Will Any of You Pray With Me?

(11 am. – promoted by ek hornbeck)

I’ve been worryin’ a lot lately about America losin’ it’s traditional values under our socialist President.  Socialism, for those of you who talk about it all the time even though you don’t understand what it means, is the process of ruining the economy by removin’ the traditional role of religion from it.  Obama is tryin’ a whole bunch of voodoo economic policies, and we all know how God feels about voodoo (it barely ranks above bein’ a Muslim).  We’re gettin’ bombarded with lots of talk on how to fix the economy but we seem to be ignorin’ the One Voice we should be listenin’ to.    

The Lord speaks in mysterious ways.  One of these is through the stock market.  The Dow Jones Industrial Average opened at 8279 on Inauguration Day.  After watchin’ Obama destroy the economy for six weeks, God expressed His wrath by drivin’ the Dow all the way down to 6547 on March 9th.  But then God’s chosen people (Republicans) implemented their 3-pronged economic recovery plan:

1.  Appoint Rush Limbaugh as the party’s leader

2.  Organize tea parties around the country

3.  Release our own highly detailed budget proposal

God loves this plan!  He responded by raisin’ the Dow back up to 7924 on Thursday.  It shows a Divine confidence in the resurgin’ conservative philosophy about fixin’ the economy.  Take the tea-baggin’ plan, for instance.  When our Founding Fathers were fightin’ the oppression of British socialism back in colonial times, they gave themselves a big tax cut by dumpin’ that over-taxed tea right into Boston Harbor there.  And those brave tax-cutters won independence for America that very day in 1773.  

Our modern tea-baggin’ parties are meant to reproduce that conservative spirit that freed its citizens (well . . . most of ’em anyway) from the cruel tyranny of their masters.  On April 15th (Tax Day — get it?) a new breed of American patriots plan on dumpin’ their tea into America’s harbors, thereby breakin’ a bunch of those ridiculous environmental laws that liberals love so much, and crushin’ Obama’s plans for world socialism by deprivin’ him of the tax revenues on that tea.  I was a little disappointed about choosin’ April 15th though, because the harbors here in Alaska will still be frozen, and dumpin’ tea out on the ice kinda loses its dramatic effect.  Maybe we’ll bring some turkeys along to give the crowd more of a show.

Now, despite this solid foundation of Republican economic recovery plans, there is clearly somethin’ still holdin’ America back.  I’m talkin’ about a lack of prayer.  Yes, God is all-powerful, but He can’t fix the economy all by Himself.  We need to help God by prayin’ to him, especially when potential Republican primary voters are watchin’ us.  But too many liberal “Americans” make fun of us real Republicans when we pray, which makes the squishy Republicans (or RHINO’s — Republicans Hatin’ Incantations, Not Obama) run away from us true believers.  I was describin’ this very thing while givin’ a speech at an Alaska GOP dinner last week about my debate with Joe Biden:

“So I’m looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra,” she said. “And the McCain campaign, love ’em, you know, they’re a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray.”

(Now, I know some of you are thinkin’ it’s kinda pretentious to be quotin’ myself in my own diary.  What are you gonna do about it — sue me?)

Well, all I could do was pray by myself since none of those RHINO’s would help me.  And thank God that God responded by helpin’ me smite Joe Biden in that debate.  It just goes to show ya that prayer works!  Also prayer has a much better chance of fixin’ our economy than Obama’s plan of spendin’ ourselves back to the Stone Age.  Heck, the earth isn’t old enough to have had a Stone Age anyway!  That’s just something the liberal archeological elites in this country are feedin’ us to distract us from prayin’ like we should be.    

All this got me to thinkin’ that America needs new spiritual inspiration in these troubled times.  Maybe a new “economy prayer” would bring patriotic Americans together in a way that can vanquish this runaway spending that the Washington crowd is shovin’ down our throats.  Let’s see if I can get ya started:

Dear Heavenly Father

We’re beseechin’ Ya for guidance in these troubled economic times

Help us to smite the socialists who are takin’ over our government

Like that time You smote Hadadezer, son of Rehob, who was king of Zobah

You sure showed him who was boss!

Protect us, O Lord, from Barney Frank

Whose lifestyle choices and support for risky mortgages have led us astray

And bless us, O Lord, with Your divine tax cuts on capital gains

Which will help us more well-off patriots weather the economic storm

Please, O Lord, ease the tribulations of the Wall Street bankers

Whose campaign contributions are vital to patriotic politicians

Like the governor of Alaska, for instance

In closing, O Lord, give us a break, will Ya?

We’re tryin’ to keep Your traditional marriages safe

And we’re waterboardin’ Your enemies when the liberals ain’t lookin’

Also we’re doin’ our best to keep the Mexicans out of Your promised land

As You can see, Your patriots on earth kinda have their hands full!

So any help on our 401k’s would really hit the spot right now

Please consider addin’ this to your list of nightly prayers.  Oh, wait . . . I forgot which website I was bloggin’ on . . . please consider sayin’ your nightly prayers for the first time ever!  Your country, even though you obviously hate it, needs your prayers.  

26 comments

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  1. . . . as long as you’re pullin’ your weight in the ol’ prayer department!

  2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C

  3. dear jesus please protect me from your followers…..

    just sayin…….

  4. ……but maybe DD’s Caribou Barbie can use it now? 🙂

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    I prayz dat the Guv stopz killin’ da innosent animals in Alas-ka.

    • Edger on March 28, 2009 at 1:03 am

  5. His Mom and Dad were busy cleaning up the trailer.  I took my one-year-old grandson in my arms and set him in front of me on my 450 Honda ATV.  We took off down the wooded logging road slowly at first and then a bit faster.  I showed him the woods, the woods our family has retreated to annually every summer for twenty years.  I told him to fear not the creatures of the woods, for they would not hurt him if he were true in spirit.  I said I would teach him the way.  Respect the land in its beauty and it will take care of you. I showed him nature, the mountains, the rushing stream all from the seat of an ATV.  Yes it sounds corny, the delusions of a fifty-something change of life suburbanite, this unspoken spiritual communication from one soul to another.  Is it real or something based on faith. My engineer side is fighting with my shaman side.  What I felt, what he felt, I have no words to describe.  I played back the years in my mind, a generation of our large family at the campfire toasting marshmallows, telling ghost stories after spending the day in the swirling mountain stream. Searching for moose in the early morning and counting stars at night.  Dancing with wolves, my daughter swims with beavers.   I think daughter and beaver both scared each other. I saw water exploding from two directions and then one daughter standing up. Kaiser our noble soul rottweiler pulling logs out of the woods for the next night’s fire.   It was all here in my mind as I played it for him.   I was hoping he was young enough, not programmed yet by society and me, old and psychically challenged, was he taking it all in or not.  The same kid fell asleep on a ride yesterday with his mom. With me he was animated and fully awake.  Some years ago I carried his mother on my back, ran two miles down the mountain in desperation for the epinephrine kit we forgot to bring on our walk.  Stumbling through swamps and fallen trees she finally said “Dad I’m OK”.   My first daughter had suddenly “outgrown” her life-threatening allergy to bees so yes I believe in miracles.  

    The next morning upon seeing me in the trailer door a one year old says his first words Vroom, Vroom and extends his arms for me to pick him up again.  The Grampy connection was made and continues to this day.  A studious two year old now inserts the key into the proper slot, waits for the green light and then hits the start button bringing the 650 cc fuel injected engine to life.  The only saving grace is he can’t put the machine in gear yet.  I became the King of his world but my spiritual guides yelled at me for it.

    “You are far to important to be using your skills that way.”

    “Important, me, are you serious, and what skills are you talking about.”  he is my grandson and all I did was try to let him discover the same communication I perceived when I was much younger, so I heard the voice of my wife’s uncle in my head gees, I don’t have any magic left in me anyway what with this food supply and me not having the wisdom to embrace that spiritual connection in my youth, just passing the torch from one generation to another.”

    “Yes I understand your concerns, but he will value you above his parents and this may lead to future complications”.

    “Hey, well let me be my creative self and leave me to deal with it, and you, micromanagement is a path to the dark side isn’t it”.

    Tonight I just came from my daughter’s house after a family dinner.  There is a picture of the Easter Bunny (me) on her fridge.  Auntie Claudia pointed to the Easter Bunny and asked him who is that.  He just said Grampy.  We, him and I, can “pray” to each other.

    I am though on the fence about praying for all of humanity.

    Wonder if they deserve it.


  6. Friday, March 27, 2009

    Contrary to Palin advisor John Coale’s statements, Scientology PACs exist.

    Sarah Palin’s Political Action Committee (PAC) advisor John Coale recently denied that a political action committee was formed to further the aims of Scientology,[1] but the planned committee indeed exists under the names Citizens for Social Reform (CSRPAC)[2] and Florida Citizens for Social Reform (FCSR)[3]. Is SarahPAC being used by Coale?

    Celebrity website Gawker recently revealed documents showing that John Coale had helped formulate a plan for how Scientology could “be at cause” (in control) over humanity by forming a political action committee with plausible deniability.[1]

    The plan for “FLAGG PAC” says one of the main objectives “which we have been working towards is to create a group which could be easily identified by Scientologists without involving any blatantly Scientology terms”. The goal was a PAC “which forwards the aims of Scientology and which can create power”.[1]

    The document encourages Scientologists to use all available “comm terminals” (contacts) including media and legal connections to gain access to politicians. John Coale is husband of Fox News personality Greta van Susteren, and a Scientologist. And now he is reported to be central in the Sarah Palin Political Action Committee.[4]

    When asked by Gawker, John Coale downplayed FLAGG PAC and said “it never went anywhere” and “Maybe 9 or 10 people showed up” to the launch meeting. Yet the PAC was eventually started after all, and on closer reading more than 10 people showed up to the launch meetings.

    Coale is here speaking exclusively about the meeting in Washington DC, but omits the launch meeting in the Crystal Ballroom at the Fort Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, Florida; this hotel is Scientology’s Flag Land Base. More than ten people would show up there.

    And although the name “FLAGG PAC” was not used, Scientology started Citizens for Social Reform (CSRPAC) and Florida Citizens for Social Reform (FCSR) based on the FLAGG PAC plan.

    FLAGG PAC was planned in 1986. John Coale is now reported to be central to the campaign of potential presidential front-runner Sarah Palin. This shows a 23-year conscious effort by Coale to court and use politicians for a “substantive power base” for Scientology.[1]

    Absurdly, in view of Scientology’s plans for the “global obliteration of psychiatry”,[5] he also serves on the Maryland Medical System board.[6]

    REFERENCES:

    1][2 http://csrpac.org/

    3][4 http://voices.washingtonpost.c

    5][6 http://counterknowledge.com/20

    CONTACT:

    Email Address: anonymous@whyweprotest.net

    Website URL: http://www.whyweprotest.net

  7. I’ve been wondering lately why God seems so pissed at the people in the Fargo/Moorehead area. They seem like “good folks” to me.  

    Anyway, if I was the prayin’ type, that’s who I’d be talking to God about today.

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