale of how much he loves certain creatures, which is how the food chain came about. Oh, that’s the reason I was tryin’ to think of earlier! I knew it would come to me eventually.
I gotta say also that the turkey slaughterin’ guy is kinda creepy. That’s what everyone should be focused on here. I’m just standin’ there totally innocent doin’ my Governor job like a good American. But did ya notice how he keeps lookin’ back and checkin’ me out? Sure it’s a natural reaction with me bein’ so hot and all. But he should keep his perverted thoughts to himself and concentrate on killin’ those turkeys. That machine looks like it could chop parts off a man just as easy as a turkey.
This kind of animal stuff doesn’t bother me at all because I grew up in a loving home filled with guns. In other words, I grew up as A PATRIOT. When kids are exposed to guns and huntin’ and killin’ at an early age they get all desensitized to that stuff. That’s what makes ’em good American leaders when they grow up, unafraid to take on the special interests in Washington tryin’ to take away our freedoms. So get over this turkey thing, America! Would you rather starve next Thursday?