Stromboli and Potato Skins

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So I know this person I’ll call Cindy because she really hates that and we work together every year burying bodies for Barzini.

We’re both huge sci-fi fans and it sucks to watch movies without having someone to compare notes with.  This last Saturday we went to see Half Blood Prince.

I insisted that we see it in IMAX 3D because-

Well, let’s talk about “the world’s most immersive movie experience.”

When you get to the theater be ready to fork over $15 for your ticket and $6 more for a bag of popcorn that in my younger days we would have called ‘Medimum’ size though the sign called it a ‘Large’ (and that was dinner).  Fortunately Cindy thought to smuggle some soda in her purse so we didn’t have to pay $3.50 for that, along with my bottle of eyeglass cleaner (an investment in vision I made while we were burying bodies this year) ^ó–ò.

You pre-select your reserved seats (which is actually nice) and as you enter you get handed your oversize 3D glasses (to fit over your real ones if you have them like those cheesy UV blocker sunglasses in the infomercials) with the thin plastic polarizing lenses pre-smeared by the last patron’s greasy popcorn stained fingers.

Fortunately we were prepared.

Yuo see a year ago we went to see Order of the Phoenix in IMAX 3D and it was a lot of fun, but I was kind of disappointed because for me it was like it had all been shot in vaseline soft focus.  Of course watching the 3D sequences without the special glasses is just horrible because of the parallax ghosting that gives you the 3D effect, so not using them is not an option.

Dr. Tongue’s 3D House of Stewardesses

One of the running gags in SCTV was Joe Flaherty’s Monster Chiller Horror Theater, hosted by the alcoholic newscaster Count Floyd.

Along with many other films so bad and unscary even MST3K wouldn’t touch them, they featured any 3D film they could get their hands on, like Tip O’Neill’s 3-D House of Representatives.

These were invariably Produced and Directed by Dr. Tongue (John Candy) and featured him and Eugene Levy in cameo roles where they would look directly at the camera and swoop in and out of extreme close up like Grover from Sesame Street demonstrating ‘Near’ and ‘Far’.

Ooh whip, ooh whoo.

Now as Cindy pointed out to me all of the cinematography in the Harry Potter series is extremely swoopy but for these 12 minutes I certainly wish I had brought my Dramamine.

If you’re susceptible to motion sickness, for $6 they should be willing to give you an extra, empty, bag.

On the other hand, since it’s quite a long movie they offer in theater food service so you can just get another popcorn from the usher if you ruin yours.

Stromboli and Potato Skins

Now last week I didn’t have anything but popcorn and yin yang pudding pie, but Cindy and I got together before that to watch SG1- The Ark of Truth.  Frankly there are parts like the fight between Mitchell and Merrick (totally stolen in equal parts from Serenity, Alien, and Terminator) and Teal’c (I am an actor, my weight doesn’t matter) marching over the mountains and across the mud flats, that drag.

She has a completely redone, but very tiny, kitchen that she was anxious to show off so she made two of her favorites, potato skins and stromboli.

They are both exceptionally easy.

Stromboli

We didn’t actually eat this because there was just too much.

A Stromboli is a Calzone without the Ricotta which makes it less runny.  That means you don’t have to completely seal it (and you shouldn’t or it will explode).

You will need-

• A Pizza Stone pre-heated to 450 or however high your oven will go.
• Pizza Dough (sold in stores by the pound, you will need half or 1/3 of it per Stromboli)
• Grated Mozzarella Cheese
• Pizza Toppings
• Egg Wash

Now by Pizza Toppings I mean anything you would typically put on top of a pizza- sausage, mushrooms, onions, broccoli, sliced meatballs, hamburger, pepperoni, grilled chicken, spinach, goat cheese, artichoke hearts, olives…  Many of these you will want to cook separately first because they won’t cook much in the center of a jelly roll, which is what a Stromboli basically is.

When you “cook” a Stromboli what you’re really talking about is browning the top, baking the dough, and melting the Mozzarella.  Even pepperoni just barely gets warm enough to get greasy.

If you like things garlicky (and I do) you’ll add the garlic to the pre-cook.

Let’s say you want a Broccoli, Onion, Mushroom Stromboli.

The first thing you do is cook your broccoli until it’s soft enough to eat.  Boiling water for about 7 minutes is soft enough for me.  Drain thoroughly.  Let cool and chop.

Saute your onions and mushrooms with some garlic.  Cool, drain the oil, and mix with your broccoli.

Roll out your dough into about an 18″ by 12″ rectangle.  Evenly cover the first 2/3rds or 3/4s length wise with your filling and cover that with your Mozzarella.  Leave about 3/4″ to an inch at the open ends for oozing.  Roll it up like a Jelly Roll and place seam down.

You’ll want to use enough filling so that you get about 3 turns of dough.

Brush the top with Egg Wash (for crispiness) and transfer to your Pizza Stone.  Should take about 20 to 25 minutes to get Golden Brown.

Slice and eat.

Bacon Cheese Burger Stromboli

Something completely different.

Substitute Cheddar for the Mozzarella, cook your bacon extra crispy, and brown your hamburger loose (not patties) in the bacon grease (you can use the pre-cooked bacon if you like, but BACON!).  Add onions pre-cooked or minced and maybe chopped tomato.  Pickles will stand up (depending how crisp you like them), but avoid lettuce at all costs as it will simply wilt into a gooey, soggy, slime.

On the other hand you can do a very nice Irish Stromboli with pre-cooked (and aggressively de-fatted) Corned Beef and Cabbage (which you will also want to pre-cook a little) and Swiss Cheese.  Serve with sharp Mustard or substitute drained Sauerkraut and serve with Thousand Island Dressing (the Ruben Stromboli).

You kind of need the cheese to help it hang together.

For a Mexican Stromboli you can use taco seasoning on your ground beef and substitute Pepperjack, don’t use Guacamole or Sour Cream because they don’t react well to the heat.  Serve with Salsa.

Potato Skins

Actually quite a good party food if you like getting your guests involved.

Pre-bake some big Idaho potatoes.

Now if you like the skins crispy (and I do) you can brush the potatoes with oil before baking.  Times and temperatures vary but you will want the interior soft when you poke it with a fork, knife, or probe.

Cool until you can handle them and then slice in half and scoop out the middle with a spoon.

Once scooped you can actually store the empty skins a while until your guests arrive.  Before you prepare the interior mix you’ll want to pre-heat it in the microwave and if you want to re-heat the shells brushed with a little butter that only makes them taste better.

Interior Mix

Take the interiors, serparate half and thoroughly mash it.  You can optionally mix it with Sour Cream, Butter, Chopped Chives, Garlic or Onion Powder.  You’ll have to use at least the Sour Cream because you want it light and fluffy.

Toppings

When you are ready to prepare fill each skin about half full with the interior mix and then let your guests top with traditional Potato Skin stuffings like broccoli, mushrooms, crumbled sausage, or bacon.

Put your preferred grated cheese on top and pop under the broiler until the cheese melts.  5 Minutes tops.