(11 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)
(*Absolutely NOTHING political lies in the verbs, nouns, adjectives and gerunds that make up this diary. This is purely, hopefully, potentially, a chuckle for chuckles sake.)
So, I’m driving in my car this afternoon (on the way to do a little holiday shopping for my wife) and I’m about to take a left turn onto a major thoroughfare.
Across the street… a car is about to make a right.
But since there are two lanes in the avenue we are joining, I’ll be able to merge into the left lane… the other car the right… allowing us both to do our intended business simultaneously and peacefully.
Or so I THOUGHT…
What actually happens is that I follow my legal route, but instead of hugging the curb, the OTHER CAR decides to FORGO the right lane and head straight for the LEFT LANE… MY LANE… CUTTING ME OFF.
I swerve… the other car veers… I honk… the other driver follows suit… I yell something like, “What are you doing, you asshole!”, while observing my nemesis screaming at me as well.
This is a full scale road rage incident.
And that’s when it happened.
The event that made me REMEMBER something and REALIZE something else.
The event, was a voice from my back seat telling me…
“You know what the thing is about the really fucked drivers? They always in the biggest cars.”
What I REMEMBERED… my 6 year-old daughter Josephine was in the vehicle.
What I REALIZED… my 6 year-old daughter Josephine has CLEARLY been doing a lot of driving with my wife.
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in cars while driving with kids does not stay there. I was driving my 4 year old grandaughter with expired tags and yaking on about dirty coppers and tickets when she climbed out of her seat belt to look out the back window “to look for cops like she does for Daddy when he’s drinking a beer.”
where things like signaling and stopping are considered options?
I offered to let my Mom have my car when she came to visit for the first time while I was working and after seeing the local skill level she declined.
My mother’s road rage expression when I was a kid was ,”up yours with a wire brush,” followed by “never tell your grandmother I say that or you’re grounded.”
I swear, while reading I thought to myself “This guy lives in Maryland also”.
99 percent of “drivers” making a turn onto a multiple lane road will take the lazy way and use two lanes to accomplish the turn. SUV’s especially.
Anyone that has ever driven a commercial vehicle knows how to make a turn that looks more like an “L” than a parentheses.
Other pet peeves:
Science has now identified the smallest measurable unit of time, it is identified as the difference between the light turning green and the Baltimore idiot behind me beeping his damn horn.
While on my motorcycle, I would like to pass a vehicle that intends to turn left by moving to the right side of the lane. However, many drivers seem to turn left by initially going right, making a sort of question mark ? out of the left turn, making the pass maneuver impossible.
Remember the SUV from before? Follow one of them on a twisty road and count how many times the left tires pass over the double yellow line – crossing one yellow line counts for half – crossing both yellow lines and jerking back into the lane while braking to avoid oncoming traffic and almost involving YOU in an accident counts 5 times.
In India the rules of the road require that that the smaller vehicle yields to the larger vehicle, and when you are going to pass or turn a corner, you lean on the horn to signal your intentions. The most important accessory in the car is the horn. Second is the accelerator.
I think these rules should be adopted in New York. It would make for a much more entertaining morning rush hour.