(10:00PM EST – promoted by Nightprowlkitty)
Dear Human Applicant:We are writing to inform you that though we’d like to take steps to save the economy, allowing you to keep a roof over your head and food in your children’s mouths, we’ve been informed that your gardener, Cruz, makes $18 dollars an hour, which far exceeds the pay for gardeners in your human competitor countries like China and South Korea.
Therefore we must insist you inform Cruz that unless he willingly cuts his salary in half and gives up his single family dwelling for housing more consistent with that of your competitors (see above right) we are going to be forced to use your tax refund to fund AIG’s “Mercedes For Millionaires” program.
Additionally, we’ve learned that you have “Child Care” and that you are providing said “Child Care” with something you call “Health-Insurance”.
We are somewhat baffled as to WHY you would provide said “Child Care” with said “Health Insurance” when its well known that many of your Human competitors not only don’t provide their “Child Care” with “Health Insurance” but forgo “Child Care” altogether by choosing not to hold down a job.
We strongly feel that you should rescind this “Health Insurance” scam in order to be stay competitive with Humans all over the world. After all would it be so hard for your “Child Care” to simply “Pray” for better health like has been done by most of humanity for 3000 years?
Further concerns arise around your choice to invest in and adhere to concepts like “workplace safety”, which is at odds with the practice of certain of your foreign based competitors.
For instance we hear that your Offspring (who does not even work) still has all its factory installed limbs, whereas Offspring in competitive countries (unburdened by child labor laws) have successfully existed for tens of years after having arms or legs amputated due to accidents in their place of gainful employment.
Therefore we are going to have to respectfully withhold further assistance until you can prove that you are willing to take the viability steps of removing your smoke detectors, gas shut off valves, as well as the cut-guard on your circular saw.
We do look forward to your submitting a fully-realized (HCRP) Human Competition Restructuring Plan, wherein we’d like you to consider not-educating any penis-challenged of your progeny (many of your competitors just sell them off for a dowry), executing any of your homosexual neighbors (stoning is a popular method) and going without potable water.
Sincerely,
The Republican Party of The United States Of Free Markets*
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…in the concept of free markets.
I’m wondering if these Southern Repug Senators are successful in killing the UAW through bankrupting the Detroit 3, how many pissed off NASCAR fans they’ll create?
You’ll notice that you were not directed to close down your local sewage treatment plant and to by-pass it to deposit waste directly into nearby large and small bodies water, or to close down the part of the local water works that filters drinking water and instead to fill your glasses in the nearest stream. That shows that the Republican Party of The United States Of Free Markets* has your best compettive interest at heart and does support a safety net for you and your family, and that it’s looking out for your best interests.