You Might Be An American If

The email that started it.

You might be a Taliban If.

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.  

3. You have more wives than teeth.  

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”  

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.  

6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.  

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.  

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.  

10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat

You Might be an American if.

1. You have 47 electronic ways to communicate but can’t name your next door neighbor.

2. You can watch 300 channels of HD TV but nothing worthwhile is on.

3. You have had more wives than teeth.

4. You funded the third world’s industrial gold rush and given away your technology and now wonder why there are no jobs.

5. You point to Austrailia and say we should invade Iran next.

6. You have a War On Drugs but your TeeVee tells you to ask your doctor for.

7. Both you and your wife work 60 hours(if you still have jobs) to afford your child’s day care.

8. You can follow the logic of, the hijackers came from Saudi Arabia but the pipeline was in Afghanistan.

9. You can’t think of anyone who is not a “Terrorist.”

10. You claim to be the Land of the Free yet have the world’s largest percentage of people in jail.

Nasty, even for me.