9/11: A Fictional Theory ***UPDATEDX2***

At precisely 2:12 A.M. Eastern Time this diary was deleted from the Daily Kos despite the “Fictional” tag I gave it.  It has been labeled as a “Truther” diary, yet it says right in the tags AND THE FUCKING TITLE it was fictional. So not only does the new Kostapo (trained at this very facility :::shakes fist:::) have a response time of 13 minutes for banning your handle and 2 hours and 12 minutes to delete a diary….but they are also illiterate.  That is all.

(Cross-posted from Daily Kos)

It was the best of times, and then, it was the worst of times.

In June of 1997 the Republicans found themselves marginalized by the prosperity brought about by a slick politician they would later impeach for having “sexual relations” with a woman that wasn’t his wife.

They were bitter, defeated, and were preparing to ascend…with a little help from their friends.

“We need to increase defense spending significantly if we are to carry out our global responsibilities today and modernize our armed forces for the future!” said Rummy.

“Yeah! And, and, we need to strengthen our ties to democratic allies and to challenge regimes hostile to our interests and values!” chimed in Kagan.

“Well, we also need to promote the cause of political and economic freedom abroad” remarked Kristol

“And we need to accept responsibility for America’s unique role in preserving and extending an international order friendly to our security, our prosperity, and our principles” said a creepy Cheney.

They all looked at each other, nodded in agreement, and signed on the dotted line:

Signatories to Statement of Principles

   * Elliott Abrams

   * Gary Bauer

   * William J. Bennett

   * John Ellis “Jeb” Bush

   * Richard B. Cheney

   * Eliot A. Cohen

   * Midge Decter

   * Paula Dobriansky

   * Steve Forbes

   * Aaron Friedberg

   * Francis Fukuyama

   * Frank Gaffney

   * Fred C. Ikle

   * Donald Kagan

   * Zalmay Khalilzad

   * I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby

   * Norman Podhoretz

   * J. Danforth Quayle

   * Peter W. Rodman

   * Stephen P. Rosen

   * Henry S. Rowen

   * Donald Rumsfeld

   * Vin Weber

   * George Weigel

   * Paul Wolfowitz

Three years later they ran a dumb schmuck for the office of president while working behind the scenes to disenfranchise voters and steal an election alongside Diebold.

With the puppet in office, a memo came across their Secretary of State’s desk on August 6th that had Cheney and Rummy scratching their heads.

“So, what do we do?” said Rummy.

“Nothing” said Cheney, “don’t do anything.”

A month later:

Mr. President, the country is under attack:

“Oh man, guys, I’m scared, what do I do now?!” a bewildered Bush asked Cheney.

“Don’t worry we’ll take care of it” Cheney mumbled all evil-like.

Two days later, magically, there was a 100 page bill the Vice President had kickin’ around,ya know, just a little somethin’ he was workin on in his spare time.

There were several things to consider and debate but it was clear that Cheney’s plan was the solution they needed to prevent another 9/11.

“Hey, Dick. They dragged Condi down to ask her about that, uh, August 6th thing” Rummy chided.

“Fuck off!  Sorry Rummy, force of habit.  How’d it go?” he said.

“Wheh Wheh Whehhhhh! So what Rummy? What are they gonna do? Impeach us?! HA! They’re Democrats, they don’t initiate anything that’s remotely confrontational” Cheney remarked.

“Besides, I got something that should ‘occupy’ everybody for a while.  If you know what I mean.”

“No sir, I never do” Rummy replied.

Fast forward to March 2002:

“Ok, tell the boys on Wall St. to keep the checks comin’ and they can guarantee nobody is gonna notice a thing they’re doing” Cheney said to Rummy.

“But, I might have to ‘let you go’ Rummy, to save face, but I want you there when we all run out the back with the cash, you hear me, I want you there” an emotional Cheney said.

“I’ll be there sir, :::sniff:::, i’ll be there” Rummy said, and hugged him goodbye.